ShadyStories: A Caught fic by Catalina
Author's Note: Hey guys! I took a small break from White Room for a little while (writer's block
). I know a long time ago someone proposed a challenge to write a fic where Eminem, after reading the shadyfiction article in XXL magazine, goes online, busts us all and sees all the shit we write about him. Well, this is my version of it which... it really isn't Caught because well, you'll see! And I made up a similar yet different website for the story called '"Shady Stories" in order to protect the innocent... and the not-so innocent
! Enjoy! and I'll start on White Room soon since this fic is already done!
P.S. There are alot of screennames in this fan fic and most of the girls refer to themselves by their real names which are different from their screennames... In case you get a little lost with the names, here's a quick reference tool...Loribeth-- Loribeth
Shadyblue —Jane
UK_Shadyfan -- Mary
Clementine -- Clementine
SexyKitty69 -- Diana
DamnedDarling -- Morgan
CrazyRhymes -- Carrie
KansasAngel -- Dorothy
DomenicaCapo-- Domenica
Anti-Barbie -- Bess
Detroit_Baby -- Quinn
Kim_Impossible- Kim
-----//SHADY STORIES—LIVE CHAT ROOM
Note from the Administrator and Creator: Hey, everybody! This is Loribeth, administrator extraordinaire of Shady Stories—the #1 source for the best Eminem fics. Basically, I started this live chat feature so that all of the shady stories members have a chance to either give live feedback on the fanfics featured on this website or have a place where we can all chill out. All members are invited to join us, so be nice and enjoy!
-----//
[Loribeth has entered the chatroom]
Loribeth: Hey, anyone here? Or am I gonna have to talk to myself again…
Loribeth: Okay……..
[Shadyblue has entered the chatroom]
Shadyblue: LOL! Am I late?
Loribeth: nope, just in time. How are u, Jane?
Shadyblue: eh, so-so. My kids are driving me crazy!They’re so loud. I shouldn’t have had four.
Loribeth: yeah, kids are tough. How old are they again?
Shadyblue: 4, 6, 7, and 9… all boys…
[UK_Shadyfan enters]
UK_Shadyfan: LOL! Jane, the baby-making machine!
Shadyblue: Oh, its Mary! How are ya, girl?
UK_Shadyfan: Pretty well. My brother won his rugby match so he’s boasting about it to my face.
Loribeth: Nice
UK_Shadyfan: Silly bloke. What’s the latest Eminem news?
Loribeth: I dunno. I haven’t had the chance to research yet.
Shadyblue: I heard that he’s going back out with Kim.
UK_Shadyfan: God forbid.
Loribeth: Probably a rumor. But I’d check just in case.
Shadyblue: I’ll look it up in Google. Brb!
[Shadyblue has left the chatroom]
UK_Shadyfan: Don’t take long!
[Clementine has entered the chatroom]
Clementine: Hey!
Loribeth: Hey, just in time. How are ya?
Clementine: OK
Clementine: I’m havin trouble w/ chapter 13 of Love You Forever. I think I’m having some writer’s block.
UK_Shadyfan: Oh, no! I love that fic. U have to update it!
Clementine: It’s not that easy.Lisa and Marshall’s romantic scenes sound so cheesy to me. I gotta fix them.
Loribeth: I disagree. It’s very good.One of my favorites.
Clementine: Thanks, Loribeth.
UK_Shadyfan: Clem, what exactly do u need help on?
Clementine: EVERYTHING! I need some great event where Marshall and Lisa can hook up again…
UK_Shadyfan: Wait? They’re getting back together?
[SexyKitty69 enters]
Clementine: Shit! Did I just give the ending away? Forget I said that!!
SexyKitty69: Too late, Clem. The damage has been done.
Clementine: Goddammit
SexyKitty69: Oh, my darling, Oh, my darling, Oh, my darling, Clementine!
Clementine: Bite me, Diana
SexyKitty69: Where and how hard?
SexyKitty69: Hey, Mary. How’s my fellow Beckham fan?
UK_Shadyfan: Still obsessed and luvin it! Beckham and Marshall rule!
Clementine: Beckham blows.
UK_Shadyfan: In your dreams, Clem
SexyKitty69: She’s just saying that just to make us (me) mad, right Clem?
Clementine:
Clementine: I love you, Diana.
SexyKitty69: I love you too, Clem
Loribeth: tsk, tsk, u guys!
[DamnedDarling has entered the chatroom]
DamnedDarling: Hey, Diana. Glad I caught you! I wanted to compliment you on Sweet Dreams. The best fic I’ve ever read!
SexyKitty69: Why thank u, Morgan!
SexyKitty69: Speaking of which, you need to update Another World. I’m still dying to know what happened with Missy at the party.
SexyKitty69: She needs to talk to Marshall!
SexyKitty69: She has to tell him how she feels about him!
UK_Shadyfan: She has to tell him before Dan fires her from Shady Records. Morgan, hurry! I can’t wait any longer for an update. It’s been two months.
DamnedDarling: Ok, Ok, be patient. I’ve been really busy. School’s been really tough.
Clementine: Damn, I’m so glad I’m finished with high school. Sry, Morgan.
DamnedDarling: eh…
[CrazyRhymes has entered the chatroom]
CrazyRhymes: Hey, everybody, my b-day is today!
Loribeth: Happy b-day, Carrie!
Clementine:
DamnedDarling: Congrats, how old are you?
SexyKitty69: Happy b-day, Carrie..
CrazyRhymes: 18!!! I’m legal baby!
UK_Shadyfan: HOORAY!!
Clementine: yay! Now you can buy cigarettes…
CrazyRhymes: ewww
UK_Shadyfan: or u can buy a lottery ticket
DamnedDarling: Or vote… oh, it’s a little late, the monkey is still in office.I hate Bush!
Clementine: God, please don’t remind me!
SexyKitty69: or you can buy porn
CrazyRhymes: Thank you, Loribeth, Clementine, Diana, Mary, and Morgan.
CrazyRhymes: Is Jane around?
Loribeth: She’s doin some research on our favorite guy
CrazyRhymes: Nice!
[KansasAngel has entered the chatroom]
KansasAngel: Hey, yall. What’s up?
DamnedDarling: hey, Dorothy!
UK_Shadyfan: Dorothy!
CrazyRhymes: its Dorothy!
Loribeth: Dorothy, where have u been? U’ve been MIA for a month!
KansasAngel: I’ve been finishing up my first fic.
Clementine: yay! Share it with us.
KansasAngel: I dunno. I don’t think it’s any good. I’ll post it up on the msg board tomorrow.
KansasAngel: I’m so nervous.
