Rain
WARNING: CONTAINS SEXUALLY EXPLICIT CONTENT
Title : Rain
Pairing: Eminem/Kim
Summary: Em and Kim are trying work things out, meanwhile- fourteen year old Lily Rayne has problems of her own.AUTHOR'S NOTES: I will NOT be address Kim's niece who is supposedly living with them. For the purposes of this, she doesn't exist in their home permanently. 1) I don't want to complicate things MORE. 2) Some sources say her name is Amy others say it's Aidan. 3) I'm the author and it's my right! It's fanfic! :-) I will *also* not really be addressing Nathan *too* much. He may pop up- but he's not living with them either. ALSO I am assuming the book "Cleanin' Out My Closet" is a load of crap since that's what the man himself said. So any information J.R. Watkins said about Kim or Em and their relationship does not apply here.
ONE MORE THING!!! This fiction is color coded for ease of reading since there are three main characters!! Anytime you see (------), it means time has passed. Here's the KEY:
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----------23
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++++++++"Don't say anything," I say as she opens the door.
"Marshall-"
"Don't," I order. "Can I-" She moves aside and I walk inside the motel room.
"What do-"
"Shut up," I growl. "I don't wanna hear your voice, *Debbie*. You fuckin'-" I breathe deeply. I can't even *look* at her. I want to kill her. I wanna strangle her and throw *her* in my trunk and throw *her* body in the fuckin' lake. I want her to die a slow and painful death for all the shit she ever pulled on me- all the times she slapped me or smacked me and told me I wasn't any good- for trying to drug my kid and slapping my infant daughter and making it unsafe to keep her- for hurting Kim and me and Nate and Lily and Hailie- for *existing*.
"How *could* you? Fuckin' *push* her? Were you *trying* to kill her? Would it make you happy if you killed my son and kept me from another one of my children?"
"Marshall-"
"Shut the fuck up!" I grumble. Okay- I know I asked questions, but… they were more rhetoric. "You *wonder* why I don't want nuthin' to do wichu? *This* is why," I say. "Is it- was it so impossible to just love me?" And *that* sounded more like seven year old Marshall than I wanted it to. "Why the fuck couldn't you just be a *mom*? For *once*? And just be happy for me? And just leave me alone and leave my family alone? But no- you gotta take *everything* away from me."
And that's my life. My mother making me miserable. Every time I got even *one* friend, we'd move again. If I was happy with a toy, she'd whip it away from me because I didn't clean up my socks. If I was having fun at Grandma's with Ronnie, we had to leave right away. If I was watching TV, she'd all of a sudden need to watch the news.
All the while, telling me how much she loved me, but how shitty I was.
God. I'm not even mad anymore. I can't be, because if I let myself be, it'll eat me alive. It'll consume me and there won't be anything left and I can't let that happen because I have a family. I have Kim- my fiancée. I have Hailie and Whitney and Lily and a new baby- my son. I have too much to be here for and I won't waste any more time or anger on her.
I just… gotta say this shit. Get it out of my system.
"You *pushed* her, Debbie. I saw it. Hailie saw it for god sake! You pushed my pregnant fiancée backwards down the stairs. *Why*?"
"Marshall- she's poisoned your mind. She-"
"*Don't* blame Kim for your shit. I didn't 'turn' on you because a' her. I just realized how bad you fucked me up, Ma. You're… you're sick in the head. You need help."
"I'm dying."
What?
"*What*?"
"I'm dying, Marshall. She wouldn't give you my messages, what else was I supposed to do?"
"Um… how about *not* pushing my fiancée down the stairs?" God- is she for * real*. But- "Dying of what?"
"I have… cancer. I- don't have insurance and I can't afford the treatments, so… She's poisoned you against me and wouldn't tell you I called and-"
"She did and this ain't about her."
She's… dying? Or she *could* die?
She… why is my life so fucked up?
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~~~~~~~~I sigh and look around.
Maybe I left too quick. I don't know. But by the time Hailie and Whitney were on their way back down to the room, I was on the phone with Mary's mom. I didn't even say goodbye. I just got back into the house, took my stuff, and Mary's mom drove me to the airport.
I just… it was just too much.
