Rain
WARNING: CONTAINS SEXUALLY EXPLICIT CONTENT
Title : Rain
Pairing: Eminem/Kim
Summary: Em and Kim are trying work things out, meanwhile- fourteen year old Lily Rayne has problems of her own.DEDICATION:I would like to take this chapter and dedicate it to my dear friend Diamond who I absolutely adore! Thank you SOOO much for pushing me for fic and writing such an inspiring story (aka my favorite story) :-D This is for you, Sweetie! THANKS!
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~~~~~~~~"Wai-wai-wait, you got-"
"What?" I ask.
"Chocolate on your nose," he says and wipes my nose off with his thumb.
"Thanks," I smile and he leans forward and kisses me softly and could my boyfriend *be* more perfect?! I mean, he probably could, but then he'd be a prince and I'd have to lose my shoe at midnight.
"No problem," he smiles. "So… when are you leaving?"
"Tomorrow morning, I guess," I shrug. "I don't know, I…"
"What?" he asks, touching my arm softly. God he's just… *perfect*.
"My mom… *died* last year- one year tomorrow and I just… I've been a wreck all week and I'm just not sure I really wanna spend tomorrow with *them*."
"You don't *have* to go home, Lily. You could… stay… here this weekend. I'd stay with you tomorrow, we could do whatever you wanted, ya know?"
"But it's… I know they're really excited about it because it's my first- the first birthday they'll have with me; I'm sure they've got all these plans and I just… I feel like I'm being a snot or something because I don't wanna *be* there. It's all happy for them and it's like-"
"The day your mom died?"
"Yeah," I sigh and lean back on the couch but he slides over and wraps an arm around me. I place my head on his shoulder and this is just… the past few months have been incredible. Josh is like the most amazing person ever. We've talked *so* much.
He lost his mom to a drunk driver. She ran out to get cranberry sauce and stuffing, which she'd forgotten, and was killed on the way back home. Thanksgiving.
I feel like I can tell him *any*thing.
He knows who my parents are and he was totally cool about it. He probably would have acted differently if he followed pop music at all, but he's a country boy. He lived in Memphis and he, his dad and two brothers only moved after his mom died. They didn't wanna stay in the house or town with all the memories of her.
But that's just *it*. I *didn't* wanna forget her and I *have*. I've forgotten my own mother and I feel *soo* terrible for it. I've barely been back to visit her and I still feel like sometimes, I'm living someone else's life- like Kim and Dad aren't really my parents, like I'm not supposed to be here.
And excuse me if I don't wanna spend tomorrow acting like I've been living with them all along and the first fourteen years of my life didn't happen.
"I don't know what I'm gonna do," I whisper softly and he just caresses my forehead and god- he's amazing. I just- "I love you."
"*What*?!" He immediately sits up. SHIT. Did I just say that? "What did you just-"
"Nothing, never-"
"You said you loved me."
"I didn't *mean* to?" I try to cover.
"You didn't?"
"I don't know, I'm fourteen."
"Almost fifteen."
"Yeah, well- I'm stupid. Forget about-" But then he's kissing me and OH FUCK his tongue! His tongue! FOR THE FIRST TIME! HIS TONGUE!
*OH* MYGOD. My boyfriend's *tongue* is *in* my mouth!
And it's *cool*.
He pulls away and- "Was that… okay?"
"It *was*," I answer. "More than okay."
"I love you too, Lily."
"*Really*?"
"Yeah, really," he says and we kiss again and this is just… perfect.
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*********"Here." I chuck him the tape. "Make sure that's gonna stay up, okay?"
"It *will*."
"Just make sure," I tell him. "And don't roll your eyes at me."
"You're being neurotic about this. You *know* that, right, Kim? You're being insanely neurotic."
"It's our kid's fifteenth birthday, Marsh. The *first* one we'll actually get to attend. I want everything to be perfect. I'm sorry if I'm being neurotic, I'll try to stop."
"Kim-"
"Marsh, her mother *died*- a *year* ago on *birthday* and-"
"It's not a competition, Kim. You don't- have to compete with her."
"I'm NOT!" GOD! I just- "I wanna make sure this is okay for her."
"I know," he sighs and wraps his arms around me. He kisses my shoulder softly. "You just- need to relax. It'll be no good if you're all worn out and tired tomorrow."
