Track 6 - Say Goodbye Hollywood
[Sayin goodbye, I'm sayin
goodbye to Hollywoo dx6]
Marshall walked solemnly,
staring at the room full of people he knew; some he respected, some he’d been
burned by, and some he had done all he could to keep them from coming to this
private event.
[I thought I had it all figured out, I did
I thought I was tough enough to stick it out with Kim
But I wasn't tough enough to juggle two things at once
I found myself layin on my knees in cuffs
which shoulda been a reason enough, for me to get my
stuff
and just leave - how come I couldn't see this shit myself?]
In the brief moments of the short walk, he reflected on how far his career
had brought him. Few would argue that he
hadn’t been one of the most influential artists of his time. Even his critics had bowed their heads in
respect as the newscaster had reported an end to twenty-five years of
delivering music, rhymes, and truth to the world.
Today was different, today was finalizing his decision.
[It's just me, nobody couldn't see the shit I felt
Knowin damn well she wasn't gonna be there when I
fell
to catch me, the minute shit was heated, she just bailed
I'm standin here swingin
like thirty people by myself]
It had been lonely in the spotlight, and twice as lonely now.
He smiled at her, just as she gave him a sad, little girl smile as their
hands parted ways.
[I couldn't even see the millimeter when it fell
Turned around saw Gary stashin the heater in his belt
Saw the bouncers rush him and beat him to the ground
I just sold two million records, I don't need to go to jail
I'm not about to lose my freedom over no female
I need to slow down, try to get my feet on solid ground, so for now I'm..]
He’d known that this day would come, had dreaded it like any other man in
his place would have. But having it
finally appear caused his stomach to do terrible things; he was nervous in one
moment where the spotlight wasn’t on him.
[I bury my face in comic books, cause I don't want to look
at nothin, this world's too much, I've swallowed all
I could
If I could swallow a bottle of Tylenol I would]
He remembered reading to his daughter, watching her eyes light up in
excitement or when they blinked back the tears he knew were going to fall. Marshall
closed his eyes as the memories overwhelmed him; all the times he’d shared with
his beautiful daughter.
And he opened them wide as with the memories came a
dull ache—an ache for all the memories he’d missed because of the demands of
his career.
[And end it for good, just say goodbye to Hollywood
I probably should, these problems are pilin all at
once
Cause everything that bothers me, I got it bottled up
I think I'm bottomin out, but I'm not about to give
up
I gotta get up, thank God, I got a little girl]
He’d tried. It wasn’t that he didn’t
do well—any daughter would have loved to have him for a father, regardless of
his stage name or the enormity of his bank account. He was there for her during the times the
counted the most. The times like when
her first boyfriend had shown up—he’d interrogated him, after the boy got over
being star-struck. He’d even made sure
that at school, Hailie’s last name was changed so
that her life could be a little more normal, a little less crazy than his.
[And I'm a responsible father, so not a lot of good
I'd be to my daughter, layin in the bottom of the mud
Must be in my blood cause I don't know how I do it
All I know is I don't want to follow in the footsteps
of my dad, cause I hate him so bad
The worst fear that I had was growin up to be like
his fuckin ass
Man if you could understand why I am the way that I am
What do I say to my fans when I tell 'em I'm..]
The most powerful memory was when he had his face in his hands, and Hailie
had come up to him, telling him how much she loved him, how wonderful he was,
and how she hoped he’d always be there for her.
She’d even made him promise to always love her.
As if he would have done anything else.
For eternity and beyond, he’d said.
[I don't wanna quit, but shit, I feel like this
is it
for me to have this much appeal like this is sick
This is not a game, this fame, in real life this is sick
Publicity stunt my ass, conceal my fuckin dick
Fuck the guns, I'm done, I'll never look at gats
If I scrap, I'll scrap like I ain't never whupped
some ass
I love my fans, but no one ever puts a grasp
on the fact I've sacrificed everything I have
I never dreamt I'd get to the level that I'm at
This is wack, this is more than I ever coulda asked]
But things weren’t always so rosy, he remembered bitterly. The first time he’d taken Hailie out in
public without the uses of disguises or a mob of security, left a harsh
impression of society in his mind.
People who were fans, and who weren’t, had flocked to them—had
questioned him, hurled insults at him, but worst was that they’d even pointed
some of their comments to Hailie, who was the innocent one.
That wasn’t the first time he’d questioned his fame. Whether it was worth having.
[Everywhere I go, a hat, a sweater hood or mask
What about math, how come I wasn't ever good at that?
It's like the boy in the bubble, who never could adapt
I'm trapped, if I could go back, I never woulda
rapped
I sold my soul to the devil I'll never get it back
I just wanna leave this game with level head intact
Imagine goin from bein a no
one to seein
everything blow up and all you did was just grow up emceein
It's fuckin crazy, cause all I wanted was to give
Hailie
the life I never had, instead I forced us to live alienated
So I'm sayin..]
“Who gives this woman away?”
“I do,” Marshall replied quietly. “I love you, baby.”
[Goodbye
Goodbye Hollywood
(Goodbye)
Please don't cry for me (It's been real)
When I'm gone for good (This shit is not for me)]
“I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride,” the priest
looked at Hailie and the man beside her.
Marshall forced himself to look
away at their bliss, and his impending loneliness.
[So goodbye
Goodbye Hollywood
(I'm not a fuckin star)
Please don't cry for me (No way)
When I'm gone for good (I'm goin back home]
Just as he had left what had taken him away from the one love in his life,
that love had been taken away from.
He knew that his daughter still loved him, would call him and visit, but it
wasn’t the same. She was grown, as was
he, but now she would start her own career and family, while he had finished
both.
Despite his millions, he was alone.
That loneliness was a slow killer; it would manifest in his heart, take over
his body, and swell into his soul.
Marshall rose and left the
church to watch the newlyweds drive off into the sunset.
And then he would go home. Alone.
Chapter 7
Author: zines@aol.com
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friends, or anyone else that may have been depicted as a 'real life'
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bunch of shit we wrote for fun. Please don't take it seriously.