"Rae-Rae?"
"Hey, Jessie," I say before turning toward her. "What's up?"
"Miss you."
"I missed you too," I tell her as she climbs into my lap. "Missed you bunches."
"Buches?"
"Bunches and bunches!" I kiss her forehead before picking her up and gobbling her belly with my lips over my teeth. She just laughs and laughs and I wish *I* could just… have someone gobble my belly and have everything be right with the world.
"Wanna talk about it?"
My eyes look beyond Jess to where Marcie's standing in the doorway. "No."
"Lil, you came home a week ago and haven't… it's all over the paper. I just… I think you should talk about it, Sweetheart. It's not good to keep these things inside an-"
"I just don't wanna talk about it," I practically growl, but then remember Jess is here. "Okay? Can I have my own pain and not have to *share* it with everyone?" I put Jess down and stand up.
"Rae-Rae mad?"
"Lily-"
"I gotta get outta here," I say and walk out the door. I just… I have to clear my head.
This is just too much.
No fourteen-year-old should have to deal with this.
It's not fair.
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*********I sigh and place my hand on my stomach. "We're goin' home today, Babe. And I promise I'ma keep you safe. Daddy says that's my only job from now until you're born. Mommy was… *stupid*… to go up these damn stairs with Debbie-"
And Debbie. We still gotta figure out what to do there. I just- haven't been able to think about much lately. *We* haven't been.
I've just been thinking about Lily.
She hasn't called and Marsh doesn't think we should call *her*. And as much as I don't wanna admit it- I think he may be right. Marcie called to let us know she'd arrived safely, but other than that-
God. The house will feel so empty. I *know* she was only there for a night, but for one night, everything was perfect.
++++++++
"Ready?" I ask her.
"*So* ready."
"Me an' the girls have missed you."
"And I've missed my girls."
And *that* is true. I get that Lily was only there for a day, but… it may have been just a day- but it was a *dream* for us.
"They've missed you too," I tell her before sliding my hand over her belly. "*I've* missed you." I kiss her softly and god- I'm so happy I get to kiss her again. I was soo terrified. I mean… even when she left me, I was angry and we were hurt, but we *knew* somewhere inside that it wouldn't be the last of us. But… she's here and she's okay and she's not gonna leave me. Ever.
I pull away and sit on the side of the bed before things heat up too much because *believe* me, I *want* her. I wanna feel her on me and around me and know she's really here. But-
"How close are we to leavin'?"
"They gonna bring in some papers for you to sign and… the doc was supposed to come in and debrief you. Did he?"
"Yeah," she nods. "Cracked rib, no heavy lifting, 3-4 weeks. My wrist will take 6-8 and lots of bed rest."
"And the baby?"
"Bed rest and call if anything feels off or starts hurting."
"Okay," I nod. "Then you know," I say and I've said this before, but I *mean* it. "Your *only* job is to keep this little baby and yourself healthy. I don't want you pickin' Whit up and no changin' diapers. At least five hours extra a day in bed and no cooking or housework."
"ASS!" She yells, smacking my arm.
"What?"
"I see what this is really about. You just don't want me to cook!"
I can't help but smile a bit. "No," I try and deny it, but… as much as I tease her, she doesn't do too bad. Neither of us are fuckin' gourmet chefs, but… we do okay, I think.
"I'm *serious*. For the next six months- that's all you have to do is make sure this baby is okay and that you're well."
And besides the concerts here in a week, I ain't doin' nuthin' until the end of August when I'ma go to New York and unveil Shady Limited. I'ma just be workin' wit' D12 and we can work here as much as we can, so I can be here for her.
*********
He leans forward again and he means to kiss me gently- my chin or cheek or whatever, but I move my head so I can capture his lips with my own. God- I want him so desperately. There's a part of me that thinks I won't feel truly safe until he's inside me again.
I hold the back oh his head with my *good* wrist and deepen the kiss and he can't help but kiss me back. Fuck- I wish he'd just *touch* me.
"Knock, knock," the doctor says and Marsh quickly pulls away from me. "How we doin'?"
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~~~~~~~~"Lily?"
"What?" I sigh.
