Rain
WARNING: CONTAINS SEXUALLY EXPLICIT CONTENT
Title : Rain
Pairing: Eminem/Kim
Summary: Em and Kim are trying work things out, meanwhile- fourteen year old Lily Rayne has problems of her own.AUTHOR'S NOTES: I will NOT be address Kim's niece who is supposedly living with them. For the purposes of this, she doesn't exist in their home permanently. 1) I don't want to complicate things MORE. 2) Some sources say her name is Amy others say it's Aidan. 3) I'm the author and it's my right! It's fanfic! :-) I will *also* not really be addressing Nathan *too* much. He may pop up- but he's not living with them either. ALSO I am assuming the book "Cleanin' Out My Closet" is a load of crap since that's what the man himself said. So any information J.R. Watkins said about Kim or Em and their relationship does not apply here.
ONE MORE THING!!! This fiction is color coded for ease of reading since there are three main characters!! Anytime you see (------), it means time has passed. Here's the KEY:
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~~~~~~~~It's been too long. I don't know *how* long, but I know it's been *too* long.
"You think it'd take this long if nuthin' was wrong?" He asks.
My thoughts exactly.
"Maybe they're just being thorough," I say but I don't buy it.
Something's wrong.
"You should eat something," he tells me.
"*You* should," I spit back.
"Touché," he shrugs.
"I'll eat something if you do," he says.
I don't know what it is with people and hospitals but they're either eating something or making *you* eat something.
He walks over to the nurses' station- "'Bout how long will it take?"
"Probably a half hour or so- it's a bit backed up there," she answers.
"Oh- but… everything is okay?"
"They won't know until they're finished, Sir. Maybe you can go down to the cafeteria while you wait and get something to eat."
See what I mean?
"I'll guy you some dinner?" He offers and I nod.
We get on the elevator and he presses the B for basement. I often wondered, having spent considerable amounts of time in four different hospitals, why they seem to put their cafeterias on the same floor as the morgue.
"I'm *really* sorry about all this," he says, sort of out of the blue. "I know it can't be *easy* havin' to- I mean… I'm prolly no picnic right now, so-"
"Don't worry about me," I tell him.
"But it's my job. I'm the-" he stops himself.
"The dad?" I finish *for* him.
"Yeah," he sighs as the doors open.
We got through the line and I didn't think I was hungry until the smell of food hit me and I get a turkey on rye, cup of soup, ships, cookie and Mountain dew. He gets the same and just as we sit down at a corner table, he notices two women walking toward us, one with a camera and press pass around her neck.
He jumps up. "C'mon, Man, respect a guys'-"
"I just wanted to tell you my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family right now," the reporter says quietly.
"Huh?" He asks.
++++++++
Huh?
I mean- "huh?" I ask.
"Sorry, Jane Austin," she says and offers her hand. "Associated Press."
I shake her hand after a few seconds. "Sorry- I just-"
"We got here and found they were banning press from ICU, so we were just going to get a cup of coffee and go. But I wanted to-"
"Thanks," I say. I don't believe her though. I mean- that's *never* happened before. What the- she's walking away? "Jane!" I call and she turns and looks at me. "*Thanks*."
"No problem," she winks at me and continues on her way.
I sit back down and I just- don't understand. She didn't ask about Lily or Kim or Debbie or me or- she just walked away.
"*That's* the girl you should do tell all interviews with," Lily says, taking a huge bite of her sandwich.
Ya know- I never understood why on TV and shit, they're always tellin' ya to go get something to eat but- now I do. I'm starving. I just didn't *know* it.
I hate this.
I HATE this.
Fuck. I hate this.
I just keep seein' her fallin' down those fuckin' stairs and I tried to stop her or-
But I couldn't. I failed. And I yelled at Hailie and somewhere and- I don't know what do to. She needs her Daddy. Well- she needs her mommy too but she can't have that right now.
"You think we should stay here tonight or go back to the house or-"
"If you wanted to stay, I'd go stay with Hailie," she says.
"You don't have to-"
"I know. But- I'm the big sister. I *want* to."
God. She already thinks of herself as- I'm constantly amazed by this girl. Seriously, I am.