I just grin. "Yeah? How would I get worn out?"
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"Well…" I say, slipping my hands under her shirt and glance at the clock. "Ya know, Cody won't need to be fed for another hour. The girls are asleep and Nate is out for the night."
She laughs that sexy laugh before slipping her hand into my pants. Fuck. It's so *good* to have my *wife* back.
"I'll race ya to the bedroom?" she suggests with a wiggle of her eyebrow.
"You're on!"
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~~~~~~~~I'm starting to figure some stuff out. Lately, I've been trying to fix everything and I just can't do that alone. I *can't*. And I'm starting to realize that maybe *I* shouldn't be the one fixing everything; maybe I need to get a little help.
And how do I know this? Actually, it was in large part to Josh. My wonderful, amazing, intelligent, handsome, funny, sweet, amazing, cute, gorgeous… Okay. Kim thinks I'm head over heels for him and I guess… I am. I just *really* like talking with him. And kissing him… like now.
"Lily," he whispers when I pull away. God. I can't- I never imagined I'd be kissing someone like this.
"I gotta-"
"I know. I just… don't wanna let you go. Call me? Let me know how-"
"Yeah. I will. *Thanks* for everything."
"I love you," he says, stepping out into the hallway.
"I love you too." And then he turns and walks away and *god* tonight was just… amazing.
I walk over and pick up the phone.
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SHIT. "Kim… that's fuck- again."
"You like that, Baby?" she whimpers and squeezes around me. FUCK. Those Kelgar exercises are amazing.
"FUCK. Yes," I grunt as I thrust up into her once more and she must love it when I squeeze her clit because she screams and comes as I come and… fuck.
"Shit, that was-"
"I agree. We got our groove on."
"Oh my god, you did *not* just say that," she says.
"Shut up," I grumble. "You're *mean*."
*********
"And you *love* me for it."
<Ring. Ring.>
"Shit. Who could *that* be?" I groan when I lean over to reach the phone and he shifts inside me. Shit. I pull off him and answer. "Hello?"
"Hi, Kim. It's me."
"Lily! It's- past ten. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I just… I was just thinkin' and I really don't wanna-" she stops.
"Lily, what? Is something-"
"I'm just not sure I wanna fly up tomorrow."
"Oh." *What*? "That's-" FUCK. Marsh touches my arm and I just look at him.
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Shit. She just *completely* lost that post-orgasm glow. "Kim?" I ask, but she shakes her head.
"What's wrong?" I ask, but she shoos me away.
*********
"Well, you don't-" fuck.
"I was just… I've been thinking on it all week and I just- I can't pretend she- I can't pretend she never happened."
Oh.
"Oh."
"I was- god, I've been sick about it all week and I… was wondering if you and Dad could- could you guys come *here* tomorrow?"
"*What*?"
"Can you come *here* tomorrow? I know a plane has been- Nate was gonna come anyway and pick me up, but can you two come instead? There's something I wanna- there's someplace we need to be. We can go home later, but in the morning, could you-"
"Absolutely, but… why?"
"I want you to meet my mother."
Oh.
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~~~~~~~~I guess I should have been expecting this. Marcie did say there were… letters. I don't know how many I'll have but… I slowly unfold the pages and it's… her beautiful handwriting.
My Dearest Lily Rayne-As I write this, you're a week away from being fourteen. And I pray that my end will be quick, for your sake. I try to imagine what your life is like today- on your fifteenth birthday. I hope I spare you the pain of having that be on your birthday, but I fear the worst. I can only hope that the past year has given you some distance between the past and the future. I hope that you are finding your path and continuing to do well.
I wonder what kind of life you do have. I wonder if you found your birth parents. I hope they gave you the answers you needed. In a way, I hope they are able to give you more than I can now. They were young but they seemed so desperate to love you, desperate to keep you when they knew they couldn't. I hope finding them was able to let them heal.
In my mind, I see you sitting with them today, whether it's true or not, I'll never know. But I see you sharing your life with them, talking with them… maybe you have siblings. You know how I always longed to give you a family, but I was blessed enough when you were placed in my arms. God answered my prayers.