UK_Shadyfan: Don’t be. I’m sure it’s gonna be great.
DamnedDarling: I agree
Loribeth: Don’t be scared, Dorothy.
Clementine: Plz, Dor, ur gonna blow us all out of the water. what’s it called?
KansasAngel: Underneath Your Clothes
SexyKitty69: oooo, sounds sexy! I want to get underneath Marshall’s clothes.
KansasAngel: It’s a song fic. The song is by Shakira.
DamnedDarling: I love song fics! I can’t wait
CrazyRhymes: pls, it sounds so awesome.
KansasAngel: thanks, Morgan and Carrie (BTW, happy b-day)
KansasAngel: it’s just that everyone in the shady stories forum is so talented.
UK_Shadyfan: don’t fret. It sounds like its gonna rock.
Loribeth: everyone is talented. This is why I’m so proud of this website. You ladies always brighten up my day with ur entertaining stories.
Clementine: aww..thanks, Loribeth
DamnedDarling: I’m getting all teary-eyed!I luv you Loribeth.
UK_Shadyfan: We love ya too.
KansasAngel:hugs!
CrazyRhymes: Loribeth, the best administrator in the world!
CrazyRhymes: BTW, when are you gonna post that exclusive interview from Eminem?
Loribeth: When Diana updates New York Night!
Clementine: yah, I concur!
DamnedDarling: good point, loribeth! When are u gonna update that?
SexyKitty69: right now, darlings!
SexyKitty69: Umm… where did I leave off?
UK_Shadyfan: I think Sonia and Marshall were passionately kissing
CrazyRhymes: and both are naked on her bed
SexyKitty69: right!
SexyKitty69: Sonia’s skin filled with goosebumps as Marshall’s hand slowly carressed her trembling thigh. Beads of sweat gently trickled down her forehead in anticipation of the pleasure she was about to experience.
SexyKitty69: Sonia breathlessly gasped, "Marshall, I want you to fuck me like you've never fucked anyone before,"
SexyKitty69: He merely smiled at her desperate plea as he slowly opened her legs and pushed two fingers into Sonia's creamy aching pussy. She grabbed a fistful of sheet as she let out a throaty moan. Her body tingled when Marshall took out his fingers and replaced it with a wet tongue that sucked the juice off of her hot dripping walls.
SexyKitty69: "God, Sonia, your walls are so fucking tight. I wanna cum inside you!" Marshall whispered as he fiendishly placed his erect dick close to the soft bright pink lips of her vagina. The heat sensation coming from Sonia's hot pussy almost made him come right away.
SexyKitty69: "Oh, God, Marshall, I'm begging you! I want you inside me! I want you inside me right now!"
Fullfilling Sonia's screams, he slipped his throbbing cock into her eagerly wet pussy gently brushing her swollen clit.
SexyKitty69: At first, Marshall pressed himself agonizingly slow so as to preserve the mind-blowing sensation of his dick being inside Sonia's tight opening.
"You're so wet and tight! I can't do this anymore... I'm gonna cum!" he groaned.
SexyKitty69: "Then go faster. Empty yourself in me. Please cum inside me!" she breathlessly answered. Their hips started rocking faster. Sonia's nails started to dig deeper into Marshall's back, but the pain only hastened the pace. Every muscle in their bodies started to writhe and contract as their love-making quickened....
[DomenicaCapo has entered the chatroom]
SexyKitty69: quickened....
SexyKitty69: and quickened....
SexyKitty69: until…
DomenicaCapo: hello!
SexyKitty69: dammit, Domenica! You ruined the fuckin mood!!!
DomenicaCapo: what? What did I do?
Clementine: Diana! Don’t yell at her! It’s not her fault.
Clementine: Don’t worry, Domenica, you didn’t do anything wrong.
DamnedDarling: Well, go on, Diana! Go on!
SexyKitty69: eh, it’s all fucked up!
DomenicaCapo: I am sorry.
SexyKitty69: its ok
DomenicaCapo: Yes.
Loribeth: So whats up, Domenica?
DomenicaCapo: I don’t know.
CrazyRhymes: Oh, poor Domenica. I don’t think u understand.
Loribeth: oh, sometimes I forget that English is Domenica’s second language.
Loribeth: “Whats up?” is another way of sayin “how are you?”
DomenicaCapo: Oh, I understand. I am good.
DamnedDarling: Italy must be really nice this time of year.
DomenicaCapo: It is pretty because it is summer and it is hot. I like it too because the school is ended and there is no work.
UK_Shadyfan: Good, good! I’m going to Italy during the summer holidays. Maybe I’ll see ya there. Where do u live?
DomenicaCapo: I live in Roma.
UK_Shadyfan: cool,
DomenicaCapo: yes, this will be fun!
DomenicaCapo: I am writing Eminem fic for the forum and I need someone to check my English because it is sometimes not correct.
Clementine: Need a beta reader? I’m the queen of beta reading!
CrazyRhymes: I can help 2
CrazyRhymes: and if you need a collab partner, holla at me!
DomenicaCapo: Holla? What is holla?
CrazyRhymes:
DomenicaCapo: Ok, thank you, Carrie, grazie!
[Anti-Barbie has entered the chatroom]
CrazyRhymes: welcome, Domenica!
CrazyRhymes: I mean, no problem
Anti-Barbie: My life is a never-ending black hole of putrid hell…
Clementine: well, if it isn’t Bess?
Loribeth: How r u? Not so good?
DamnedDarling: From the sound of it, Bess has some problems.
KansasAngel: Bess, honey, whats the matter?
Anti-Barbie: The dark moon won’t set on the clandestine horizon…
SexyKitty69: sounds like u need to get laid…
Anti-Barbie: fuck you, Diana…
SexyKitty69: j/k, Bess, besides I’m ready being fucked
SexyKitty69: nah, really baby, whats wrong?
Anti-Barbie: Tom broke up with me…
UK_Shadyfan: aww… I’m sorry
KansasAngel:
Clementine: guys are such jerks! It’ll be okay.
Anti-Barbie: He said he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend…
Anti-Barbie: I heard they’re going out again… I dunno, I’ve been crying for the last 18 hrs.
SexyKitty69: ah, Bess, guys are only good for one thing!
DomenicaCapo: what?
SexyKitty69: they’re only good for killing spiders and for having something to stick in your gunny hole!
KansasAngel: what’s a gunny hole?
DamnedDarling: eww..
UK_Shadyfan: what do you think a gunny hole is, Dorothy?
CrazyRhymes: Diana, you crazy!
CrazyRhymes: but seriously, honey, it’ll be okay, you’ll get over him!
