Rain
WARNING: CONTAINS SEXUALLY EXPLICIT CONTENT
Title : Rain
Pairing: Eminem/Kim
Summary: Em and Kim are trying work things out, meanwhile- fourteen year old Lily Rayne has problems of her own.AUTHOR'S NOTES: I will NOT be address Kim's niece who is supposedly living with them. For the purposes of this, she doesn't exist in their home permanently. 1) I don't want to complicate things MORE. 2) Some sources say her name is Amy others say it's Aidan. 3) I'm the author and it's my right! It's fanfic! :-) I will *also* not really be addressing Nathan *too* much. He may pop up- but he's not living with them either. ALSO I am assuming the book "Cleanin' Out My Closet" is a load of crap since that's what the man himself said. So any information J.R. Watkins said about Kim or Em and their relationship does not apply here.
ONE MORE THING!!! This fiction is color coded for ease of reading since there are three main characters!! Anytime you see (------), it means time has passed. Here's the KEY:
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----------15
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++++++++Mmm- I *love* waking up like this. I open my eyes and know I'm gonna see my gorgeous, beautiful Kim. She's laying there in my t-shirt and I can make out her nipples through the shirt as it moves slightly as she breathes.
Damn. So much has happened in the past few months: Lily, the new baby, the pending adoption, changin' Hai's name back to Mathers, and now our engagement. It's like all this stuff happening at once a year ago would have caused another pill popping/wrist slashing battle.
It's what we do- or used to do. I only hope it's over now, but I think it is. I think we're ready for this- really and truly.
And we're gonna be a family again!
Her eyes flutter a bit and I smile and lean closer. I press my lips softly to her cheek. "Kim," I whisper, "come back to me."
*********
I can't help the smile that curves on my mouth, but I don't open my eyes. I just move a little closer to him and his hand slides around me and pulls my ass toward him.
I sigh. "I had the most amazing dream," I say as I bury my head in the crook of his neck and inhale. No other man ever smelled like Marshall. No one's skin ever felt as good against me.
People can think whatever they want about us. They can think we're ugly or horrible or terrible- but to us? It's just this.
"Tell me."
I slip an arm around his belly to hold him. "Well- I dreamt I got to make love to my fiancé."
"Oh yeah?" He asks.
"I even dreamt that you proposed. How crazy is that?"
"Kim?"
"Yeah?"
"*Please* tell me you're joking and that you-"
But I silence his mouth with lips as I move to straddle his hips. "Of course I remember, Silly," I tell him. "I love you, Marsh."
"Love you too, Baby." He sighs before saying, "so it appears like we're gettin' married again."
"Really?" I ask, sitting up on him to look down at my hand. "'Cause I don't see no ring on my finger. Do you?"
He smirks. "Oh, so the lady wants a ring, huh? Do *you* wanna pick it out or do you want *me* to?"
"I think you," I reply. I mean- I think he knows me well enough o know what I would like by now. And if he *doesn't* know me well enough for that- we shouldn't be getting married.
"'Kay. Do I gotta do the whole shield again? Or can I just give it to you?"
"What if you did it in front of Hai? Like at dinner one night or something? Surprise me?"
"Okay, I will."
"So- I guess we should get up and get ready for Lily."
"Well- it's still pretty early-" I groan as he slips his hands up under his shirt and heads for my-
"Okaaay," I groan and kiss him again.
~~~~~~~~
It's too early to be up. No humans should ever be up before nine on a weekend.
We're going to breakfast at 10:30, so- I glance over at Mary's bed and she's awake. "Morning!"
"Hey," I groan.
"You okay, Lil? You- wanna talk about-"
I don't even wanna *think* about it. But god- what if it was some huge ESP thing and after breakfast they'll-
"Lily?"
"Huh?"
"C'mon. I wanna help-"
"It was- so horrible," I sigh. God- I guess I *need* to talk about this with someone who doesn't know Mom- or me- or before-
"What was it?"
"I dreamt that they sat me down and told me they were choosing Hailie over me again- that she didn't want me around and-"
"Oh, Lily," she says before pulling me into a hug.
"How come no one ever chooses *me*?" And how am I supposed to do this without Mom?
"Oh, Sweetie, Hon. I don't think you should think about it that way. They didn't *pick* Hailie over you. They picked *you* over them*selves*."
I sigh and sob a little. I know that, in my heart, I think I know that. But with his career, and the baby and their relationship and their two kids- maybe they just won't have time for me.
Why did Mom have to *leave* me?
"They really don't seem the type to forget a child, ya know?"
