Rain
WARNING: CONTAINS SEXUALLY EXPLICIT CONTENT
Title : Rain
Pairing: Eminem/Kim
Summary: Em and Kim are trying work things out, meanwhile- fourteen year old Lily Rayne has problems of her own.AUTHOR'S NOTES: I will NOT be address Kim's niece who is supposedly living with them. For the purposes of this, she doesn't exist in their home permanently. 1) I don't want to complicate things MORE. 2) Some sources say her name is Amy others say it's Aidan. 3) I'm the author and it's my right! It's fanfic! :-) I will *also* not really be addressing Nathan *too* much. He may pop up- but he's not living with them either. ALSO I am assuming the book "Cleanin' Out My Closet" is a load of crap since that's what the man himself said. So any information J.R. Watkins said about Kim or Em and their relationship does not apply here.
ONE MORE THING!!! This fiction is color coded for ease of reading since there are three main characters!! Anytime you see (------), it means time has passed. Here's the KEY:
++++++++
-------------
*********
-------------
~~~~~~~~
----------22
~~~~~~~~
I can't sleep.
It's not fair.
Proof's family is nice and they tried, as best they could, they tried.
I open my eyes and watch Hailie. She's curled up on the other side of the bed and she *finally* got to sleep, after about three hours of back rubbing and singing.
Poor thing.
I can't help but think that's *exactly* what everyone thought about *me* when they saw me at the hospital or whatever.
And what if she dies? I mean- forget me and Marshall. I don't want Hailie to feel what losing your mother is like. *No* one ever *should* know what that's like, when there's no reason or-
NO. I get up out of bed and head down to the kitchen. I gotta get some-
"Hey there, Chickie," he greets me. "Can't sleep?"
"How'd you guess?"
"Grab a spoon," he tells me and points to a drawer. Okay, I guess a little ice cream won't hurt.
I pull one out and sit down next to him and he hands me the carton.
"Wanna talk?" He asks.
"No." I take another couple spoonfuls. Mom and I did this sometimes. "One time, Mom and I had a whole half gallon of ice cream for breakfast," I state. "It was funny because we had a sugar high the rest of the day and *such* a headache that night." He smiles. "Think his mom'll get convicted?"
"Convicted?" He questions as he takes the carton from me to take a few spoonfuls.
"For pushing Kim down the stairs."
"Did she?"
"*Yes*. She *knew* she was pregnant and pushed her anyways. It wasn't the 'shove' push- it was the 'die motherfucker die' push."
"WOAH! Language!" He scolds.
"*Please*. I'm fourteen, not four."
"Sorry, I just- wasn't expectin' that."
"Do you think she'll serve time?"
"Dunno. Don't Kim and Marsh gotta be willing to testify and press charges?"
"Why would they *not* be willing?"
"She's his *mother*."
"She's a fuckin' psychopath! She *pushed* Kim down the stairs! She should pay."
"Well, I dunno what to tell you. I don't know nuthin' 'bout the situation or whatever. Just have to wait an' see, I guess."
"Wait and see if she lives or not? If she has permanent *brain* damage… and he- I don't get it."
"What?"
"Why wouldn't he give her the drugs?" *That's* something I can't get over in my head. He *told* me if he had to choose and let the baby go to save her, he'd do it. What the fuck happened? I swear- if she… and he coulda *done* something?
"It's okay to be mad," he says.
"I'm not mad, why would I be mad?"
"You're Marsh and Kim's kid, aincha? They *famous* for their fights. Ain't nobody in the D that can fight like them two can."
"I'm not mad," I repeat.
Am I?
Well, I don't know, but I think I'm finally tired.
I throw my spoon in the sink. "Night."
"Try and git some sleep, Girl, aiight?"
"'Kay."
I walk up the stairs and climb into the bed. Hailie's still asleep and I'm glad.
I just don't get it. He *said* he'd choose her life over a baby. What- he can't give permission for the drugs? He won't give up this child but… he gave up me?
I'm trying to get it and I do. I mean… my brain *knows* they did what they had to. I mean… how fucked up would I be if I'd lived with that woman?
But he'd give *me* up but not this baby?
Am I the *only* one they wouldn't fight for?