Anti-Barbie: I don’t think so. He was the love of my life. And he replaced me, just like that. With no warning…
Clementine: That’s terrible! We’re here for u, Bess. We love you.
DomenicaCapo: Gli uomini sono maiali that means “Men are pigs” in Italian!
Anti-Barbie: He just started to act really distant and ignore me. Then, whenever he was upset, he would start yelling at me for trying to cheer him up. He would spend more time with his ex-girlfriend than me. And then he gave me a note saying that he wanted to break up with me. Then, my world fell apart….
SexyKitty69: God, what a fucking asshole!
DamnedDarling: Relationships suck! Bess, that guy is a fuckin idiot for doing that.
Anti-Barbie: Thanks, Morgan.
Loribeth: Bess, it’s gonna be okay, seriously. Maybe it’s better to let him go because a guy that treats you like that is not worth keeping.
Anti-Barbie: I feel like I gave 150 % into this relationship and he still got bored with me & left me.
Anti-Barbie: I feel like such a failure.
Loribeth: U are not a failure, Bess. He is the failure. If you feel like ur giving 150% to a relationship and you feel like ur doing all the work then its not worth it. He’s not worth it! Save it for someone who will love u back. And don’t take all of the psychological abuse! Ur so much better than that!
CrazyRhymes: Damn, Loribeth. Thats beautiful.
Clementine: Yeah, Bess, listen to Loribeth! You will find a great guy someday that will treat you like a queen.
UK_Shadyfan: Amen, Loribeth.
Anti-Barbie: Thank u, Carrie, Clementine, and Mary. Loribeth, that was the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me. Thank u so much for the great advice. I love you, Loribeth.
Loribeth:
Anti-Barbie: It did.
[Detroit_Baby has entered the chatroom]
Loribeth: I’m glad, now dry those tears!
Detroit_Baby: HOOOOOLYYYY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!
Detroit_Baby: Fuck!
Detroit_Baby: Fuck!
Detroit_Baby: Fuck!
Clementine: Quinn?
KansasAngel: Hi, Quinn, it’s nice to talk to you too.
Detroit_Baby: Fuck!
Detroit_Baby: Fuck!
Detroit_Baby: BTW, happy b-day, Carrie!
Detroit_Baby: Fuck!
CrazyRhymes: Damn, Quinn. Wuz up?
UK_Shadyfan: Quinn, pls tell us!
DamnedDarling: uh, Quinn. Stop cursing and tell us whats up
Detroit_Baby: Shit, I need to catch my breath.
Loribeth: Just relax and tell us.
Detroit_Baby: something exciting!
DomenicaCapo: What is exciting?
SexyKitty69: Yeah, I’m dying to know. Did u have the best orgasm of your life?
Detroit_Baby: NO! Better than that!
SexyKitty69: What could be better than an orgasm?
Clementine: Yah, I’m really interested
Detroit_Baby: OK, you know that my uncle lives only 10 miles from Marshall’s house.
DamnedDarling: Holy shit! U had an Em sighting!
KansasAngel: Really? That must have been so cool.
UK_Shadyfan: I’m so envious
Detroit_Baby: Not exactly
Loribeth: Let her finish! What is it, Quinn?
Detroit_Baby: Ok, so my uncle was invited to a party of this guy that is the CEO of some tire company. I dunno, I forgot. Anyways, this guy lives right in Em’s neighborhood.
Clementine: shit!
Detroit_Baby: So, my uncle decides to take my family to the party and so me and my brother decide to sneak off from the party and wander around the neighborhood.
Detroit_Baby: We asked around for Em’s house and we found it and it’s really obvious ‘cause it’s huge and gated. We also found out that Marshall is on vacation with his family so his house was empty.
Loribeth: Woah. Who told you that?
Detroit_Baby: I dunno. Some neighbor. Anyways, when we got there (it’s a really nice house), the guards were on their lunch break or something because the little guard post beyond the wall was empty. But the gates were still closed.
Detroit_Baby: So, he has this intercom system by his gate with lots of little buttons. If you pressed the red button, its like a doorbell and you can talk to the person inside the house through the intercom. But, if you wanted to open the gate, it asks you for a password of 7 numbers.
Detroit_Baby: So, thankfully, my brother, who carries his laptop around everywhere he goes, bought this program that if you hook it up right, can figure out passwords. So, we carefully hooked up the computer to the security system, and the program figured out the entry password that opens the gates to Eminem’s house.
Loribeth: HOLY FUCK! You didn’t!
Detroit_Baby: We so did!
DamnedDarling: Oh. My. God.
CrazyRhymes: Shit, that is fuckin bananas, Quinn.
Detroit_Baby: Yeah, I posted in on my latest Xanga entry.
Detroit_Baby: Shit, I’m so light-headed!
[Kim_Impossible has entered the chatroom]
KansasAngel: Wow. Thats really exciting, Quinn.
Clementine: Thats crazy! Thats fuckin mindblowing!
Kim_Impossible: Hi, I’m new here. My name is Kim. I’m from Texas and I’m 16 yrs. old
SexyKitty69: ooo, Quinn, next time, u should go to his house and steal his bedsheets and roll around in them and shudder at his manly smell. God, I’m horny.
Loribeth: Ah, no! Thats breaking and entering! Quinn, WTF? What the hell were u thinking?
Anti-Barbie: She wasnt thinking. But if I had the opportunity to find the password to open the gate of my favorite rapper’s house, I’d do it in a heartbeat! Go Quinn!
DamnedDarling: Yeah, really, Quinn, that must be a dream come true.
Loribeth: Are u all insane? Doesn’t anyone respect this guy’s privacy? If u really loved Eminem, u would at least be respectful enough not to tread on his private property!
Clementine: Loribeth!
Detroit_Baby: I didn’t tread on any property!! I never went in his house. I didn’t even step on his lawn. I just figured out the password to open his gate, that’s all!! Don't yell at me like that!!
Loribeth: Thats still a fucking violation of so many laws and if he ever found out, he would put u away for a long fucking time!
SexyKitty69: Chill. Loribeth, she didn’t really do anything wrong.
CrazyRhymes: Yeah, girl. Really relax!
Kim_Impossible: um… hello? Is anyone gonna respond to me?
Detroit_Baby: Loribeth, I really didn’t mean anything by it! I’m not going into his house to steal anything or roll around in his bedsheets like Diana suggested. I just wanted to know his password!!!
Loribeth: what for?
Detroit_Baby: I don’t know!!! It was just exciting to be so close to his house!!!
UK_Shadyfan: Loribeth, she didn’t really mean to disrespect Eminem
KansasAngel: Yeah, I’m sure Quinn is not some homicidal lunatic Stan!
