Rain
WARNING: CONTAINS SEXUALLY EXPLICIT CONTENT
Title : Rain
Pairing: Eminem/Kim
Summary: Em and Kim are trying work things out, meanwhile- fourteen year old Lily Rayne has problems of her own.AUTHOR'S NOTES: I will NOT be address Kim's niece who is supposedly living with them. For the purposes of this, she doesn't exist in their home permanently. 1) I don't want to complicate things MORE. 2) Some sources say her name is Amy others say it's Aidan. 3) I'm the author and it's my right! It's fanfic! :-) I will *also* not really be addressing Nathan *too* much. He may pop up- but he's not living with them either. ALSO I am assuming the book "Cleanin' Out My Closet" is a load of crap since that's what the man himself said. So any information J.R. Watkins said about Kim or Em and their relationship does not apply here.
ONE MORE THING!!! This fiction is color coded for ease of reading since there are three main characters!! Anytime you see (------), it means time has passed. Here's the KEY:
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++++++++"Oh- I also did the young scholars program in sixth grade took, but that's the last year they do it so now, I'm just in the normal honors courses."
Wow. She is- from all accounts- wickedly smart. She also skipped third grade, which is- shit we woulda held her *back*, had she been with us.
"Wow," Kim says and she's probably marveling at it like I am.
"Yeah," I agree. "That's- really great- that your mother encouraged you and got you involved."
"Yeah- I was- really lucky. *Am* lucky. Mama always told me not to take anything for granted. She told me I had a brilliant mind and I shouldn't let it go to waste."
"That's good then," I say. Yeah- this girl should *never* have been in our care. She woulda ended up in a gang or something 'cause she woulda been so bored in school.
"Yeah- she was really just the best mom I coulda asked for."
~~~~~~~~
Oh- that was kind of… cruel, I guess. "I mean-"
"No," Kim shakes her head. "We gave you up and I'm really glad you had such a great mother." She sniffles a little bit and he places his hand on hers.
"Lil," Marcie says, "why don't you go out on the porch if you wanna talk? We'll clean up here and keep Jess out of your hair."
"Okay," I nod and am glad when they both get up to follow me out. I smile when I see that Marcie put out a few boxes of Kleenex, a few glasses and a pitcher of water. She really thinks of everything and I love it out here. It's like being outside, inside since it's an enclosed porch. I sit in the chair and they sit on the loveseat.
"She- was *really* great," I tell him them. "I mean- she was an amazing person. I'm lucky to have known her." Shit. I pull out a tissue. "Did you- pick her or-"
"No," Kim says. "We… *had* you and took you home. I was living at Marsh's house. So we got you home and-"
God were they- "Were you… planning on *keep*ing me?"
"We were… conflicted. We were *hoping* we could do it. We thought we could. We *wanted* to. You were… *are* a *part* of us…"
"So what happened then?" I ask. I mean- what was the *reason* I don't know my little sisters.
"There were- a lot of factors," she explains. "Ya know- counselors and teachers were talkin' at us all the time about what a responsibility it was and what kind of life could we really *give* a child and-"
"And my mother-" he interrupts "had cleaned up and said she'd help us and we thought that maybe things would be different. She'd been trying- to be there. And we had each other and-"
"So, why then?"
"When we got you home, my mom was on another one of her binges. Nate's, my brother, Nate's dad had in and out again and- she spent the first night with you there yellin' at us about a diaper or somethin'. That mornin' she was makin' a bottle for ya and I saw her puttin' vodka in it."
"What?!"
"I yelled about it but she said you'd cried the whole night and the alcohol would calm you down so she could sleep."
Oh.
"She said it was either that or we had to take you and go, 'cause she had to be able to sleep."
Oh.
*********
God. How horrible is this for a kid to hear?
"So- that day," I tell her, "we called a bunch of places, lookin' for help or money or somethin', but back then, it was harder to get help. Not like now- I was fourteen and Marsh was sixteen. We couldn't afford to move out and that second night Debbie- she-" god. I choke a bit.
"What?" She asks hesitantly.
"You were hungry and I couldn't breastfeed, so I was makin' you a bottle and she-" Fuck.
"She slapped you," Marsh finishes for me when I can't. "I was holdin' you and she just walked over and slapped you."
She starts crying a little and god- can you blame her? I wish we coulda gone somewhere else, but there was nowhere else to turn.
"We didn't- we *knew* then that we couldn't keep you there and couldn't be by ourselves either. So we-"
"Put me up for adoption," she finishes his thoughts. "How long was I with you?"
"The following day, Marsh went to the clinic and we got the call that afternoon that they had found someone- a couple. Fuck- we cried that entire night- fell asleep with you between us… We took you the next morning and that was it."
God- just thinking back to that-
"Did you… *meet* my mom?" She asks and shit- Marsh's arms are around me and I'm balling.