"We were supposed to leave tomorrow morning- for Detroit. For the concert. Do you… still wanna go? Or should we call and cancel."
"I dunno," I sigh.
"Lily? Rob and I think maybe… you should talk to someone. If not us, then maybe you'd benefit from seeing a doctor or-"
"A shrink? You want me to lay one someone's couch and tell them all about my dead mother and famous parents?"
"Lily- you seem… upset? Disturbed? We're worried. A shrink might be able to help you deal with your feelings and-"
"NO!" I yell. "I'm not gonna share *my* *feelings* with some stranger!"
"You need to share them with *some*one, Lil. It's killing you, Honey. It's eating you up inside."
I sigh and turn over, away from her.
"I wanna go back," I say softly.
"Back? To Detroit?"
"To when mom was here and we were going to breakfast every Sunday. To when she was my mom and my only mom and that's how it had always been."
"You can't, Lil. I'm sorry, but… you can't."
"But I *want* to."
"But you can't," she repeats and touches my shoulder softly like mom used to.
"NO!" I scream and jump up. "YOU CAN'T DO THAT! YOU CAN'T BE HER! IT'S NOT FAIR!"
"I know it's not. No one said it was, Lily. It's just… the way it is. You can't go back and you have to accept that."
"No." I sit back on my bed and she sits next to me.
"Lil… you gotta accept it. She's gone. And it sucks and it's *not* fair. But it *is* and you gotta move on. You gotta remember all the love she put inside you and keep *that* with you and let go of the anger. *Please* think about it. We can find a good shrink and-"
"*No*. No shrink is gonna tell me how I should feel."
"Okay, but maybe one could help you understand what you *do* feel."
"NO!" I say loudly. I *know* how I feel.
I'm angry. And I'm sad. And I'm… so unhappy.
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*********"MOMMY!" Hailie yells and comes running out of Shaun's house.
"Don't jump on her!" Marsh warns her.
She runs over to the car and climbs up into the car and hugs me gently. "I missed you so much, Mommy!"
"I know, Baby. I missed you too."
"Thanks, Man," Marsh tells Shaun and takes Whitney from him.
"A' course. How you doin', Kim?"
"I'm better, thanks, Shaun. For everything." He told us about the conversations he had with Lily and… it pains me to think how angry and confused she must be and we can't do a damn thing about it, because we don't know how to help our own daughter with her pain.
"You be good," he smiles and once Whitney is strapped in her car seat and Hailie is belted, Marsh pulls away.
"Daddy?"
"What, Hai?"
"Where Rae-Rae at?"
Shit- this must be… so confusing for *her* too. "She went back home for a while, Hai. She got sad and started missin' her family, so…" he explains.
"Does she not like us?" Hailie is too smart sometimes.
"Hai," I say, "she likes us fine. She's just got a lot going on in her heart and… she misses her mommy too. She needs time to heal. Do you understand?"
"Like you and Daddy?"
"Yeah, like Daddy and me." That's how we explained it to her when we split up. We told her we were tired of fighting and needed time to heal our hearts. "Okay?"
"Uh huh."
I look at Marsh and he nods at me. One more crisis averted… or handled. Whatever.
A few minutes later, we've pulled up in front of the house and we all just sort of… sit here, in the car, staring at it.
"Mommy?" Hailie's voice fills the silence after a few tense moments. "Grandma isn't gonna… I don't want you to fall again."
Me neither, Hailie.
And I am *so* glad when Marsh makes the decision for me. "We're gonna do something fun," he announces. "We're goin' shopping."
"Shopping?" I ask him and he looks at me.
"Yeah. For new clothes and we'll stay in a hotel in the city tonight, you, me and the girls. Okay?"
God yes. I nod. I just… I know, it's weird, but I don't think any of us are ready to go back in there.
"I'ma just run in and grab some diapers and shit for Whit, 'kay? Need anything?"
Besides you? No. "Nah."
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++++++++"Shh," I laugh a bit as she gets the door open. "You make me laugh," I whisper, "and I'll drop 'em."
"Don't do *that*," she says and we're followed in by two bellboys. "Woah," she says and I agree. Best hotel in Detroit. So good- it's a six star hotel. Five thousand bucks a night, thank you very much. Nuttin' but the best for my family.