Kim_Impossible: Hello? Is anyone gonna answer me?
KansasAngel: Hey, darling, sry about the delay! We’re going through a dilemma. My name is Dorothy, I’m 23, I’m from Kansas and I just married my college sweetheart last month.
UK_Shadyfan: The name’s Mary and I live in London. I’m 16 and I love football.
UK_Shadyfan: I’m Sporty Spice with Ginger Spice’s hair!
DamnedDarling:
Kim_Impossible: That’s an Eminem song, right?
DamnedDarling: Congrats, you know your Em lyrics!
DamnedDarling: blah…
Clementine: As you can see by my screenname, my name is Clementine, I’m 28 and a normal unassuming bank teller in New Orleans, Louisiana by day until I can get to the nearest phone booth and turn into super shady fiction story writer and save the day
SexyKitty69: Oh, my darling, Oh, my darling, Oh, my daaaaarling
Clementine: grrr…
SexyKitty69: Yeah, Clem’s the eccentric one… I’m the sexy one…
Anti-Barbie: or the slutty one!
SexyKitty69: Hey! Sexy does not equal slutty! Just because I’m more in touch with my sexual energies does not mean that I fuck 24/7!
SexyKitty69: Maybe 20/5…
SexyKitty69: and I enjoy sex better than 95% of this puritan nation we call America.
SexyKitty69: and despite what Bess says, I have not fucked half of Manhattan!
SexyKitty69: I’m a psychic! I know exactly what Bess is gonna fucking say!
Anti-Barbie: You flatter me, Di!
Anti-Barbie: I’m Bess, I’m 19, and all alone in this dreadful world full of lies and hate. My boyfriend broke up with me today.
Kim_Impossible: I know I read about it. I’m really sorry.
Anti-Barbie: It’s okay. I live in Texas too, in Lubbock. I’m a university student at Texas Tech, originally from Roswell, NM. Where are u from, Kim?
Kim_Impossible: …Houston…
Anti-Barbie: nice area but Texas is such a dichotomy, isn’t? It’s got green grass and blue seas, but bubbling beneath the surface there is dark black oil, which can kill the abundant life at the surface
Clementine: Okay, Bess! Zip it, we don’t want to scare our newbie away!
Anti-Barbie: Don’t be a bitch, Clementine!
Loribeth: Guys, no flaming here! I have a strict rule about this.
Anti-Barbie: sry
Clementine: Likewise
DomenicaCapo: Hello, Kim, my name is Domenica Capo, I’m 14 and I’m from Roma, Italia. English is my second language and I’m still learning so it might not be good
Kim_Impossible: Nice to meet you, Domenica.
CrazyRhymes: I’m Carrie representin the south side of Chi-town and today im legal, baby! Das right, today im 18!
Kim_Impossible: There’s really not that much to tell. My name is Kim, I’m 16, I’m from Houston, Texas and I love Eminem! I’m the biggest Eminem fan in the world! He’s so hot and so talented too!
Detroit_Baby: Ha! That’s laughable!
Detroit_Baby: The name's Quinn, representing the D, the 313, Em’s hometown! Well, actually I’m more 810 (but it’s still technically in the Detroit area). I’m 17 and now official stalker of Marshall Mathers, isn’t that right Loribeth or are you still mad that I hacked into Marshall’s security system?
Loribeth:
Detroit_Baby: I didn’t publish those codes! I’m not gonna do anything with them! The last thing I would do is harm Marshall.
Kim_Impossible: Shit, that’s horrible!
Detroit_Baby: Oh, God! Not you too, Kim! Don’t take Loribeth’s side…
Loribeth: She’s not taking any sides. She’s just mature enough to know that what you did was not only despicable but also illegal!
Detroit_Baby: Ok, whatever
Kim_Impossible: So, Loribeth, you’re the administrator of this website?
Loribeth: Yeah, I started this website three years ago after I realized that I had a passion for writing fan fictions, specifically stories about my favorite artist Eminem.
DamnedDarling: Speaking of which, I've never read any of these fan fictions that YOU, Loribeth, have allegedly written. When are u ever gonna post them online?
Loribeth:I've already told u a million times, Morgan, they're not very good! Now I've been dedicating my time to reading fan fics instead of writing them!
Loribeth:Anyways, I found other people like Diana and Clementine who shared the same passion as me and we started a collection that has grown to about 150 fan fics from 63 authors. The message board has 224 members total and on a daily basis, the shady stories index gets an average of 1,500 hits daily.
Kim_Impossible: Wow
Loribeth: Yeah, it has always been the highlight of my day to read these stories. These ladies are just wonderful.
KansasAngel: umm.. guys, I hate to interrupt this warm moment, but we got some problems in the message forum
CrazyRhymes: Are you talking about that weird Marshall_Mathers poster that keeps posting in the message board?
KansasAngel: Bingo.
DamnedDarling: Yeah, I’ve been reading his crazy posts.
Anti-Barbie: Who is that guy?
SexyKitty69: Eh… probably some nut with too much time on his hands
Loribeth: What the hell are you guys talking about?
Clementine: There’s this guy called Marshall_Mathers who claims he is the real Marshall Mathers and he has been posting all of this shit on the message boards. I’ve tried erasing his posts, but he keeps on posting more of his shit.
KansasAngel: Please ban him, Loribeth!
CrazyRhymes: He’s really annoying!
Loribeth: guys, Diana’s right! It’s probably some 13 year old loser kid with no life messing around on our website!
UK_Shadyfan: He’s cluttering the message board forum. Thanks to his posts, Holding on to A Dream has disappeared from the first page of the message board.
Loribeth: Look, guys, I’ll ban him in due time. I just think we can have some fun with him for a second. I sent him an email inviting him to the chat board so that he can explain himself…
Clementine: LOL!
Anti-Barbie: Fucking moron, we need to take him down, ladies…
Detroit_Baby: He’ll probably buckle under the pressure anyway!
UK_Shadyfan: It’s gonna be pathetic!
DomenicaCapo: I’ll cuss him out in Italian, he won’t know what I say!
DamnedDarling: We can all roast him!
SexyKitty69: And don’t worry, we’ll be gentle
CrazyRhymes: LOL! Diana!
[Marshall_Mathers has entered the chatroom]
Anti-Barbie: Why look, guys, it’s our new friend!
CrazyRhymes: sup, Marshall? Hows hailie?
Marshall_Mathers: Shut the fuck up! You bitches are fucking messed up!
KansasAngel: Careful with what you say, honey.
Marshall_Mathers: Fuck you!
DamnedDarling: Temper, temper, Mr. Mathers! My, that prozac is not working, isn’t?