It's like- we tried to justify ourselves on the way there- that we couldn't give her any sort of life and that we didn't want her raised in a house ruled by fear. And afterwards- we tried not to think about it at all. And now we have to explain it all again and it's too much for me.
I nod. "She… they- were in the room. We weren't supposed to even *see* them, but we opened the wrong door, I guess. And they were there, cryin' as much as we were."
Marsh looks at her and says, "Giving you up, handing you over to complete strangers when we loved you so much, walking away- were the hardest things we've ever had to do."
"Do you- regret it?" She asks.
++++++++
What the fuck am I supposed to say to that?
"It's… complicated," I state.
"Complicated how? Either you do or you don't, there's no-"
"It's *complicated* because we wanted you and loved you *so* much and-"
Shit. I don't know what the hell I'm sayin' and I'm *so* happy when Kim jumps in. "If we're being selfish- we *do* regret it- every day. But… in *your* interests, for *your* sake, we can't."
"What does *that* mean?" She asks, a bit angry and upset and she has every right to be. I just hope she don't hate us in the end.
"What I write in my songs- that's only half the shit that I- hell, it's not *even* half the shit I been through, wit' my mom and shit… We didn't want you raised in a house ruled by fear. We didn't want you raised by some dumb kids who couldn't wait to buy a-" I stop myself. I really think she gets the point. We weren't *trying* to have a baby, but-
"I get it- I was an accident and-"
"NO!" Kim says suddenly. "So we didn't buy a condom- you *weren't* an accident," she says. "You were *obviously* meant to be born- with us. And Hailie- we didn't *try* for her either- but it doesn't mean we aren't grateful for either one of you."
Ya know- I glance at Kim and… she's become a *really* wonderful mother. I'll have to tell her that next Sunday since it's mother's day.
"For your good- god- look at you! You're gonna go to college and despite what you've been through- you've had the love of a good woman and a happy childhood, filled with love, absent from pain and violence. And… you've had opportunities you never woulda had wit' us. For your sake- we can't regret it," Kim says.
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"And what about yours? What about for *your* sake?" I ask them and… I wanna believe them.
I *do* believe they thought they were doing what's best. Who knows- maybe they were.
Her eyes are all puffy and red as she speaks. "Ever since the day I knew you were growing inside me to this very moment, I've loved you. We both have. Marsh would read to my belly, even when he was that young, he's a dad at heart and he'd read and rub my back… we had names picked out for you and we'd bought a couple really pretty dresses… and walking away was- god, it tore me up. It still does.
"I look at Hailie and Whitney and it kills me inside to know that I never knew you then- that I missed out on it- that I gave it up so easily. It's like… an ache that never goes away. When a parent loses a child- ya know, you have the service and in a while, in time, you can find peace with the loss. You have closure and you know, you can accept. But- we didn't know if you were happy or worse off, or where you were, or your name… and that's so much worse."
God- he's holding her and she's shaking bad and I just *know* it's the truth- that she's had all this stuff on her mind that she wanted to tell me, wanted to-
"Did you ever think of… an abortion?"
"NO!" They both practically yell at the same time.
"Never," she says immediately after. "Not for one second. Not for one second of a second."
I nod and I just… guess I need time to process some of this stuff. I mean… obviously *wanted* me but… they didn't have other 'options'. Although I guess I can't criticize their decision.
I'm fourteen. She was *my* age when she had me. Shit. I can't even *imagine* having a baby. I mean- I play with Jess and I babysit, but- that's *so* not the same as the financial burden of a child, as well as the attention a kid craves. I mean- sometimes, when I'm tryin' to read, Jess *really* gets on my nerves. Imagine having no education, no money, being barely of puberty age, *and* having a kid with no parents to help you… I'm lucky they *didn't* abort me.
And yet- what… she was- okay, 21 then when she had Hailie. But- they were still broke, right?
"What about… Hailie? I mean… did you think about givin' *her* away too?" Why just me? I guess is a more appropriate question.
*********
God- I guess this is one of the drawbacks of having a smart kid? Fuck- she prolly woulda outsmarted *us* every day and gotten to stay up until midnight and watch porn. Marsh caves too quickly and she could probably *easily* outwit him.
"We were both working when we had Hai," I tell her. "I was twenty-one and Marsh was twenty-three. We didn't have a ton of money- but we had our own place and-"
"We weren't *teenagers," Marshall says. "Maybe we *shouldn't*'ve been given another kid- I don't know, but I don't think we've screwed her up too bad. But- I *know* what it was like growing up in that house- maybe it was stupid to think she could change. I *know* now that my mother will *never* change. And *no* kid should be raised in a house like that- *no* kid."
I slide my hand down his forearm and take his hand in mine. He doesn't talk about it too much, but I saw it first hand. I saw her rip him down every chance she got- telling him he was ugly and that he wouldn't amount to anything. God- she was *horrible* to her own *kid*.