I carry Whit and Hailie into the second bedroom and manage, somehow, to get them both down without waking them up or smashing their heads together. I cover them over with a blanket and put a barricade of pillows around them so Whit doesn't roll off the bed, but she doesn't move around too much.
I walk back out and the bellboys have gotten all of the bags out of the limo and I hand them each a fifty. "Thanks."
"Our pleasure, Sir," they say and disappear, closing the door behind them.
She's in the bedroom already and I follow her in. "How ya feelin'?" I *know* she's been fakin' how great she feels today. I *know* she's in pain. She's still got bruises and cuts. She can't feel wonderful, that's for sure.
"Good," she says softly before wincing when she lifts her shirt up.
"How about without the wince of pain in your eyes and tell me how you *really* feel."
"Like shit. But complaining ain't gonna stop it, so why bother?"
"'Mere," I say, kneeling on the bed and reaching for her. "Lay down."
"Why?"
"'Cause you need some Marshall-love."
"Marshall-love?" She questions with a raised eyebrow.
"Don't mock me. Never had a problem with Marshall-love before."
"No. I never did, did I?"
She lays down on the bed and I place a pillow gently behind her head. I slip my hand under her back to undo her bra and I toss it on the floor. "See? Better."
I don't wanna hurt her though, so I just kiss her softly and trail my tongue down to lave her nipples. "Marsh," she purrs and arches her back a bit and then whimpers in pain. Shit.
"I'm sorry!"
"No. It's… okay. I just-"
"I'm sorry. I just… wanna touch you so much." I fall beside her and damn. I hate this. Oh… "Kim?"
"Yeah?"
"I went to see my mother."
"Oh."
*********
Today was so great and he has to ruin it with his mother?
I mean… we went for lunch and then headed off to Macy's for an all expenses paid shopping spree. Hailie tried on about twenty dresses before picking a couple to buy and he held up outfits to Whitney and we picked her out some more. And then we went and got me some cargo pants and jeans and some shirts for the summer. He got some stuff and we all got new sneakers. We got some pajamas for the girls and I think it was basically so we didn't have to go back to the house for anything because we also got toothpaste and toothbrushes too. And he slipped the manager downstairs an extra hundred to get baby food for us.
And we had fun. Went for pizza for dinner and then to the arcade and asked the manager for a chair for me to sit in so I could watch him showing Hailie skeeball and the fine art of whacking the moles. And then we went to see Finding Nemo and the girls fell asleep on the way here. We exhausted them.
And besides the pain I'm in and the fact that none of us feel comfortable at our own home anymore and my eldest daughter may never speak to us again, today was pretty fuckin' great. Until the word 'mother' came up in reference to his.
"And?"
"She's… she's my mother, Kim. No matter what and-"
"Whad you do?"
He sits up and looks at me. "She says she's got breast cancer."
Oh.
"Oh."
"Yeah… I don't… don't think she'd lie about that. I mean… I could be wrong but-"
"Whad you say?"
"I… god, don't be mad at me, but I told her I'd cover all her medical bills if she agreed to five years of counseling and therapy."
"And?"
"She said yes. I told her it wouldn't change… us and that I couldn't forgive her for what she did to you. But… are you mad? I mean… she's my mother. I don't want her in jail- especially if she's…"
"I'm not mad," I tell him, which surprises us both a bit. But- "the baby's fine. I'll survive. And if she can get help, then… maybe that's good- especially for Nate. I don't expect you to sit around and watch your mother die, Marshall. I shouldn'ta followed her up the stairs and-"
"Don't. Don't blame yourself because my mom's sick. Okay?"
I nod and yawn. I'm worn out.
"Get some sleep," he says before kissing my forehead. He pulls my sneakers off and slowly pulls my jeans down before pulling the covers up.
"Stay, Marsh," I tell him and catch his hand. "Please?"
"I gotta make a couple calls first and-"
"Don't stay up too late writing. Okay?"
"Aiight," I say and yawn. I'm almost as bad as the girls. I'll prolly… be… asleep… in… no… t-
++++++++
I glance at the clock. Seven. It's still pretty early but… I think everyone is exhausted from worry and… but not me.