UK_Shadyfan: Aww, don’t patronize poor Marshy! He’s very sensitive!
SexyKitty69: What’s the matter? Are you on the rag? I suggest Midol for those cramps!
KansasAngel: LOL!
Marshall_Mathers: WTF? For fans, you guys are fucking rude!
DomenicaCapo: Li amiamo, Eminem!!!
Marshall_Mathers: shit, you bitches are such fuckin sluts, I’m getting all of ur fuckin STDs from just chatting!
Anti-Barbie: don’t cry, I’m sure someone will start to believe ur little charade!
CrazyRhymes: Poor little boy! Are u so afraid of talking to real-life women that u’ve taken to cussin out people over the internet. Wanna know sumthin punk? no one really cares!
SexyKitty69: Maybe he’s some pathetic 40 year old man who gets off this kind of stuff. Better wash your hands when you type, you wouldn’t want a gooey keyboard!
Marshall_Mathers: Blow me
SexyKitty69: My pleasure,
Marshall_Mathers: Fuck you, Slut!
Loribeth: okay, okay, Marshall_Mathers, play nice! You’re in the presence of ladies!
Marshall_Mathers:ladies, my fucking ass!
Loribeth: KansasAngel already explained to you about flaming, Marshall! Do you want me to ban you before you can tell us your side of the story?
Marshall_Mathers: Oh, so you’re Loribeth! The fucking sicko pervert behind this creepy stalkerish website!
Loribeth: Yeah I am! Who the fuck are you?
Marshall_Mathers: Haven’t you been paying attention? I’m your fuckin muse!
Anti-Barbie: Yeah, Loribeth! Don’t be rude to your favorite rapper! This is Eminem you’re talking to!
Detroit_Baby: So ur Eminem?
KansasAngel: Are u really Eminem?
DamnedDarling: Of course he is, Dorothy!
Marshall_Mathers: You bitches really don’t believe that I’m actually Eminem…
Clementine: To put it simply… no!
CrazyRhymes: Hell fuckin no!
DamnedDarling: Nah
UK_Shadyfan: Unless I see some proof, no!
KansasAngel: I don’t know you guys! Maybe we should give him the benefit of the doubt. I mean, shady stories.com was featured on XXL magazine. Isn’t there a slight chance that he could be Eminem?
DomenicaCapo: Dorothy may be right. Fan fiction and Eminem is very popular.
Anti-Barbie: Oh, please, Dorothy and Domenica, do you actually think that Eminem would come to shady stories.com, read our fan fiction stories, sign up for the message boards, and talk to us? He has better things to do!
SexyKitty69: Like I’ve already said, I bet this is just a moron little kid messing around… or some horny 40 year old guy!
KansasAngel: What do think Loribeth? Isn’t it possible?
Loribeth: Possibly but unlikely. I agree with Diana. Nice try, Marshall_Mathers, but ur not convincing!
Marshall_Mathers: You should listen to Dorothy because she hit the nail in the fucking head. I read that little article about Loribeth’s website! I couldn’t fucking believe it so I thought I’d check out this disturbing piece of shit for myself. You people make me fucking sick!
Loribeth: In all honesty, Marshall, I thought you’d be flattered! I would if people decided to write stories about me…
Marshall_Mathers: Well, I think it’s fucking disgusting so I’m here to warn you to stop putting out this shit before I shut this website down.
Clementine: You’re gonna shut us down?
CrazyRhymes: You cant do that! There’s a little known amendment protecting our free speech rights, ya know?
DamnedDarling: Stop acting like a republican!
Detroit_Baby: Yeah, Marshall, why are u being such an asshole hypocrite? We have just as much right to write our fan fiction stories as you have the right to say what u want in ur music!
Marshall_Mathers: Oh, and aren’t you Quinn, the little bitch that was sneaking around my house hacking into my security system and getting the password to open up my main gate?
Detroit_Baby: Congrats, kid, you can read… now you have something to brag about to ur buddies in elementary school!
Marshall_Mathers: u know u bitches think u cant get caught, but I have ways to get ahold of you. Quinn, watch out cuz i'm about to send your ugly ass to jail for trespassing on my property. I’m also powerful enough to shut down this website and make it like it never existed.
DomenicaCapo: No!
KansasAngel: Loribeth, do something!
Loribeth: Relax, guys! This person can’t do anything to us! This little asshole isn’t even the real Eminem! Why are you worrying?
Marshall_Mathers: I’m warning u!!!
Kim_Impossible: IMO, Loribeth, it couldnt possibly be the real Marshall Mathers! Isn’t there someway we can prove it?
UK_Shadyfan: We could ask him some questions and see if he answers them correctly. We probably know Eminem more than he knows himself!
DamnedDarling: Good idea, Mary. But couldn’t he quickly google the correct answers?
Detroit_Baby: Good point, Morgan! Maybe we should give him a 3 sec. time limit, if he doesn’t answer the question in less than 3 seconds, he’s out!
Loribeth: Great, we’ll do that… someone start….
Clementine: So Marshall, I heard some rumors that you were dating Jessica Alba… Any truth to those rumors??
SexyKitty69: LOL, Clem, you sound like a tabloid! But yeah, whose pussy are you currently eating?
Loribeth: Clem, Diana, that’s not a question with an answer that we know!
Clementine: shh.. Loribeth! I know what I’m doing!
Marshall_Mathers: Do you really wanna know who I’m fucking?
SexyKitty69: Fuck yeah, and don’t say "us" because then you’ll just be trying to wheedle out of answering the question…
Marshall_Mathers: ok, are you ready for this bombshell? You guys are gonna get the exclusive from Marshall himself….
Marshall_Mathers: Lindsay Lohan
DamnedDarling: no way!
KansasAngel: ewww…
SexyKitty69:
Marshall_Mathers: Lets just say that now that she is a blonde, the carpets don’t necessarily match the drapes!
Anti-Barbie: ugh.. Why her? Stupid ugly little anorexic bimbo!
UK_Shadyfan: How did that come about?
Marshall_Mathers: Well, it was the night of the MTV Movie Awards and after the show, she approached me and gushed about how hot and talented I was and how she was flattered by my “triumph” impression or whatever. So we talked for a little while and I thought she was only gonna give me a kiss when instead she gave me a whole lot more… in my hotel room. And so now she’s my occasional fuck partner.
Detroit_Baby: You know that’s sick.
CrazyRhymes: ick, gross
Marshall_Mathers: she’s 18, the same age as you, CrazyRhymes, am I right? And don’t you dream about you & me together? I mean you did write that very pornographic story about me falling in love with an 18 year old black girl from the south side of Chicago suspiciously also named Carrie!