Not that *my* parents were great- but they just… weren't *there*. They didn't care. Debbie had to make sure Marsh knew how much she didn't care, while insisting that 'you're my son'. Such a fuckin' quack. God- I think that the first time Marsh and I kissed was the first time he'd *ever* been touched in *real* emotion, *real* love.
Maybe that's why he loves kids so much- because they're not tainted. They wear their hearts on their sleeve and they're so honest.
"Maybe," I say, "we didn't know it for sure then, but we *hoped* that you'd grow up in a house with people who could give you what we couldn't. You would have been loved- you *are* loved- but… loving someone isn't enough to keep them and it sure as hell isn't enough to raise a child. If it were, then we woulda kept you and everything woulda been perfect- but it's not. The best gift we coulda given you was a life *without* that house."
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"So… where do we go from here?" She sighs, grabbing a couple tissues.
"Well," I say. "I think I speak for both of us when I say I'd *really* like you to come over here and let us hug you again. But…"
OH MY GOD! She stands up and comes over and me and Kim are on our feet and both grab her.
"God, we missed you soo much," Kim says. "I'm *so* sorry, so sorry," she weeps and I'm crying too and so is Rayne. It's a whole big cry-fest, but we never thought we'd get to see her again and… we *can* and that's amazing and *she's* amazing. "Love you too, so much," Kim says, holding her head. And god- she looks like us a lot- the blue eyes, her hair is like a mix of Kim's and mine and she's got a bit of Kim's nose.
And she's *right* *here*. "I don't wanna lechu go," I whisper and she hugs me a bit tighter.
But eventually… we *do* stop crying and it's just- she's in our arms- like that last night we had her and she slept between Kim and I and we watched her sleep and cried the whole time because we knew it may have been the last time we ever saw her.
And ya know- I'm *glad* she didn't know who 'Eminem' was, or who we were. I always feared that our daughter was somewhere hating us for not sharing our life with her- being jealous because Hailie had such a great life, even though it wasn't always like that.
We release her and she steps back and smiles. "Guess we all maybe needed that?"
"We want you in our lives, wanna be a part of *yours*," Kim says.
"It's hard, it'll be hard," I tell her. "The press is a bitch and as much as I'd love to shout it from the rooftops- I don't want… I mean- the fame thing already affects Hailie, bad, and it'd be nice if it didn't tear *your* life apart too."
"How?" She asks. "Does it hurt her?"
"If you deal with that fact that I'm gone a lot, reporters hang outside her school, they follow us in the mall, I can't *take* her anywhere… me an' her can't just go to the movies… plus she's dogged by some kids at school. A couple a' her friends aren't allowed to invite her over… it's crazy. Hard for her to make friends, *real* friends."
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Oh. I guess I hadn't thought about that stuff.
Yeah- I'm sure the press would be all over a long lost child of Eminem's.
"So I really wanna keep you out of the press if we can. But… we wanna have as much a part in your life as you want us to," he says.
"*And* we want you to meet Hai and Whit if you want-"
"YES!" I say, a bit too excited than I was planning but- they want me to meet my… sisters! "Yes. I'd… like that, if that's okay."
"Ya know," she says, "it's funny- Hailie was just telling us how she wanted me to have another baby so she could have a big sister."
I smile. "That's cute- Jessie says stuff like that too. Kids are fun."
"But we'll let you call the shots- when you're ready… if you wanna come to the house, or if you want us to bring Hai to you…" god- he's just… sooo understanding, ya know? I guess I wasn't expecting that.
"I'll… have to think about it- talk about it with Marcie and Rob."
"That's okay."
"So…" I have no idea what we're supposed to do now, so I was thinking… "Would you- do you wanna see some pictures or something? Photo albums? I think we even have a few videos of school plays you could take and watch, I guess."
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Wow- Kim starts crying again and I pull her into my arms because… Jesus. This has gotta be the *best* adopted kid/birth parent reunion in history.
"Pictures?"
"Yeah- my mom was a pathological picture-taker and a meticulous organizer, so-"
"Yeah- yes, we'd love to," Kim answers. Wow. This is- more than we'd ever hoped for.
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"Oh yeah- I forgot about that- that's my seventh birthday." She starts to laugh a bit as she tells us about a water balloon fight. Apparently- they thought it would be a good idea to put a bunch of food coloring in the water, but didn't count on it dying their skin. "So like- my face was part blue for like a week… I'd forgotten about that."
I think this is doing her some good- thinkin' and remembering. I really think from the pictures, that she did have a really fuckin' happy childhood and that makes me really happy.
<Ring. Ring.>
Oh shit. I glance at the clock and fuck- it's four o'clock already?
"Sorry," I apologize and answer. "Hey, Hailie."
"How'd you know it was me?'