I dial in to check my voice mail. Boring Paul. Boring Steve. Boring Jimmy. Dre. Proof. Dawn. Boring, boring, bo- "Hello, Marshall. This is Rob. I'm calling about Lily. She… doesn't know I'm calling so call me back any time, day or night, on my cell phone."
I jot down the number and immediately dial. "Hello?"
"Rob, it's Marshall Mathers. I got your message. Is… Lily okay?" God, please don't let anything have-
"No, she's fine. I mean… physically, she's fine. But… we're concerned about her."
"What's wrong?" God- there ain't *nuthin'* I can do to make this better, is there?
"She's just- she's angry and she hasn't talked too much since she got back. We don't know what really happened. She won't talk and she's just… been in her room all week. She's not really eating and we suggested going to a shrink… we don't know what to do."
"Why are you… calling me?"
"Well- we were supposed to come out this weekend, but I don't think you should expect to see us. I guess I just wanted to know what happened." So I tell him. Everything. If it'll help Lily… I tell him everything. "Oh."
"Yeah," I sigh. "So… that's it. Would you… keep us posted? I mean… there ain't nuthin' else we can-"
"I don't believe that's true."
"Huh?! What?"
"*Every*one in her life has left her. That's what she thinks. I'm tellin' you to prove her wrong, Marshall." And with that, he hangs up.
OF COURSE! It's one of those Eureka moments really!
"KIM!" I run into the bedroom. "Baby? You up? Kim? Wake up!" I touch her face a little bit. "Wake up!"
"Mmm," she groans.
"Baby, wake up- I don't wanna leave wit'out tellin' you."
"Marsh?" She opens her eyes groggily. "What is-"
"I'ma go down to Milwaukee tonight. Aiight? I think I know how to help Lily."
"What?"
"Just… trust me. And go back to sleep. Okay? I'll call."
"Huh?"
"Just… trust me."
I grab a pair of jeans and a hoody before tearing out the door. I'll call Proof and Dawn and tell them to go over and help Kim with the kids and I'll call the realtor on the plane on the way down and… this'll be good.
I really fuckin' think I know what she needs.
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~~~~~~~~I glance at the clock when I decide to open my eyes. I'm still not back home in my huge bed. I keep closing my eyes, hoping I'll wake up. I know- I'm being melodramatic, but…
"Get up!" I hear before my door swings open.
"What the-" I jump up and- what the hell is *he* doin' here?
"Get up! Put some sweats on."
"GET OUT!" I yell. What the hell nerve does *he* have comin' in here and ordering me around?
"I'll be waiting down in the car. Get your butt in the car in five minutes."
"NO!" I say. "*Hell* no."
"*Yes*. You're comin' wit' me."
"NO! Why the hell would I go anywhere with-"
"Because I'm your father," he says sternly. "Now get your ass in some sweats and get your butt down in the car in five minutes or I'ma come up here and drag yo ass downstairs, sweats or not."
With that, he turns and leaves. What the hell right does he-
I see Rob standing in the hallway. "Did you call him?"
"Lily-"
"Did you CALL him?!" I ask, nastier. "You had *no* fuckin' right to-"
"Do what he says."
"No." I sit down on my bed and cross my arms. They can't boss me around. They aren't my parents. My mom is *dead* and she's the *only* one I'm gonna listen to.
Marcie comes close to the door and I look at her. "He *called* *them*!" HA. Take *that* Rob.
"Lily…"
"BITCH!" I yell. She's gonna- no. Why does everyone *hate* me? "FINE! See what a good friend to my mom *you* are!" I slam my door and change into some sweats before throwing the door open again. " I think I'd rather be in an orphanage than be *here*!" I growl at Marcie. "You *promised* her you'd take care of me. *This* what that is?! I don't know why she thought she could trust you."
I storm downstairs and slam the car door when I get in.
He doesn't say anything to me. He just drives and I just fume.
How DARE they?!
++++++++
Oh she's *mad*. I heard a little bit of what went down. She's *beyond* mad.
She's got Kim's and my temper squared.
I pull into the parking lot and shut the car off. "Get out."
"No."
