shadyfiction.com - Orginal Writing, Lyrics by GeminiLove

Original Writing/ Lyrics

By GeminiLove

The End

That first year you were gone, I hated the nights
Sending the kids to bed saying, “it’ll be all right”
Wondering if I had made the right choice
Hanging up my phone, pissed off whenever I heard your voice
Maybe it’s cause I wasn’t a man
That I didn’t see that you had a game plan
A wifey at home to handle kids, bills and chores
So you could stay out late and go get yours
Never figured out why you would pick a fight
Storm out and not even come back all night
Leave me sitting with two babies to handle alone
Jumping with every single ring of that phone
Worried that this time it’d be a hospital calling
“There’s been an accident. Hurry, his heart rate is falling”
Till you rolled your ass in around three or four
Cause whoever she was didn’t want you no more.
Did you think I was stupid to get that damn lazy?
Oh what, so now your memory’s hazy?
Oh okay, well you know my memory’s fine
So you just listen while I remind
Phone calls that ended as soon as I walked in?
Letters that detailed hotel weekends
Hidden in books you thought I never read
Boy, just be glad I only got mad.
Cause truth is I was wishing you dead
Remembering every bullshit excuse that you said
You think I wasn’t torn up when I tossed your ass out?
Oh naw, my head and my heart were completely in doubt.
I looked at seven years I wasted of my life
And fuck if I didn’t want to pick up that knife
Bury it right in your lying, cheating fucking-ass chest
I’d prolly miss your heart though, cause my aim’s not the best
How do you stab something that doesn’t exist?
Oh well, maybe I’d show you my fist
Nah that won’t work, cause I was never a fighter
But don’t think you’re free, cause I’m damn sure a writer.
Oh baby, you’ll WISH you had just died
Cause in all of my stories, you’re crucified
It’s you, the asshole that makes my readers sick
When they see a character think with his dick
So now that we’re definitely through
Baby, I got a question for you
You know you hurt me with all of your lies
But how can you stand to look at our kids’ eyes?
When they tell everyone, “Daddy left us and Mommy. He went away.
But maybe if we’re good enough, he’ll come home some day.”
And not knowing if it’s worse to let them pretend
Or force them to see that our family really did end.
What do I tell them, when I find out you’re seeing someone new?
And now, that poor suckered-in chick is gonna have your baby too?
And you expect me to act like I’m happy and excited for you
Fuck you motherfucker! Man, I’m so glad that we’re through.
Cause you don’t even take care of the kids you had with me
And now you’re expecting Baby Number Three?
Selfish asshole, sticking that tiny prick that you got
Unwrapped in every chick you meet, I hope the fucker rots
Falls off and leaves you with nothing to find
Cause I know then you’ll really have lost your mind
You and I know it does all your thinking for you
So without it, tell me, what would you do?
What did I expect? You’re an irresponsible bastard
Digging yourself in your grave, just a little bit faster
You better pray to God I don’t tell my parents the facts
Cause last time I visited, Daddy was sharpening his axe.
And don’t think he won’t hesitate to use it on you.
Maybe even bring along a friend to help bury you.
Instead, I sit here and guard my own silence
Cause I know I can’t solve this heartache with violence.
Three years it’s been over, I’m getting back on track
And still you keep calling me, wanting me back
What? You think I’m terminally brain-dead?
Like I don’t know that right now, she’s sleeping in your bed?
You think you’re slick - a lil life-time player
But see, you created me - the true and forever slayer
Looking back on my life used to make me get sick
But I sit back, rewind, and learn all of your tricks.
Never again, will I be a fool for a man acting like you
Cause this time, I’m gonna make my own rules
My new man? I got his number, work, home and all
And damn straight, if I want to, I pick up the phone and I call
Shit… I even call him at his mother’s
And trust me, he never says that it bothers
Him in the least that I call all the time
Cause he knows I’m the best that he’ll ever find
He doesn’t cheat and he damn sure don’t lie
Cause I keep his ass too fucking tired to try
The shower, the kitchen, living room or his bed
I’m the only woman that’s in that man’s head
Finally I’m ready to move on with my life
Eventually marry this guy and be a loved wife
Yeah my heart was broken, but broken hearts mend
I got nothing left to say to you, except…. Oh yeah….. THE END!