"'Cause I know everythang, don't I keep tellin' you that?"
"Daaad-"
"Don't 'Daaad' me- what up? You behavin' for Aunt Betty?"
"Uh huh, you didn't call."
"Yeah- I know, Baby."
"Mommy there?"
"Yeah- Mommy's here. Whacha doin'? Playin' wit' Whit?"
"A bit. Where you at again?"
"Visitin' our friend, 'member?"
"The water girl?"
"Yeah, Baby. Her name's Lily."
*********
She's really really amazing. I mean- she's funny and so smart and I really think that despite everything, she was a happy kid. And that means we did right by her and that's all I ever wanted to do for my children.
And she seems really curious about Hailie. Shit- is it too much to hope we may be able to have her to the house for the fourth of July or Thanksgiving?
"Yeah, Hai- can we call you later, Baby?" He asks. "Once we get back to da hotel?… I promise- okay? I love you too, Hai-Hai. Bye, bye." He hangs up and shrugs. "Sorry- forgot we told her we'd call."
"It's okay. I don't wanchu ta forget about your daughter for *me*."
"You *are* our daughter, whether you choose to think of yourself that way or not," I state. "I don't- *we* don't wanna freak you out or scare you off, but-"
I reach out and she let's me hold her hands and- god… I think I'm gonna be dehydrated by the time we head home. I hold her hands in mine and continue, "you'll *always* be our daughter- even when you didn't know it. We… bought you cards and presents and you were *always* on our mind. Even when we- when we hated each other and were so mad we couldn't think- that ache always connected us and on your birthday- nothing else mattered."
She nods and doesn't pull away when I tuck a bit of hair behind her ear. "God- you're so much more amazing than we thought you'd ever be. You're just… more than we could have imagined."
Marsh slips an arm around my waist and leans on me and touches her hand too. "We wanna have as much to do wit' you as you want, but if it's too much or whatever… *please* let us know. We just- don't know what to do."
"Me neither, but-"
"We don't wanna *replace* your parents," he says.
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Wow. How did he- I mean… I guess now that he says that- I *was* worried about that or… I mean- I just don't know what to do with all this and I miss my mom.
"Yeah- please don't feel like you *have* to see us again or… we're just grateful we've got what we got. We sure as hell don't *deserve* to-"
"No," I stop her. I mean… "You're- there are *so* many people that have kids who can't take care of 'em that keep 'em around and… but you didn't, even if you wanted to. You- thought of me first and I guess I'm grateful for that. I mean- my mom and I… I was lucky to have her in my life and if you hadn't-"
I don't know. I don't like to think about fate or theology or anything, but maybe it wasn't about us. Maybe my mom needed *me*. Or maybe whoever's in charge- God- maybe he knew that house wouldn't be good for me. I just don't know.
"I don't… know. I mean- my parents are dead. They died and no one could *ever* replace my mom. But maybe… there could be something?"
"We'd really like that," they say and I nod and I'm actually kind of… sad when they take their hands off mine.
But… I guess it's good 'cause I gotta pee. "I have to- use the ladies' room," I say.
Rob catches my arm as I head toward the bathroom. "How's it-"
"Good," I say. "Nice. They're *nice*."
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"Wow, Marsh- this is just… is it a dream?"
I wrap my other arm around her waist and kiss her neck sweetly. "If it is- it's a *really* good one."
"I don't want this day ta end."
"Me neither."
"Um- pardon me, but-" Oh. I release her and we stand up quickly. "Will you two be joining us for dinner?"
"Um- I don't… we don't wanna push her too much," I say and Kim sighs. I know- I'd love to stay here but- we've thrown a lot at her. "So I think we may head off and give her some space."
"That's probably best," he nods in agreement.
"Look-" shit. I don't wanna offend him or anything, but- "I can't help but think about the school she wants to go to and I'd *really* like to help, if I can. I mean- if you need the help- financially speaking, I mean."
"Oh we can't-"
"I know I have no basis to talk or anything- I don't wanna tell you what to do, but if she can get in and get something from it- if it's good for her, *please* don't hesitate to- we'd really love to help with the tuition."
"You don't- that's not necessary. I mean- she'd never-"
"I don't want her to know. I don't want her to think she owes us anything, but if the only thing we can give her now is a good education- I'd like to do that."
"I'll think about it?"
"Please keep it in mind."
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*********I don't wanna leave. Shit. We hugged a couple more times and- "I don't wanna go," I whisper in his ear.
He just wraps his arm around my waist and replies, "I know."
Author: crazyevildru@yahoo.com
These stories are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious, and the authors mean no harm to EMINEM, his family, friends, or anyone else that may have been depicted as a 'real life' character. No money was made on the fiction here, either directly or indirectly, i.e. paid advertising. In other words - it's just a bunch of shit we wrote for fun. Please don't take it seriously.