OH she's Kim's daughter.
I turn toward her and growl, "Get the fuck out or stay here by yourself all night."
And then I get out and head in without lookin' back and I hear the door open and slam.
"I appreciate this," I tell the owner when he lets us by.
"Where the fuck are we?" She grumbles but follows me into the ring. "Why are we *here*?"
I turn around and toss her the gloves. "Put 'em on."
"What? No."
"Put 'em on," I growl.
"No."
"Chicken?" I taunt her.
"No," she furrows her eyebrows.
"Then put 'em on," I challenge and she does. Oh yeah- she's *so* Kim. "Now hit me."
""What?" She asks, her eyes *not* looking angry for a second, but confused.
"Whatever the fuck your problem is- you're mad at us for givin' you up, mad at your mom for dying- at the world- whatever it is *deal* with it."
"You don't know *any*thing about my mom."
"I know she left you and didn't tell you the truth until it was too late."
"NO!" She yells.
"And you're mad at her for it."
"NO!" She yells angrily and unbelieving, before taking a step closer to me.
"Uh huh. And you're pissed that she lied all those-"
"NO!" She yells and swings and misses. "I'm mad at YOU!"
"Why? 'Cause we kept Hailie? 'Cause we havin' another baby and didn't want you?"
"YOU LET ME GO!" She yells and swings, connecting with my upper arm. Wow. Okay. She's got a bit more power than I thought she'd have. "You love that baby more than me!" She screams and hits me again in the side. I just take it. She *needs* this. She needs to get it out. "AND YOU LET YOUR MOM HIT ME!" She yells.
"Yeah? And we ain't pressin' charges on her neither," I say. She *needs* to get this out.
Her *eyes* go red at that and she swings with both arms this time, gettin' me right in the gut twice. "YOU GAVE ME AWAY TO A DYING WOMAN!" She screams and swings again and gets a few good shots in. "AND YOU'RE RICH AND EVERYONE KNOWS MORE ABOUT YOU THAN *ME*! AND YOU'RE STUPID AND YOU SAY HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT PEOPLE AND YOU LOVE HAILIE MORE THAN ME AND YOU WANT THIS BABY MORE THAN ME AND YOU LOVE SOME OTHER GUY'S BABY MORE THAN YOU LOVE ME! AND I HATE YOU!"
The punches don't stop and she gets a few really good hits in, but it's nothing I can't take. She *needs* this.
"AND MOM IS GONE AND SHE'S NOT COMING BACK AND IT'S NOT FAIR AND IT'S *YOUR* FAULT! SHE LIED TO ME AND COULDA TOLD ME THE TRUTH AND SHE DIDN'T AND NOW SHE'S DEAD AND YOU SHOULDA NEVER GIVEN ME TO HER IN THE FIRST PLACE!"
She's slowing down a bit. Hitting less hard. Good.
"And I want her back," she half-sobs, half-pleads.
"You can't have that."
"No," she shakes her head.
"Accept it," I order her. "*DEAL* with it."
She's crying as she hits me a couple more times but barely has the strength behind them and then her arms drop to her sides and she just falls to the floor crying hysterically.
I fall to my knees and sweep her up into my lap and cradle her in my arms as she cries.
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*********Okay. Marsh called and he actually helped Lily! He says she's doin' a lot better and he's gonna come home today and she and her family is coming at the end of the week for the Fourth of July.
And Dawn came and took the girls down to the pool for a bit so I'm free to climb into the shower and take a nice-
Ow. What is… oh my god.
I clutch my stomach and SHIT. What the fuck *is* that. I grab the chair to hold myself up. Oh god. What the- I reach for the phone. Oh god- it's like fire through my body.
Ow. "HELP!" I scream. God- please- I can't… I fall onto the floor and ow- that was my rib and I just clutch my stomach.
"Please- don't take my baby," I whisper.
Author: crazyevildru@yahoo.com
These stories are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious, and the authors mean no harm to EMINEM, his family, friends, or anyone else that may have been depicted as a 'real life' character. No money was made on the fiction here, either directly or indirectly, i.e. paid advertising. In other words - it's just a bunch of shit we wrote for fun. Please don't take it seriously.