I hope you have moved away from the pain of my passing. I can't imagine how painful the past year must have been but I pray to God that you've found your way through it. I pray that your mother can pick up where I left off. Rayne, darling, she's your mother too. I wish for you all the love that you deserve; it matters not who gives it or by what name you address them. Know that whatever you do in life, I'll be proud and happy to have called you my daughter.
God knows, I was lucky to have had you in my life and I'm grateful for that. Know that I'm always watching, always thinking of you, no matter where your life leads. Please be happy my beautiful Lily for I was always happy with you.
Your father and I are together, protecting you as we can. Don't worry about me because I am with my love now.
Forever and ever, you'll carry me in your heart. I'll never part.
You were my flower after the rain and I pray that you blossom.Love Always,
MamaI put the letter down and cry.-------------
*********"Don't be nervous," he states.
Easy for him to say. He already *has*her love and affection. Sure it's sooo easy for him. He *had* no "father" hanging over his head. He had no real shoes to fill and sometimes, I'm so mad at myself for giving her up. I know it was the best for her, but I can't help hating myself for it.
I can't help being jealous of her mother.
Rebecca Fredricks.
I can't help but be jealous because that woman has a part of my daughter that I'll never have. And as much as I have with Hailie and Whitney and Cody- I also know how much I missed with Lily.
And I *hate* myself for it.
"Are you okay, Kim?"
"No. I'm gonna be physically ill."
"You puked this morning too."
"I know. I'm just so fuckin' nervous, ya know?"
"Kim?"
"What?"
"Last time you was pukin' and blamin' it on nerves was when you-"
Oh fuck.
"No. I *can't* be."
"I'm not sayin' yes or no, but…"
"*No*, Marshall. I am *not* pregnant. I just *had* a fuckin' baby."
"Yeah, but we ain't been the pillars of carefulness either."
"*Fuck*." He's right and it *would* serve me right. I *did* say I didn't care, didn't I? When I ordered him to come inside me- I said 'who cares'. Yeah. Fuck. "I'm pregnant."
"It's not a bad thing," he says.
"Says the person who *didn't* just give birth. I can't do it again, Marsh. Fuck-"
"Relax, Baby. We're not sure and if you are, we'll deal and you won't go anywhere *near* my mother. *Or* stairs."
I can't help but laugh a little bit.
I guess it wouldn't be *terrible* having his baby. Again.
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"Sooo… you see her yet?"
"No," she says and shit, I wish I could do something for her. I wish I could help her more than I can, but she's right; I *don't* know what it's like. I don't know how she feels. I hate that we didn't have that time with Lily, but I don't know what Kim feels. Not really.
We *both* lost out on parent-child bonding, but Kim's role was replaced. She'll probably *never* have complete closeness with Lily. She can't get that back.
I'm not even sure if she'll truly feel like my daughter.
Maybe some things you just can't *get* back.
Maybe the opportunities passed us by. Maybe all we'll ever have is what we have now and it's not like we're not grateful for the chance with her. Fuck, I wake every morning happy we got her in our home, happy we can hear her laugh. But will it ever be enough?
"There… here she comes."
~~~~~~~~I'm nervous about this, but… I can't help but think it's also *right*.
After mom's letter, I just… I sat and *thought*. A *lot*. About a lot of stuff.
And I know in my heart, this is what she would have wanted.
I knock on the driver's door and he opens his window so I can tell him where to take us. He nods and I guess I'll get in now.
"Hey," I say softly as I get in.
"Hi, Lil," Kim greets me and we hug. "Are you… okay?"
"I will be, I just… didn't know *what* this day was gonna be like, ya know? Mom always made such a big deal out of my birthday. She always said that it was the day God decided she should have a child. Though I guess it didn't go down *quite* as I imagined. I just… wish she'd have told me the truth- we could have… things might have different, better, something. I don't know."
"Are you… *were* you… *mad*? At her?" Kim asks.
"Maybe a little," I shrug. "I just…. There were things I might have wanted to talk to her about, ya know? I just wish she would have told me so I could know more about how she felt- like… about *you* and *me*. I wish she would have told me and you could have met her, but-"
"We *did* meet her, Lily. Remember?" Kim brushes my hair back behind my ear as she caresses my cheek. God that's nice. Mom-touch. "She looked like a wonderful, loving woman."
I'm about to say something when I glance out the window and-
"We're here," I state.