CrazyRhymes: Fantasy is not the same as reality!
Loribeth: Reality? Why are you guys treating this like it’s reality? This guy is obviously pulling our leg!
Marshall_Mathers: Why u still doubting? I answered ur question!
SexyKitty69: That wasnt a real question that could be tested out! We were just fucking with you, kid.
[Shadyblue has entered the chatroom]
Clementine: Actually, Diane, yes it can be tested out! You see, our good friend Jane is now back with the latest scoop on Mr. Mathers’ love life. Take it away Jane!
Shadyblue: Well, I found from my source at shady photos.com, a recent picture taken of Eminem looking very cozy with ex-wife Kim at a Detroit night spot. Here’s the link: http://www.shadyphotos.com/empic/recent/0045.html
CrazyRhymes: Yep, that looks like Marshall and Kim!
KansasAngel: They’re back together!
DamnedDarling: So the rumors are true!
Anti-Barbie: What?! No way!
Loribeth: What the FUCK?!!
Kim_Impossible: Holy motherfucker!! How did they take that photo?
Shadyblue: The people at shady photos.com have their ways. So did I miss anything important?
UK_Shadyfan: LOL! Yes, and that’s the understatement of the century! Read the transcript, Jane & you’ll see our dilemma.
Clementine: That picture is clear evidence that Marshall Mathers is back with his ex-wife and not with Lindsay Lohan. Therefore our little faux Eminem here told us a fake Lindsay Lohan story when Marshall’s real fucking partner is Kim Mathers. Point one for Clementine!
Loribeth: Marshall and Kim are NOT back together!
Kim_Impossible: I agree with Loribeth!
Marshall_Mathers: That’s not Kim. Kim dyed her hair brown two months ago. The girl in the picture is blond.
Kim_Impossible: How do you know that?
Marshall_Mathers: Because I’ve seen her recently! Jesus Christ, she’s still Hailie’s mother. In fact, if you look a little closer at the picture, it looks like Lindsay Lohan.
Clementine: No, it doesn’t!
Detroit_Baby: Actually, Clem, now that I’m getting a second look at it, that does look like Lindsay Lohan!
UK_Shadyfan: Yeah, I recognize the nose and the shape of her face.
KansasAngel: I see it! I see it! That is so Lindsay!
CrazyRhymes: When I look at her from the right, she looks like Kim, but when I look at her from the left, she looks like Lindsay!
SexyKitty69:
Clementine: Why is everyone acting like it’s the truth? (Diana shame on you, I expected more from cynical you!) He’s obviously lying about Kim dying her hair brown. And anyone can clearly see that that’s Kim in the pic and not Lindsay!
Shadyblue: You know, I though this picture looked a little shady. Here I’ll go check with shady photos.com and ask them how they feel about it. Lindsay and Em, what a fucking scandal! Brb!
[Shadyblue has left the chatroom]
Marshall_Mathers: Well, Clementine?
Clementine: Touché, Marshall_Mathers, touché… It still doesn’t prove anything, ya know.
Marshall_Mathers: I’ll accept any other fucking challenges you can throw at me.
UK_Shadyfan: Okay, I got one! What color are your eyes?
Marshall_Mathers: blue
CrazyRhymes: That was easy, Mary!
UK_Shadyfan: I know, but in the Michigan Offender Tracking Information System available online, what color does it say your eyes are?
Marshall_Mathers: hazel. The police never asked me the night I got arrested. They just looked at my eyes and sometimes from a distance, my eyes look hazel. But my eyes are really blue!
UK_Shadyfan: very good, I’m impressed.
Clementine: oh, brother!
KansasAngel:ok, here's one: what exactly is the relationship between you and Alaina?
Marshall_Mathers: Alaina is my 11 year old niece who is the daughter of Kim’s twin sister Dawn. Lainie also has a twin brother named Adam who is mentally handicapped and lives currently with Dawn. Kim and I adopted Alaina because Dawn couldn’t take care of her anymore.
Detroit_Baby: Well, it’s clear that this guy is an Eminem fan cuz he certainly knows his trivia.
Anti-Barbie: Your favorite soft drink?
Marshall_Mathers: Dr. Pepper
Anti-Barbie: Ah-ha!
Marshall_Mathers: But I told the media I liked Mountain Dew before I had an accidental Mountain Dew overdose and well, it wasn’t a pretty picture! Now I can’t stand the taste of it. I’ve moved to Dr. Pepper.
Anti-Barbie: ok, well, can’t really argue with that…
CrazyRhymes: When Dre first met you, you were wearing an outfit of a certain color & he compared you to a certain fruit…
Marshall_Mathers: I think I was wearing a really cheap yellow tracksuit and he said that I looked like a banana
CrazyRhymes:
DomenicaCapo: When Eminem rapped concert in Rome last year, there was something that happened that was crazy. What was it?
Marshall_Mathers: Let’s see, Rome… Rome…. Last year? Oh, wait, wasn’t there a girl who got passed all of the security and climbed on the set while we were doing the concert?
DomenicaCapo:
Detroit_Baby: Don’t get too excited, Domenica, like I said before, this kid might turn out to be just some crazy fan… now Marshall_Mathers, tell us your exact birthdate and remember the three second rule!
Marshall_Mathers: Oct. 17, 1972
Marshall_Mathers: in Kansas City, Missouri
Marshall_Mathers: anything else?
DamnedDarling: I got one, what nickname did Kim use to call Eminem?
DamnedDarling: tick tock tick tock…time’s up!
Marshall_Mathers: I don’t want to tell you that! Why would I tell some airhead little bitch over the internet my personal shit with Kim?
DamnedDarling: Excuses, Excuses! BTW, the answer was ratboy!
Marshall_Mathers: Kim never called me ratboy! I think that was some bullshit from my relatives!
UK_Shadyfan: You know, he may have a point, Morgan. That info was from a tabloid report which isn’t the most truthful source. It's possible that that was just a rumor.
DamnedDarling: Ok, I’ll give u that one
CrazyRhymes: favorite superhero?
Marshall_Mathers: Spider-man. I have a life-sized statue of him in my basement.
CrazyRhymes: damn. You must be some crazy Em super fan ‘cause u seem to know a lot of crazy shit bout him.
Marshall_Mathers: that’s cuz I am Eminem. Haven’t I already proven myself?
Loribeth: Not necessarily. I know that ur not Eminem…
Marshall_Mathers: how do u know??
Loribeth: I just know. Besides, u havent proven anything. The only thing you’ve proven is u know alot of rare Em facts.
KansasAngel: I got something. Tell us the name of your pet.