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I ring the bell and Hailie throws the door open. "Hi!" She screams in excitement. "HI LILY!" She yells before her and Mary's sister run off squealing.
"Oh my god- are they *always* that way?" I ask.
"You should see those two with their friend Anna," Kim says, coming into the foyer.
"Oh my god! Anna is the *worst*!" Mary agrees.
"Is there-" I can't believe I'm even- but Mary had a point. "Can I talk to you two? In private?"
"Sure," she says as we walk into the kitchen. Marshall is jumping around the room with Whitney dancing.
"Sing for moment! Sing for the tears! Sing for-" he stops when they spin and end up facing us. "I'm number eleven in the country!"
I smile. Their babies are lucky to have parents who love them so much.
"Marsh, Lily wants a few minutes."
"Oh- you don't-" I start, but before I know it, Mary has taken Whitney and is heading back to where the girls are squealing.
"Can we-"
*********
She's making me nervous. *She* looks nervous and worried.
We sit at the table, Marsh and I on one side and her on the other. "What's wrong?" I ask because she looks- well, she looks like Marsh does when *he's* worried.
"I just- it's silly, but- I had a dream last night and I just- I'm like my mom-" she gasps. "I mean-"
"Lily, it's okay," I say. "We *know* she's- was your mom. It's- you can talk about her if you want. We- we're… *grateful* to her for keeping you safe and healthy."
"She just always said there's no use in beating around the bush or worrying about something when you can just ask, so-"
"What was your dream?" Marsh asks and under the table, our knuckles are white from holding each other so tightly.
"I dreamt that- you decided- that-" she chokes a bit before saying, "-you chose Hailie over me- that your lives were too complicated and didn't wanna see me anymore and I *know* it's stupid- but everyone in my life has left me and I just can't take rejection from *you* guys so-"
I smile. She's like Hailie: a rambler.
"Lily-" we both say at the same time to stop her.
"There is *no* way you can get us out of your life now." Marsh *does* have a way with words.
++++++++
I think that got the point across but just in case- "We'd have you moved in this afternoon if it's what you really wanted. We could no sooner pick Hailie over you than we could Hailie over the new baby."
Is it me or does she let out a huge sigh of relief? Her shoulders slump a little bit and she nods. "I knew it was stupid, but I-"
"Lily," Kim says. "We're sorry it feels like- like we didn't choose you or we rejected you but kept the others. It was just- different circumstances. But- we've-" she stops and stands up. "Come with me."
I let them go too. I *know* where Kim is takin' her and someone should stay down here for the girls and- the whole mother-daughter bonding thing has to happen. Especially since I bet it'll be harder for Kim to bond with her because she will never think of Kim as her mother.
For me, I guess it'll be easier 'cause she don't remember her dad.
~~~~~~~~
I take her hand and I follow her up the stairs and down this long hallway and she opens this door at the end of the hallway.
"Here- Marsh and I- when we first heard you'd made contact- we wanted to be ready, so-"
She turns the light on and holy shit.
"We may not have had much before the past couple years, but- we *always* had something for you. Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Valentine's Day, just because presents, first day of school…"
There must be *easily* fifty or sixty presents on the floor- all wrapped- some older looking that others- most small but-
"You've always been in our hearts- at the very core of our love for one another is the love that created *you*. You may have been an accident, Lily, but you were *nothing* if not a wonderful miracle. I only wish you didn't feel-"
"I try not to," I confess. "I try not to because then if I'm angry at you for giving me away, I would have never had my mom. We woulda never met and I can't imagine that and I don't wanna regret that- but- I guess it's the adopted kids' curse. Or maybe- since I didn't grow *up* knowing, that I process things different now. I don't know. I just-"
"Lily- there has" she takes my hands in hers "*always* been a place for you in our family and in our hearts- a part of us that has been empty since the day we walked out of that clinic."
Now we're both crying and I allow her to pull me into her arms and it's nice- motherly. I wish I knew what mom would say or do. Would she like them? Would she feel bad? Would she want me here? I pull away after a minute.
"Ya know, I never got to- I mean- Mom and I never got to really *talk* about anything. She was- barely breathing when she told me. She gave me a letter telling me and I had to go and ask her questions and she took the oxygen mask off and died after telling me she loved me."
"Oh, Rayne-"
Oh god. I sob and throw myself into her arms again and it feels nice to just- be held… by someone who loves me without pity.
*********
God. My heart aches for this child. *My* child.
I squeeze her tighter and she doesn't seem to mind. God- I could hold onto her and never let go.