The limo stops and we all climb out. I've got some flowers and they do too. It's nice.
"It's just a short walk," I say.
"Do you… want a few minutes?" Kim asks, but instead of answering, I take her hand and she starts crying. Yeah. I guess this is gonna be a cry fest, but… that's okay.
"I came here every day the first few months. Funny, but sometimes, I feel like she's with me, watching me."
"She might be," Kim says softly.
And then we're here.
I glance at the headstone and read the words that are burned into my memory:
Fredricks
Ryan & Rebecca
Beloved Husband & Beloved Mother
May love reside in Rayne"Hi, Mom," I say, crouching down. "I uh… it's been a year. I know I haven't… been around… much. But-"
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This child… *my* child *breaks* my heart.
She's so strong and I have this woman, who lies beneath me, to thank for that.
I just run my fingers through her hair and listen to hear speak. I feel like… I owe this woman *so* much. It seems like all the jealousy I've felt toward her lately just disappears and all that's left is love and gratitude.
She took care of my child when no one else would. She loved her and cared for her and held her when she was sick. She gave her everything I wanted for her: a life, a home, safety…
I wish I *could* have met her. I wish I could have told her thank you for everything she did for me and my family.
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Kim starts crying and I just wrap an arm around her tightly because that's all I can really do.
All the money in the world and I can't make the hurt go away, for anyone.
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"I've been going to school, you know that. I'm doing well like you always wanted, but… I really just… wanted to… introduce you to my… my parents. My other parents, my birth parents. They- I'm living with them now, when I'm not in school.
"I have an uncle who's three years older than me. I have a new baby brother, Cody. And I've got two sisters, Hailie and Whitney. But I have a feeling you know this already because I think you…" I stop and sniffle and then start crying when I feel Kim kneeling behind me. Her arms wrap around me and… it's just what I needed. "I think you helped bring Cody to us, Mom. I think you hear me calling for you and I think you answered my prayers.
"You kept my mom *safe*. You *saved* her."
And it's true; I believe she did.
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Oh god. Did she just- oh god.
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Kim practically falls backwards and I kneel behind her and wrap my arms around both of them.
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"*Thank* you, Mommy. I read your letter and… it still hurts, sometimes, but it's less, like you promised. I've… I'm moving on. I… I miss you every day, but… I'ma be alright. You gave me a lot of love, Mom. I know you always gave me love, and you always said you wished you could give me a family… and in way… you have- I *have* that now. I have a mom and a dad who love me and siblings who I adore. I'm… I'm *happy*, Mom.
"So don't worry about me. I know you're watching anyway. I love you, no matter where I am."
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She just keeps crying and… "Rebecca," I say softly. "For so long I've been… jealous of every thing you shared with my daughter, all the things I couldn't have. But… I'm really *grateful* for all the things you shared with her, your love, your heart, your life… I'm not sure if I could have done better. *Thank* you, for everything you've done for my family, for keeping my little boy safe, for loving Lily so much, for keeping *me* safe… *Thank* you, Rebecca. Words can just… *never* express it."
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"No, they really can't, can they? Please just… for as long as you can, please keep our family safe. Continue to bless Lily with the love you gave her all her life. And know that we got her now, we've… we'll keep her safe, just like you did."
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"Forever and ever, in my heart, you'll never part," I say softly. "I *love* you, Mama."
We just stay here for a minutes and it's not raining today. It was raining last year. Or maybe that was just my tears. I can't really remember.
"I uh… I think we can… *go* now," I say, slowly standing up.
I turn around and she pulls me into her arms and we hug a little while before Dad grabs me.
I pull away and wipe my eyes. This is… *exactly* what I needed.
"Come on, I'll introduce you to my boyfriend," I say, heading for the limo.
"Your *boy*friend?!" Dad says protectively.
"Mom, would tell him not to freak out?"
"What?!" She gasps. "What did- Lily you can-"
"Actually," I say, turning on them both, "I'd like you to call me Rayne."
Author: crazyevildru@yahoo.com
These stories are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious, and the authors mean no harm to EMINEM, his family, friends, or anyone else that may have been depicted as a 'real life' character. No money was made on the fiction here, either directly or indirectly, i.e. paid advertising. In other words - it's just a bunch of shit we wrote for fun. Please don't take it seriously.