"Well, we'll- shit. We'll wait 'n' see how we feel in a couple hours."
She nods and we finish eating in silence and return to the room and it looks like they're just bringing her back.
"Doctor? How-" god. How do I ask if my- if she'll have brain damage? How do I ask if she'll have lost the ability to walk or talk or *breathe*?
"We've got good news and bad news."
Lily's standin' beside and I grab her head.
"Okay," I say.
"Kim's head CT shows no severe trauma to the brain." I always said Kim was thick headed; I'll have to tell her I was right. "However, there is some swelling that's causing her to remain unconscious."
"Will it- what'll it do?"
"Well, there *is* the possibility that it'll go down on its own."
"And the others?"
He sighs. It's *never* good when doctor's sigh. "If the swelling doesn't go down on its own or starts to get worse, we can either use a drill to-"
"Not an option. What's the other?" I don't want them *drillin'* into her-
"Inject her with a type of steroid that would stop the swelling."
"What about the baby?"
"Why don't we cross that road when we-"
"If we give her the drug now, will it save her? I mean… if the swelling don't go away- could she- die?"
"Mr. Mathers, at this time, there's no reason to think the swelling won't go down on its own."
"How will we know?"
"We're monitoring it closely."
"And the-" Suddenly, there's a lot of beeping and nurses and running in and one is pulling me away. They're running around the room lookin' at different machines and pullin' out more needles and-
"What's going on?! Is she-" I wanna hold her hand if she's-
"No, Sir, please just step outside for-"
"NO! What IS it?!" I demand.
"The baby, Sir."
Our baby?
~~~~~~~~
Oh god!
The look in his eyes is just- and they push us out the door so they can run around and-
God? If you're listening, if you're up there, don't take them from us. *Please*. Give me *this*. You own me this much.
They close the door to the room and fuck. This isn't FAIR> It wasn't supposed to be this way. I don't know how it was supposed to be, but it wasn't supposed to be *this* way.
I don't know how long it is until the door opens but-
"Doc, what the hell's goin' on wit' my wife?"
I'm not really sure he realizes what he just called her. I'm not sure it matters.
"The swelling increased and caused a temporary pause with her lung function. We've got her on a respirator now, but-"
"What?"
"It's time to take action," he states and I don't think Marshall could *get* any paler. "We need to think of Kim's safety right now. The swelling could continue to increase and-"
"What about the baby?"
"I think you should- assume the baby is gone."
"But he's not, right? He's still livin' inside her?"
"Yes, but-"
"The operation or drugs will-" God. This… sucks. "You're tellin' me I gotta give you authorization to… kill our baby?"
"We need permission to save your wife."
++++++++
I walk into the room where she's layin' blissfully unaware of what I gotta do.
"Is the swelling increasing right *now*?" I ask, lookin' down at her. She's… god- they got so many things hooked up to her. She's three months along. She'd start to show in a few weeks. She always showed early.
"Mr. Mathers?" he asks.
"Right now, is it- if we don't do nuthin', what are-"
"She'll die, along with your baby."
"What are the chances?"
"The chances?"
"C'mon, doctors are all about chances, ain't they? So what are the chances of her- if we don't-"
"Ninety percent," he answers me. "Ninety percent chance she'll die."
"So there's ten percent that she won't?"
"Mr. Mathers, I really don't think you get the severity of this situation. I-"
"OH, I do," I tell him, angrily turning toward him. "I *do*. I get that I have to decide who lives and dies here and-"
"*No*," he says. "You don't. Your child is already lost, now you need to save your wife."
"What are her chances of surviving the operation? Huh? Drillin' into someone's head can't be risk free, can it?"
"No, Sir, it's not. But it's the best-"
"What are the chances?"
"There's a thirty percent chance she'd die."
"Thirty?" I can't- I- "I gotta have a few minutes to think about this."
"With all due respect, we don't *have* a few minutes. If we wait and it-"
"I *get* it," I say. Does he think I'm fuckin' stupid? That I don't know waitin' just a minute could kill her? "With all 'due respect', it's not *your* wife that's layin' on this bed. I need a few minutes."