I step away and she walks over to the dresser where we have the only four pictures we have of her and us: her baby picture from after she was born, a picture of her and Marsh, one of her and I and one of the three of us.
"I know you can't think about it now, but- you'll always have a place here. We know- *I* know I can't take your mother's place. I don't have the right to even *expect* or *hope* for it. I know I can't be your mothers; I gave up that right. I know you don't *need* a mother, but maybe… I could be your friend?"
"You're wrong," she says, turning toward me with tears streaming down her cheeks. "I *do* need a mother. I don't know what to do with boys or how to do my hair for prom. Hell- I haven't even gotten my *period* yet. I *do* need a mother… she's just dead."
OH god. Marsh and I *caused* her this pain. We *did* this to her.
"We wanna help you anyway we can, Lily. We always have. Marsh- me- we've both had a rough few years, but things are finally coming together- with you- the baby- and…"
"What?"
God- should I *tell* her?
"Marsh and I are gonna get married again."
"Oh god- that's-"
And this time? *This* time *she* hugs *me*.
"He proposed last night and I accepted. He- doesn't even have a ring yet. He wasn't planning on it- but… Hailie doesn't even know yet. You're the first person to know."
"Oh wow," she says. She seems surprised. "Congratulations! That's… really wonderful, for you."
++++++++
"Daddy? Where are Mommy and Lily? She *promised* we would play!"
"Hai, be patient, okay? Here- put the glasses on the table." She sighs and starts carrying the glasses into the dining room.
Ya know? In a way, I'm glad Lily came to find us *now* rather than before. She woulda been *ashamed* before. *I* woulda been ashamed to bring my oldest daughter to a shitty life. But in a way- I wish I *could* show her the shit that was our lives- when we was gettin' robbed every other week and we didn't have no new designer clothes or dishes that matched or a dishwasher or pool. Christ, we couldn't even afford a *bathing* suit for Hai.
God- I'd forgotten how fuckin' weak and worthless I t-how less than a man. I couldn't even take care of my family when I was bustin' my ass at two jobs.
All I ever wanted to give my family- my children- a good life. I didn't want no fuckin' fancy mansion or diamonds and I am so happy Kim and I made it past that shit. She's like- the *only* woman who looks at me and sees *me*. She's the only one I'll *let* see Marshall Mathers.
"Mr. Mathers?"
Oh yeah- I got company here and it's weird to be called *mister* Mathers.
"Yeah- sorry-"
"She's real scared," Mary says. "I've only known her for a week- but- beyond bein' sad- she's really scared."
"I know," I state. "So are we."
"Of what?"
"Of losin' her again."
"Lily!" Hailie says happily as they come downstairs. I catch Kim's eye and she winks at me. I trust it went well then.
"Whaaat?" Lily asks in a whiney/playful older sister tone.
"You gonna play dolls with me now?"
"We're gonna eat," Kim says, whisking Whit off the floor. "Because *I* am *hungry*- which means the baby's hungry."
"Does the baby eat a lot?" Hailie asks. She doesn't remember much from Kim's pregnancy with Whit, which is just as well since it wasn't the best of times.
"See, Hai," I say. "It's like this- your mother will eat and eat and eat for the next nine months and *say* it's because of the baby. But all the other times, it's just 'cause your mom's a piggy."
"HEY!" Kim scolds. "You better *watch* it, *Mister* Mathers."
"Or what?" I challenge but she just winks a bit sadistically and I stifle a groan. I'll prolly pay for that comment later.
I can't wait.
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~~~~~~~~"You should come with us," she says.
"Huh?" How did-*hat* the hell just happened?
"You should come with Whit and I. Marsh is takin' Hai to the studio and I was just gonna go shoppin'." She says it so nonchalantly as she carries the rest of the dishes into the kitchen.
I just stare after her. Did she just invite me to go- *shopping* with her? I glance at Mary and she shrugs. "You should go," she says.
"What?"
"Come on, Lil- she's your- I mean- you *want* to get to know her, right? You've got more questions or whatever-"
"Yeah, but- I just… feel bad. I didn't come thinkin' I'd-"
"Lily, it's okay. I get it."
"You just wanna get tickets to the concert," I say *just* as he comes in. Shit. I hope he didn't-
"For who?" He did.
"Huh?"
"Tickets for who?" He asks.
"Nothing," Mary says.
"For you," I state simply. Shit. Me and my big mouth.
"We tried to buy 'em, but they sold out so fast-" Mary adds.
"You should just come and-"
"My parents said if I bothered you about it, they wouldn't let me go."