Love

I turn down men and they call me a bitch
Makes me laugh and I think, “that’s fucking rich”
They’re the ones that created this version of me
Do they think this is the person I wanted to be?
Grew up with no love from my father
Always moving from one house to another
All these different men my mom dated
They all helped make me this jaded.
My first experience with sex was nearly getting raped at a party
Yeah I know, sad huh? It’s something I don’t mention much. See?
He said it was my fault and I believed. What did I know? I was fifteen.
Young, innocent, naïve - so much of the world I hadn’t yet seen.
Three years past before I finally told
And all of that time it ate up my soul
Lost all my friends, especially the guys
Cause I was too fucking scared to look in their eyes.
Tried once to tell my best friend
That day damn near spelled the end
She screamed in my face, called me a tease and a whore
Stormed out of a classroom, slamming the door
The rest of the year my life was a fucking hell
I spent every moment waiting for the final bell
So I could leave and stop feeling ashamed
Cause everyone wanted me to wear the blame.
You know what it’s like to walk in a room
And have everyone stop talking cause they’re talking about you?
To be the only one in school who still knows you got your virginity
And have the guys asking if you’d suck ‘em off for a twenty?
I wasn’t upset when I moved to a new city
I had a chance to recover, to create a new me
Went out, had fun, told my new friends I didn’t need a man
Cause a relationship didn’t fit into my plans
Then I met someone I thought I could love
Had my boss behind me giving me a shove
Saying I’ll never know if I never leap
My heart saying he can’t break promises I don’t ask him to keep
In the beginning he was so open, wanting to talk
Three hours, four, sometimes all night we’d talk and just walk
I opened my heart and laid that shit bare
Cause I thought I’d found someone to care
Seven years and two kids before I saw the truth
Found letters and pictures and had absolute proof
That he was just another cheat and a user
Man, I walked away feeling so much the loser
Is it any wonder my ego was bruised?
Every man I got close to just made me feel used
Not good enough to treat like a lady
Maybe that’s why I identify with my man Shady
Ain’t nothing as bad as getting hurt by the opposite sex
Tears up your heart and your head and it wrecks
You, drags you through the dirt, rots you from the inside
Leaves you with nowhere to crawl away and hide.
Took some time for myself, walked outta the game
My head held high, but cheeks burning with shame
Feeling foolish for wanting someone I could trust
Cause it seems like all men really want is a moment of lust
Then I met a guy who asked nothing of me
Except for a moment of my time, just to talk to me
After just a few minutes, I thought – “wow a nice guy”
“Yeah,” my heart said, “And pigs have started to fly.”
I decided this time to take this shit slow
Not jump into bed until I really did know
What it was that I was starting to feel
If it was just loneliness or God, could love really be real?
Five months of talks and dates to play cards
Each date my heart rebuilt a little from shards
Finally I decided to give this shit one more try
Took a deep breath, looked up at the sky
The words fell from my lips nearly as fast as my tears
And for once, my thoughts weren’t falling on deaf ears
“Come see me,’ he said. “I love you. I want you in my arms.”
I thought I was crazy for falling for his charms.
But I also knew I’d regret it if I never did know
So I made plans to get on the plane and go.
By the time I arrived, my hands were shaking,
Palms sweaty and knees were quaking.
I saw him standing there waiting with a smile
That alone made the trip worth every mile
His arms came around me, he whispered in my ear
“Baby, I missed you. I’m so glad that you’re here.”
As soon as we touched, the electricity sparked
And we rushed hand in hand to where the cabs were all parked
We cuddled in the backseat, I don’t remember the ride
Even the hotel’s a blur as he ushered me inside.
We got in the room and I dropped my coat
I saw him swallow hard from the lump in his throat
He slid those big hands around my waist
Leaned in closer and I got my first taste
Of his mouth – tobacco and mint
Oh god! The airfare was worth every cent.
As he unbuttoned my shirt, his hands sorta shook
So I tilted my head up and took a good look
Everything he was feeling was there for me to see
His eyes, so incredibly blue, bored into me
Love, need, lust, trust and desire
I felt like my whole body was on fire
I backed us both across the room to the bed
Fell backwards with my arms stretched up over my head
His warm palm slid up under my skirt to my thigh
All the air left my chest in a long, drawn out sigh
It didn’t take long for our clothes to end up on the floor
And still my body was screaming for more
I tugged hard on his shirt, wanting bare skin
Damn, feels so good I wanna think it’s a sin
How’d he learn to do that thing with his lips?
Grabbed his shoulders, wrapped my legs around his hips
My eyes locked with his as he slid into me
Oh my god this is where I was dying to be