He and Lily leave and I sit on the stool next to the bed and take her hand in mine. "Kim, Baby- I don't know what the fuck to do here. They tell me I gotta let 'em shoochu up with this shit that'll stop your head from explodin', but it'll kill the-" I place my other hand on her belly. I wanna see her get fat again and know it's *my* child. I wanna-
But I wanna have *her* too.
"Kimmy, I'll die witouchu. How can I just- let you die? I don't know what the fuck to-"
Yes I do.
I *do* know what to do. What I *gotta* do, for us.
~~~~~~~~
"Tell Mr. Mathers that I need to know as soon as possible, okay?"
"I will, I answer. I just- don't understand this. It's not fair. I already lost a mother. Do I gotta lose another? The more I think about it, the more I just wish I could roll over and die.
I can't imagine what's goin' through his mind right now. It's a *terrible* choice to have to make and he has to. I can't help but think what Mom felt being completely helpless when it came to me and what would happen. Is it worse to have to choose?
Like… was she ever gonna tell me about bein' adopted? What if it was dying and letting me know my real family, or living and me never knowing the truth? Was that it?
It's like… I don't wanna be angry at her for this. I don't wanna- but I never got to be angry about it. I never got to be angry about a *lot* of things. I just had to- be okay with it. But… I wonder why she never told me sooner. Maybe she was just afraid of me leaving, but- did she think I didn't love her enough to stay with her? And if she didn't believe I would stay, maybe she didn't know how much I loved her and how much I needed her.
There's just… so much going on. I mean… I don't wanna try and understand the way of God. Mom said that- never question his choices because he knows more than we do.
But why would he… *do* this to me? Haven't I lost enough already?
Haven't *they*?
And that woman… I can see why they couldn't keep me there. I understand. I don't question it anymore. They made the only choice they could, given the circumstances.
"I'm a friend of the family, mutherf-" I turn toward the nurses' station and-
"NURSE!" I run over there, just as security gets there. "NO! he's a friend of the family," I say. I recognize him from the videos and stuff. "He's okay."
"Are you sure, Miss?" The guard asks me and I nod.
"Yeah, yeah, he's a friend," I say and the guard leaves. "She's… down here," I tell him and I have no idea if he even knows about me, so… I walk back to the room all the while feeling his eyes on my back. "I uh-"
"I can't believe my eyes," he says.
"Huh?"
"I held you when you was like a day old, less than. 'Course then Marsh realized I had absolutely no idea what to do wit' a baby so he quickly took you away but… c'mere and give your Uncle Shaun a hug."
And without any warning, he yanks me into his arms and I guess this tells me he knows about me. "How'd you know-"
"Marsh tol' me 'bouchu, that they'd seen ya and shit. So- pretty teen, blue eyes, Kim's nose- hadda be you. What's goin' on wit' Kim?"
Marsh opens the door just then, his eyes completely sad.
++++++++
"Please understand what I'm sayin' here, Kim, okay? Just- get that I'm- I wish I just had some sign that this is what you would want, but- you always fight wit' me and I need ya to fight on this too, Kim. I need ya to this for me, 'kay? Please, Baby, just this once- let me be right."
Okay. I guess I should… let the doctor know.
"Kim- if you can hear me, Baby- you gotta fight for this- for Hailie, for Whit and Lily and Dylan, okay? Just… fight."
I open the door and Proof grabs me for a quick hug. "Where's Hailie, Dawg?"
"Wit' Dawn and Whit."
"Lily tol' me what's-"
"Have we made a decision?" The doc asks and that's annoying.
"No. *I* have," I correct him harshly.
"And?"
*Please* *PLEASE* let this be the right choice. PLEASE!
"We're not doin' nuthin' to her," I state.
"WHAT? You're gonna let her die?!"
"No. I'm not gonna let neither one of 'em die. Kin's strong. She'll beat this."
"She'll need a miracle," he says angrily.
"Well- everyone's entitled to one, right?"
"Mr. Mathers! I hardly think-"
"I think he already decided," Proof practically growls and the doctor leaves.
I love Proof. He's always got my back. "You think you can take Lily and Hai and Whit to your place tonight? I don't wanna leave 'em wit' Dawn."