Marshall_Mathers: Its more of Hailie’s pet, it’s a cat named Tigger. But we’re lookin to buy another kitten.
Clementine: Here’s something really obscure. Eminem’s mother and father were in a band together when they were younger. Tell us the name of it. Remember the 3 second rule.
Marshall_Mathers: I think the name of it was Daddy Warbucks, I remember my mom telling me about how they used to tour around South Dakota and Montana playing at Ramada Inns.
Clementine: He got it right.
Marshall_Mathers: I’m Eminem, goddammit! I don’t have to prove shit anymore to u sluts!
UK_Shadyfan: The name of Em’s body-double decoy, Partial Mathers? Three second rule.
Marshall_Mathers: Joe
UK_Shadyfan: Correct. This is kinda creepy. I always thought I was a super-fan but I don’t the answers to half of these questions.
DamnedDarling: Ditto. The questions that I asked I got from the Internet. This guy can answer them in less than 3 seconds.
KansasAngel: me too.
Anti-Barbie: me three. I dunno. Not that I actually believe that this guy is Eminem, but he can answer really obscure questions about him really quickly.
CrazyRhymes: Maybe this dude knows him.
Detroit_Baby: Why would someone who knows him go online to a shady fan fiction chat room as him and threaten us?
KansasAngel: Do u think Em hired this guy to threaten us?
Clementine: I don’t think so. To do that, he would have gotten his lawyer to fax Loribeth a cease and desist form.
Loribeth: I can’t believe u guys are talking as if this guy is actually Eminem or that Eminem actually hired some guy to threaten to shut us down. First of all, I haven’t received any form from any lawyer. He can’t shut us down! We’re not doing any harm and we’re not using his name to sell anything. All we’re doing is writing stories and sharing them on the internet. They have absolutely no grounds to do shit! Besides, I would think Eminem would like the idea of people writing stories about him. Free publicity! So, mister whoever you are, in a few minutes you will be banned from the chat room and the message board.
SexyKitty69: Wait! Loribeth before u do that, lemme ask him this crazy question that only Eminem would know (unless Em likes to fuck & brag)
SexyKitty69: I once dated a guy that was a gynecologist here in New York City. He’s a famous OB-GYN who has looked at many famous people’s vaginas like Sarah Jessica Parker and Mariah Carey. Now, Em dated Mariah Carey, right?
Marshall_Mathers: yeah
SexyKitty69: and in dated, that means that there was some fucking involved, right?
Marshall_Mathers: yeah
SexyKitty69: So my question is this: Mariah has a noticeable feature in a private area of her body. What is it?
SexyKitty69: And no, darling, you can’t find this information on the internet
Marshall_Mathers: hmmm… Are u talking about the tattoo above her pussy of a happy face that says at the bottom “Have a nice day!”
SexyKitty69: …Holy fuck, that’s correct. This fucking bastard is Eminem!! Only he could know that!
KansasAngel: OMG! You’re Eminem!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
DomenicaCapo: Hello Eminem!!!! I love you, you are my favorite rapper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CrazyRhymes: Wow… I gotta say that made a believer out of me. Umm.. hi, Marshall.
DamnedDarling: Hold up, guys! Diana, you said that only Eminem could know this unless Em was the type of guy who likes to fuck and brag. So what if he did?
SexyKitty69: Did what?
DamnedDarling: Fuck and brag. Maybe he told someone about the tattoo. Whatchu think Loribeth?
Loribeth: I don’t know what to say. How the fuck did he know that?
Marshall_Mathers: Because I am Eminem!!
Loribeth: No, you’re not, motherfucker. And you’re two seconds away from ban land.
KansasAngel: Don’t ban him, Loribeth, this could be Eminem!
Clementine: Or more likely a slimy creepy friend who likes to impersonate Eminem online for kicks!! I agree with Loribeth, we should ban his sorry ass.
DomenicaCapo: NO!!!
Marshall_Mathers: Do that and I’ll get the courts involved.
Loribeth: Motherfuckin asshole! you’re not Em. YOU CANT DO SHIT!!
CrazyRhymes: Alright, lets take a little opinion poll about this situation. I’ll start. I think this guy may very well be Eminem or at least a very good friend and we should let him stay in the chatroom so that we can milk as much info from him as possible. Dorothy?
KansasAngel: I agree with you, Carrie. I’m sweating over here from excitement. I have so many questions to ask him!!! Bess?
Anti-Barbie:There’s still not enough evidence to prove that this guy is Eminem. Probably a good friend just fucking with us. We should stay and grill him some more. And its not really plausible that this guy was hired by Em to threaten us. Morgan?
DamnedDarling: I don’t know if this guy is Em.
Clementine: I agree with Bess although I don’t think that this guy is some slimy little 13 year old kid or a pathetic 40 year old guy in his mom’s basement. This guy gets his info from somewhere. Mary?
UK_Shadyfan: I’m sorry but I think I’m convinced. This guy has to be Eminem. And if he’s not, then oh well. Life’s too short to worry about the facts. Let me just then pretend he’s Eminem. It’ll make my life more exciting. Diana?
SexyKitty69: I’m still amazed he knew that. This guy has won over my New York distrusting personality. Girls, I think we’re talking to Eminem. Domenica?
DomenicaCapo: It is Eminem!
Kim_Impossible: This can’t be Eminem. But it worries me how much information he knows. He should be found and punished IMO.
Loribeth: This isn’t Eminem!
Detroit_Baby: Well, I really don’t think Em is a computer type of guy. Remember that Grandmaster Flex show when Em was havin trouble turning on the gadgets in his car. He just doesn’t seem like a gadget type of guy. So, I don’t think this can be Eminem… unless….
Clementine: Unless what?
Detroit_Baby: Okay, when me & my bro hacked into Em’s security system, I saw that it had an intercom system which can be opened only from the inside. Those security systems can only be opened from the inside so friends and relatives can only get inside if they talk to the security guards or if Eminem himself lets ‘em in. The security code is a 7 digit code that only the people living in the house know since friends can be let in by the guards, Em probably doesn’t tell them the hard to remember code. So Marshall_Mathers if you tell me the 7 digit security code, you will prove to me (hell, you'll prove to all of us!) that you are the real Eminem.
Marshall_Mathers: What?! I’m not telling you my fucking security code!!
Detroit_Baby: Why? Maybe because you don’t know it?
Marshall_Mathers: NO! Because that is fucking private!! If I reveal it in a chat room, who knows who can get a hold of it and break into my house. You bitches are experts at invading privacy!!
Detroit_Baby: It’s completely changeable, you can change the code easily
Marshall_Mathers: No, goddammit! This is fucking stupid!! I should just sue all of your asses, it’ll be goddamn easier!