I sink down onto my knees onto the floor and clasp my hands.
"Mama?" I say softly. "Mama… I *know* you're there. You gotta be. I'm just… I miss you. Every day. I just… you said I'd have this great life but how am I supposed to- you're not here to share it with me. I just…" I don't know.
I put my head down on the bed and…
I just can't stop seein'- mom's eyes and… Kim falling down the stairs. Is it *me*? Am I cursed? Wherever I go, I kill mothers?
No. That's stupid.
I just… could have all the facts in the world and I'll never understand why Mom left me.
Maybe this was just… too soon to get involved with them.
"What am I supposed to do? Move in with them and be one big happy family? Well I can't do that, so if that's what you wanted, Mom… I can't. I can't just pretend you never existed. I can't pretend you didn't die because you *did*, because I *saw* it. I *watched* it and… I don't wanna be mad, Mom. But how could you never *tell* me? And you had to let it go until the day you freakin' died and couldn't *talk* to me about it. How could you DO that to me?"
God. I choke back and sob and- fuck. I turn and look at Hailie. Oh- she just turned over. I just… I can't wake her up.
"Mama, I love you, but- how could you… lie to me?"
I crawl back onto the bed and wipe my eyes but it doesn't help. Doesn't stop the tears from soaking my pillow as I cry myself to sleep.
++++++++
I don't even *know* how long we've just sat here, holding each other.
I was… I still am, I guess. She's not out of the danger, I don't think. I guess we won't know until we call the doctor or whatever, but… I'm afraid.
I'm afraid to call because they could tell us that they still wanna give her the drugs and she'll be upset and-
"Marsh?" She asks quietly and I am so fuckin' happy to hear her voice and know it's not a dream.
"Yeah, Baby?" I ask before placing a kiss on the top of her head and tightening my arms around her gently. God- I can't even *say* how fuckin' relieved I am that she's awake, but… I've just got a bad feelin' about this.
"The baby, Marsh, is he okay?"
"So far," I tell her and she sighs in relief. "I was so worried, Kim. I don't… I don't know what I'd do witouchu."
"Where's the kids at? Are they okay? God- Lily was *there*."
"So was Hai, Kim." She gasps a bit. "We got home just as you and she were- do you remember what happened?"
"I- we were fighting and I followed her up the stairs and-"
She stops. "Kim?"
*********
"It's all muddled," I say. Dammit. I can't see it. I know I went up the stairs and we were screaming but it gets all muddled and foggy.
Why can't I *see* it? There's just… a gap. DAMMIT.
"Baby?"
"I don't *know*," I say angrily. It's very frustrating not knowing what the fuck *happened* to me! Oh head rus-ohshit. "Marsh-" I clasp my head. "My head- it hurts."
"KIM! NO!" He jumps up carefully and starts pushing the nurse's button like crazy. "Just-"
"What *happened* to me?"
"You landed at the bottom of the stairs, Kim. And you had this swelling in your head that kept you knocked out, but-"
"My head?" Oh god. I grab my head again.
The nurses come rushing in and a couple minutes later, a doctor comes in as well and glances at a few machines and-
"How do you feel, Kim?"
"Other than a splitting fuckin' headache?"
"What *is* it, Doc?" Marsh asks impatiently. "Is it-"
"I don't think so. We're going to take you down for another head CT, but you took quite a fall. Probably suffered a concussion and the long and short of it is one helluva migraine. We can give you some-"
"No!" I say. "No drugs. They're not good for the baby. And I want any drugs stopped from the IV drip."
"You have a cracked rib, Kim, not to mention numerous bruises and aches and pains associated with-"
"*Look*," I growl and hold my head again. "*I'm* the patient. And I want the drugs to stop or I'm going elsewhere."
He nods and the nurse starts removing tubes from the IV stand.
Once they finish, they leave and I look at him. He's got that worried look in his eyes. I can only imagine the hell he's been going through the past… "How long have we been here?"
"Not even a day," he says and sits back down on the bed. "Kim…"
"It's okay," I say. "I'm here. I'm not goin' nowhere."
"You can't, Baby. Okay? Promise me- swear it. I can't live witouchu."