Stranger

What did you expect me to say?
When you showed up outta the blue one day.
Who the fuck do you think you are?
A celebrity? Some fucking rock star?
You walked away from the kid that you made
Treated my mom like some bitch to get played
Come back after 28 fucking years
Crying big ass crocodile tears
About how you regret the years that you missed
And I'm *not* supposed to be pissed?
What the fuck? Where the hell were you
Back when I was little and I thought I needed you?
When kids teased me cause I didn't have a dad
No, I'm not upset, I'm furious! God damn right I'm mad!
Look at my face - it ain't no real surprise.
I got your looks, but these are my momma's eyes.
Even your own mom saw the truth when we met when I was five
Why couldn't you own up to me sooner - like when your dad was still alive?
You stole half my family from me and I never got a chance
To know them or you when you walked out without a backwards glance.

You pussed out of everything in my life that meant something to me
My graduation, my wedding, your grandsons - Don't you see?
If you're a father, you're a father for that child's every breath
From the day that they're born until the day of your death.
It's not like you get to be a father whenever you choose
It's that selfish attitude that made you lose
Out on any chance we might have had
To build a relationship - for you to BE my dad
It's too late now for us - too many hurtful things said and done
Cause you were too busy looking out for Number One.

Don't worry, Dad, I'll be all right.
I stopped hurting and crying about this at night
Back when I was eighteen and finally got to spend time with you
Cause that's when I realized you didn't have a clue
About the young woman I was growing up to be.
Don't worry Dad, I release you - you're free
No need to be feel responsible for me anymore
There's the door - I know you can find it - you found it before.
I'm better now, my heart's not in danger
Cause how can it hurt to not be loved by a stranger?

Mommy

Look at me, Mommy, your baby girl's all grown
Living in this world with kids of her own
Both reaping the wild oats our babies' fathers had sown
When they walked out and left us the most precious things they've never known
Sometimes, Mommy, in so many ways
I wish we could go back to simpler days
To you teaching me songs, taking me to plays
Begging me to stop feeding the neighborhood strays

I know though, Mommy, I ain't fooling anyone
Those days are over - they set with the sun
Now we've both got whole new races to run
Challenges to meet, battles to be won

Growing up, Mommy, you always seemed so mad
Blowing off all the childish questions I had
I wondered why you were always so tired and sad
Why I was the only one of my friends minus a dad?

Mommy, I swore then I'd never make your mistakes
Never compromise my beliefs, work as hard as it takes
Keep my heart guarded from all the little boy fakes
And never have to deal with the same damn heartbreaks

Oh Mommy, life dealt me a hell of a surprise
Cause one morning my mirror showed me the same eyes
That I looked up at all of our lives
Weary, heartsick and torn up from lies

Mommy, I just wanted to make you proud of me
Back when I thought I could be anything I wanted to be
I'm nothing like what I thought I would be
But I do have pride in the woman I see

Mommy you raised me to be proud and strong
To be honest, truthful, to know right and wrong
To not get afraid when days and nights get too long
With an intellect quick enough to write this damn song

Mommy, I wrote this cause I'm proud of you too
Going back to college had to be so hard to do
And now I can say it's absolutely 100% true
The best parts of me came from the best parts of you.