He just laughs and he's my *dad*. It's weird. "You ever been?" He asks me and I shake my head. Hell- I barely knew who he *was* two months ago and now I- "Wanna go?" He asks casually.
"I-" shit. I have- I'm still tryin' to make sense of all this.
"Think about it," he shrugs. "No pressure."
No pressure. *Right*. I feel *no* pressure. None at all.
Mary just stares at me in disbelief. "Wh-" she's about to protest, but Kim comes back in.
"Lily- do you-"
"Yeah." WHAT? I didn't- did I?
"I'm leaving in a little bit," she smiles happily.
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*********"Kim?"
"Yeah?"
"How can you- I mean, it's none of my business, but-"
I look over at her as she sips her soda mid-sentence. "What? Ask me anything."
"How can you *be* with someone who- says what he does- about *you*?"
I sigh. This is… a conversation I'll have to have with Hailie one day, I'm sure. And the new baby.
"Remember when you called me? And you said you knew he wasn't that person?"
"Yeah?"
"Well- it's hard to remember at times. I mean- Marsh has *always* said things about his people, friends or whatever. Even when he was younger. He just got- no one noticed before he started gettin' cynical and mean. I just-"
"Don't give me that," she says. She's smart. "Don't give your prethought out answer, Kim. He calls you a slut and a bitch- *kills* you off, makes you sound like this horrible person. How can you love him? How can you look at me and tell me I was conceived in love?"
God, I didn't know it'd be this hard.
"Because when he's holding me or kissing me or whatever, I feel how much he loves me. The rest is what he *does*, not who he is. It's just- I often forget that part. I'll be honest, Lily. It's caused a *lot* of problems. We're jealous people and we throw it in each other's faces. But this time- it's… different. Like we've finally fallen in love as adults and not as love sick teenagers."
I sigh at the same time she does and we smile.
She's *really* good with Whitney. She's a natural with kids.
"So- are you *sure* we can't get you anything else? Are you *sure* you don't need anything else for school?" I keep asking her, but… I *know* she must need stuff, but won't ask for it. I explained in the car that we have all this money and Marsh loves spending it on the people he loves. I mean- he doesn't even think of it as his money, so… he wants to do something good with it.
"I've got it taken care of."
"Well- *please* don't hesitate to ask if-"
"I don't wanna take your money."
"I don't like takin' his money either, but- like I said… he insists I use it. I think…" I swallow and then look at her. "For a long time- he… I *know* he felt like a failure- I told him so too, Lily. He couldn't- we were bustin' our butts and barely affording groceries. There were so many nights we actually hada steal diapers for Hai. I think it's more a male thing with the money."
"What do you mean?"
"Well- *I* certainly didn't help from my end, but his mother also was constantly calling him a loser and whatnot. So I think now that he can provide for his family, he feels less of a failure. It makes him feel really good that he can give us a good life." I take a deep breath and then continue, "And to be honest? It would *really* feel good if we could do something good for you, instead of always causing you pain."
"I don't wanna- *owe* you a-"
"Lily- we don't want *anything* from you that you don't wanna give. But if there's something you need… let us… just you showing up, talking to us- coming over for dinner- it's meant *so* much to us… let us give that back a little."
~~~~~~~~
I sigh. I don't wanna ask Rob and Marce for the money for all the shit I'll need for school, but- lap top, PC, software, scanner, printer, digital camera, camcorder, graphing calculator, books, reference guides… it's gonna add up. And like she said- they've *got* money. *More* than enough money.
"I'm still not sure if I'll be at the Academy next year. It's pending how I finish the school year. But if I do go back… I need a *lot*. They're bit on technology and require you have a bunch of stuff for projects and stuff… I'd feel so bad asking Rob and Marcie for it. Bad enough I'll-"
"Consider it done. If you need it- *please* don't hesitate. We can put it on Marsh's credit cards- they get paid off every month, so-"
"How much does he *have*?" I ask. I'm just… curious.
"Seventy-five million?" She says. "Least that was the last figure we had. We're basically living off the interest from the money, really. It's… insane."
Yeah- all that stuff? Wouldn't even make a *dent* in his bank account. Still… "Maybe we could call it a loan… I'll pay it back when I start working. Would that be okay?"
"Sure," she smiles.
"Good."
Author: crazyevildru@yahoo.com
These stories are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious, and the authors mean no harm to EMINEM, his family, friends, or anyone else that may have been depicted as a 'real life' character. No money was made on the fiction here, either directly or indirectly, i.e. paid advertising. In other words - it's just a bunch of shit we wrote for fun. Please don't take it seriously.