"I promise," I say. "While I'm gone for the CT, call the girls and-"
"I will."
"Tell them I love them."
"I will."
-------------
++++++++I just off the phone wit' Proof and I'm glad the girls are doin' as best as can be expected, I think. Plus he's gonna bring 'em first thing in the morning and we'll all just have a chat about what happened.
I got about twenty messages from Paul. They gotta know what to release to the media or some shit but ya know what *I* say? FUCK OFF! It ain't none a' their damn business!
"Marsh!" I hop up and run down the hall to meet them wheelin' her back to her room.
I grab her hand. "Well?"
"He's lookin' at the results. He said he'd be up as soon as he was done."
"Good. How ya feelin'?"
She fakes a smile and says, "okay."
"Don't lie." She's such a trooper though.
"It hurts- my whole body, but… I'll be okay."
"You want some pain reliever?"
"*No*," she growls. "No drugs. I'm sure they already gave me enough and I don't wanna hurt the baby."
"Kim… I-" I wanna tell her. I gotta know if I did the right thing or-
*********
"What?" I ask as they put the bed back and hang up the IV bags. "What is it?"
He sits on the bed and I take his hands in mine and god… I can *tell* how shook up he is. I guess I just… I know he's my world, but I guess I never really knew I was *his*.
"They wanted me to- this drug that would stop the swelling and I hadda choose, and... But it'd… kill the baby and I couldn't do it, Kim."
"Couldn't do what?"
"It coulda… you coulda *died* because I didn't wanna kill the baby. What does that say about me?"
"Oh, Marsh," I say softly and touch his face gently. "Marsh, look at me," I say and he does. "I wouldn'ta wanted it either, Marsh."
"But you coulda… god, Kim, I almost lost you! Don't *never* do that to me again."
"C'mere," I say and pull him down so his forehead is to mine. "I won't ever leave you, Marshall Mathers. You think I'm through puttin' you through hell? I don't *think* so."
"Kim- it ain't funny!"
"I know, I know." I kiss his lips softly. "I-" I wanna tell him about the dream and how beautiful our son's gonna be- but the doctor comes in.
"How do you feel?" He asks.
"Like I fell down a flight of stairs," I laugh, but they don't find it amusing. Tough room, I guess.
"Yes, well… we're optimistic. The uh… swelling is sig*nif*icantly less than it was earlier, so… baring anything else going wrong, I'd say you'll make a full recovery."
"*Really*?" Marsh asks quietly. "We… got our miracle," he says, not so much *to* anyone, but…
"Yes. They'll move you to a private room tomorrow, mid-morning, I'd say. And your ob is going to come in tomorrow and do a full exam to double check on the baby."
"Ok. Thanks, Doctor," I say.
"You should try and get some sleep."
"I will. I promise." He leaves and I look at Marsh. "Here that? I'ma be okay."
"Kim… it's…" He just sighs loudly and I swear I could actually *see* the weight lift from his shoulders. He kisses me softly but I want more, so I deepen the kiss and pull on his arm. I want him to touch me. "Kim-" he stops though. "You got broken bones."
"Cracked," I correct him.
"Don't matter. You gotta get some rest."
"You too," I tell him. "You should go home and-"
"*No*. Ain't nuthin' gonna take me outta here, Kim. I'll sleep in the chair once *you're* asleep. Okay?"
"Alright," I sigh. I *am* rather tired.
-------------
++++++++"Thanks, Sweetie," she says and kisses my cheek.
"No prob," I reply and put the brush back on the table. With her wrist, she couldn't brush it on her own. "How ya feelin'?"
"I'm-" I just glare at her. I *know* she's about to spew some bullshit about her bein' 'fine', but I know she ain't. I've *heard* her doin' that- stiffling back whimpers of pain- thing. "It hurts. A *lot*. Bruises- my muscles and… just everywhere, but-"
I place a small kiss on her stomach. "Me and the baby appreciate the sacrifice, Kim."
"OH! The baby! I gotta-"
"Knock knock?" I turn and Proof comes in, carrying Whitney. "Mind if we come in?"
"No!" Kim's eyes light up. "C'mon in!"
"MOMMY!" Hailie screams and bolts into the room and rushes over to the bed. "Mommy- are you sick?"