"Yeah, no problem, Marsh. You know that. Anything you need."
"Thanks."
"You don't mind, do you?" I ask Lily. I mean…
"No, no, no. It'll be- I mean- it'll be fine. I'll talk to Hailie a bit and try to help her."
"Thanks a lot," I tell her before giving her a big hug and a few minutes later, they're gone. Good- she needs to get some rest and I really don't want her to watch another person- I mean… in case.
I go back into the room and sit down next to the bed. I take her hand in mine and just rest my forehead on it. "Just fight, Baby, fight."
*********
I just wanna stop falling. I wanna stop. "Mommy!"
I keep watching the clouds fly by and I fall through the ocean again and down deep into the earth. God- how long have I been falling?
"Mommy! MOMMY! Mommm!"
STOP.
And I do, in the middle of the clouds, I do.
"Kim," I hear his voice.
"Mama?"
I look down and- god. "Baby?" I ask as he cries and starts falling. "NOOOOOO! NO!" I try and grab him but he just falls away crying for me. "NO!"
Things are so bright here and I can't see him and I wish I could just fall and get him.
"Kimmy, fight."
His voice echoes through the clouds in my ears. But my baby-
My baby!
He's crying and- I hear him again, crying, coming closer and- I watch as he falls by me through the clouds down into the ocean.
"NO!"
"Mommy! Kim… Mama!"
No. I can't leave him here.
I won't *leave* him here.
I won't let him keep falling.
I'm sorry- I just… can't let him keep falling.
And I keep falling.
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My eyes fly open when the droning of beeps and air compressions changes to one long beep.
"KIM!" I jolt awake and see the doctor's and nurses pouring into the room and start pushin' me away. "KIM!"
They start doin' compressions and everything just goes blurry and the room is spinning and all I hear is that one. long. beep.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Mathers," I hear the doctor saying. "But you KILLED HER!"
"NOO!" I jump up off the stool and- god. Thank God. "Kim," I whisper. "*Please*- you gotta wake up."
Yeah. Maybe I *shouldn't* sleep.
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~~~~~~~~Shit. I run upstairs. I need diapers for Whit and clothes for us three.
It's not fair!
IT'S NOT FAIR!
I scream into the house and it echoes off the walls.
"YOU OWE ME!" I yell. "YOU FUCKIN' *OWE* ME!" I grab stuff and shove it into a few plastic bags. This isn't fair! Don't I deserve to be happy? Don't I deserve to *have* something?!
"IT'S NOT FAIR! WHY CAN'T YOU DO THIS FOR ME?! I watched my mom *die*! I watched her eyes go dead! I watched her wither away and DIE! Just… give me *this*," I cry and collapse at the bottom of the stairs, where she landed. "Mommy, *please* save them."
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++++++++My eyes fly open when the rhythmic beeps change and it's erratic and crazy and her eyes pop open and she grabs her stomach.
She's- awake? Oh god- "Kim!"
"I'm trying," she whispers and then goes limp and one. long. beep.
"NO!" I snap up and stare at her still body. I glance at the clock. One in the morning.
I just… can't sleep.
*********
Just a little bit further- a little faster.
He's crying and crying and falling and-
"GOTCHA!" I say and hold him tightly to my body. "Mama gotcha," I whisper and kiss his forehead.
++++++++
"Mickey…"
WHAT?
My head snaps up to- oh god. Her eyes are open!
"Kim! You're- awake! Kim! Oh god!" I kiss her forehead and- she's awake! "Are you- okay? Are you in any pain?"
"Marsh, what-"
"I gotta go get a doctor!"
"No!" She grabs my hand. "No, don't leave me."
"Never, Kim," I say, half-sitting, half-laying on the bed. I wrap my arms around her and she wraps her arms around my arms. "Never again, Baby."
Author: crazyevildru@yahoo.com
These stories are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious, and the authors mean no harm to EMINEM, his family, friends, or anyone else that may have been depicted as a 'real life' character. No money was made on the fiction here, either directly or indirectly, i.e. paid advertising. In other words - it's just a bunch of shit we wrote for fun. Please don't take it seriously.