This Love

[This love
This love is a strange love
A faded kind of mellow
This love]

I look at him and just smile.  I can’t help it; he’s so damned beautiful.  His eyes barely open, his skin smoother than alabaster, and all his appendages so new and pale.  He’s gorgeous.

Except…he has his father’s eyes.

His father’s crooked smile, and I swear, I can already see he has an attitude to match his father’s.

And I hate it.

[This love
I think I'm gonna fall again
And even when you held my hand
It didn't mean a thing, this love]

When I see that little one of mine, in his crib, I don’t regret anything.

But when I’m away from him, I feel regret pour down on me.

Regret for getting involved…regret for hoping…

But mostly, regret for depriving such an innocent victim of a father.

And even his father…of a son.  Although, that regret comes last—you know, my decision not to tell him.  My only real way of surviving.

[This love
Now rehearsed we stay, love
Doesn't know it is love
This love]

I couldn’t take it.

The pity in his eyes, and the monthly checks that would be sure to arrive—so he wouldn’t have to show up in court, or worse yet, worry about me suing him for millions in child support.

His lack of trust just emphasizes why he could never know.

[This love
It hasn't have to feel love
It hasn't need to be love
It hasn't mean a thing
This love]

I would never want him sending money to a child he’s supposed to love.  The child born from a mother he should trust.

This is selfish, but…

I can’t…I can’t take the risk that maybe he’d care—care for the child, but not me.

To just…watch him love his son, but never feel more than obligation to me.

To be a fucking burden, some annoyance—the woman he knocked up one night while he was half-drunk and angry.

[This love loves love
It's a strange love, strange love]

I don’t love him anymore.

At least, I try not to.

Well, I try and not think about it.

But how can I when every time I look down, there’s a mirror image of him staring back at me?

[This love
This love
This love is a strange love, strange love
I'm gonna fall again
It doesn't mean a thing
Think I'm gonna fall again
This love]

There’s a knock at the door, and to be honest, I don’t know who’s there, but my stomach drops suddenly as soon as I open it.

Fuck.

“Marshall?”

“I heard,” he says with this knowing look and storms in.

Like he owns the place.

~*~

The end.

Author: zines@aol.com

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These stories are for entertainment purposes only.  They are completely fictitious, and the authors mean no harm to EMINEM, his family, friends, or anyone else that may have been depicted as a 'real life' character.  No money was made on the fiction here, either directly or indirectly, i.e. paid advertising. In other words - it's just a bunch of shit we wrote for fun. Please don't take it seriously.