"Just a bit sore, Hai. But I'ma be okay, so don't worry. 'Kay?"
"Promise?"
"I swear."
I look over at the door and see Lily standing there, watching.
*********
"C'mere, Hai," I tell her. "Just be careful," I tell her and she crawls up on the bed. "You been good for Uncle Shaun?"
"Uh huh."
"Good."
"Are you gonna die like Rae-Rae's mom?"
"*Hailie*!" I look over at Lily and… I just can't tell where she is. I can't imagine this is easy for her.
"You flew down the stairs!" She starts sobbing. "And you weren't *moving*! Grandma wanted to kill you, Mommy! Why?"
"Hailie- I…" I don't *remember*.
"Hai," Marsh says. "I know you were scared. I was too. I'm sorry you were- you saw that, but… we talked about how sick Grandma is, 'member?"
I close my eyes and… god. We were arguing. Something about- I screamed at her about Lily and… she was- the reason. And what after that? She said something… *what* did she-
//"AND I'M DYING BECAUSE OF *YOU*!"//
Dying? And then-
Ohgod! I gasp.
"Kim?" Marsh asks. "You okay?"
She… I touch my upper chest where she- hit me- pushed me.
"Kim?" He repeats, more worried this time.
"She… Debbie- she-" I stop and take a deep breath before look at Shaun. "Could you take the youngin's down to get some jello?"
"Sure, sure," he says. "C'mon, Monkey," he tells Hailie.
"Mommy? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, Sweetie, Mommy just- I have to talk to Daddy about something quick. Okay? Go get some jello with Uncle Shaun and then maybe we'll find some cartoons on TV, okay?"
She nods and runs off.
"Do you- want me to-"
"No, Lily, please… come in. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with all this."
"Yeah, I kinda wanted to talk to you guys about that, but- are you okay?"
"I remembered," I state. "Your mom- she… pushed me."
"Yeah. They're holdin' her, I think. But I dunno, I haven't answered Paul's calls."
I don't wanna think about her right now. "Lily- are you okay?"
~~~~~~~~
Am I okay?
No- I rather think not.
"Why would you give me up so easily and not give her the drugs if it meant killing the baby? This baby that much more important than me?"
I didn't mean to say it, but god dammit, they owe me that much.
"Lily," they both say, almost at the same time. "That's not-"
"DON'T!" I yell. "You fuckin' gave me *up* and you wouldn't save *her*?" I yell at him. "You *said* you'd give up the baby to keep her alive and then you- she could have *died* and it woulda been YOUR FAULT! You DID IT! You *killed* her! You killed my mother…"
God, I can't feel my legs and I collapse onto the floor and his arms are around me and I just wrap my arms around him and cry.
I don't even know how long I cry, but… I finally stop and I just hold him and listen to what he says.
"Lily… I thought I could do it. I was ready to do it, tell them to give her the drugs, but- we *didn't* fight for you, not as hard as we should have. We gave up too easily and we *know* that. We coulda moved out and at least been *with* you. But… we *didn't* fight for you. We just… didn't know how. But I *knew* that Kim would fight for this baby. We… it's fucked up. We thought we… did the best we could. But- we failed and we're so sorry."
"Rayne?" I gasp and look up at Kim when the tears start falling again. "I don't know what this is like for you- but… I *wasn't* just fighting for this baby. When I was… I just kept falling- over and over- just falling through the clouds. And it wasn't Hailie and Whitney I saw, or heard calling for me. I fought for you too."
I pull away from him and stand up. "I'm sorry," I say. "I'm just… I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready to be your daughter or Hailie's sister or… I'm just- my mother's dead and you can't *be* her and you can't bring her back and… I'm just- I wanna go home."
And I turn around and walk out the door to go sit in the lobby.
I just… I thought I was ready for this, but I'm not.
Author: crazyevildru@yahoo.com
These stories are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious, and the authors mean no harm to EMINEM, his family, friends, or anyone else that may have been depicted as a 'real life' character. No money was made on the fiction here, either directly or indirectly, i.e. paid advertising. In other words - it's just a bunch of shit we wrote for fun. Please don't take it seriously.