Detroit_Baby: Okay, if you do this... if you tell us that code and prove yourself to us that you are really Eminem. We will all leave the website, stop posting Eminem fan fiction, and leave you alone…
Marshall_Mathers: honestly?
Loribeth: No!! Quinn don’t say that!! No, we will not shut down the website!! And he’s not gonna prove shit because this clown is not Eminem!!!
Detroit_Baby: Loribeth, this is the only way we can prove that this is not Eminem. Trust me on this!
Marshall_Mathers: So if I tell you my security code, you will all leave the website, stop posting shit on the internet, which will make Loribeth shut down the website?
Loribeth: Fuck no! I do not agree to anything!!
Marshall_Mathers: It’s not for you to agree. It’s for your little friends to agree. If I tell you my code, all of yall have to swear to leave shady stories.com and stop writing fan fiction about me. If you don’t, all of yall will get stuck with a huge lawsuit.
KansasAngel: I swear.
CrazyRhymes: me too.
DamnedDarling: I swear also.
UK_Shadyfan: We all swear.
Clementine: Oh, brother!
Anti-Barbie: I agree with Clem
SexyKitty69: I’ll stop writing. But its not fair, Marshall. Shady stories is my fucking life! Please don’t do this to me!! To us!!!
Kim_Impossible: I will also leave. But I don’t think this guy is Eminem. I know this is not Eminem!!!
Marshall_Mathers: okay. I’ll tell you the damn code.
Detroit_Baby: alright. First, let me e-mail the code to some people so that people don’t think that I’m lying about the code.
Detroit_Baby: okay. Loribeth, Morgan, Diana, and Clem, check your e-mails, I’ve sent you the code.
Marshall_Mathers: You know that I’m gonna change the security code when I come back to from the Bahamas, right?
Clementine: got it!
SexyKitty69: there it is!
DamnedDarling: I got it too.
Loribeth: me too. But wait, how the fuck do u know that Eminem is in the Bahamas right now?
Marshall_Mathers: cuz I’m Eminem bitch!
Loribeth: No, you’re not!!! I fucking know you’re not!!
Marshall_Mathers: Well, get ready to shut down the site Loribeth…
Marshall_Mathers: The code is 9583674
Detroit_Baby: FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
Detroit_Baby: FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
KansasAngel: what’s the matter?
DamnedDarling:
Clementine: That’s impossible. There must be some mistake. It can’t be Marshall. It can’t be Eminem!!!
SexyKitty69: Yeah, he got it right. It is him!! Holy shit!! This proves it!!
UK_Shadyfan: Really? OMG! It’s Eminem!! It’s Eminem!!
CrazyRhymes: Yeah!! Hell fuckin Yeah!! Hey, Eminem!!
KansasAngel: OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!
Anti-Barbie: Holy shit! This is fuckin unreal!
Kim_Impossible: It’s not Eminem. It can’t be!
Clementine: Why not?
Kim_Impossible: It just can’t be! Loribeth, say something!!!!
Loribeth: I don’t really know what to say. I don’t know who the fuck this is! But you’re gonna pay motherfucker!!
Marshall_Mathers: For what?
Loribeth: for taking advantage of your intimacy with Eminem to impersonate him on the internet and give out personal information about him! For threatening to shut down our website and sue us even though what we’re doing is legal according to the First Amendment! For trying to fool my friends into thinking u are their idol when in reality, ur just some sad pathetic bum with no fucking life! I will find you and take you down, little boy!!! Go blow yourself, fucker!!!
Marshall_Mathers: Hey Loribeth, what the fuck happened to the “no flaming” rule?!
Loribeth: It’s been revoked—all fucking thanks to you cocksucker!!!
Marshall_Mathers: Okay, bitches, I’ve told you my security code. Now I’m tellin you to cease and desist with this shit factory.
Loribeth: No!! Don’t!! Guys don’t leave!! This guy is lying to you!! Don’t please!!!
Marshall_Mathers: Leave right now and I won’t mention your names in court!!
Detroit_Baby: You can’t do this to us! I refuse to leave!! Besides you don’t know our names.
Marshall_Mathers: No, but in the info files of your member profiles, you guys did put your Xanga addresses where most of you reveal your full names and home cities!
Anti-Barbie: Shit!
DamnedDarling: No!! WTF!!!
Clementine: You don’t have a case. What we’re doing is NOT illegal!!
CrazyRhymes: Please, ok, we’ll leave! We’ll leave!!
Loribeth: No, Carrie, don’t leave! Please!
CrazyRhymes: But my mom’s gonna kill me!!
SexyKitty69: Look motherfucker, you’re gonna lose a really valuable fan if you do this shit. I’ve listen to your music for six fucking years!! I will never buy another album from you again and I will convince my friends to do the same. I’m just that powerful!
Marshall_Mathers: You really think I give a fuck?
Loribeth: No, Diana!! Please don’t stop listening to Eminem because that fucking bastard is NOT Eminem!! He would never diss his own fans.
Marshall_Mathers: Loribeth, u gonna be the 1st name on that fucking lawsuit!
UK_Shadyfan: Wow. Thank God I live in England and you can’t prosecute me! So I can keep hanging out in the message boards and chat room. Don’t worry, Loribeth! I’ll stay with u.
DomenicaCapo: Me too. I live in Italy. And you Eminem are a bad man! Bad man! I’m not number 1 fan anymore!!
KansasAngel: I think I better go. I really don’t want to get involved with this thing.
Anti-Barbie: I’m going too.
Clementine: ditto. I thought meeting Eminem would be exciting!!! But this is getting scarier and scarier.
Loribeth: No, you guys! Please don’t leave!! This guy is not gonna do shit!! I’m gonna ban this bastard right now!!
KansasAngel: That’s not gonna stop the lawsuit!!
Loribeth: There’s not gonna be any fuckin lawsuit!! This fucker is fuckin lying!!!
Marshall_Mathers: Don’t ban me, Loribeth! Or I’ll tell them your little secret!!
Loribeth: What secret?
Marshall_Mathers: Oh you know perfectly well, what I’m talking about… Loribeth…
Loribeth: I have no fuckin idea what you’re talking about but u’re not gonna be talking anymore. I’m BANNING YOU!!
Marshall_Mathers: You’re a sicko, Loribeth! A fuckin sicko! Don’t your little friends know???
Loribeth: I’M BANNING YOU, FUCKING FUCKER COCKSUCKER!!
Marshall_Mathers: Don’t they know that----
[Marshall_Mathers has been banned]
Loribeth: Problem solved! He won’t be bothering us again!
Clementine: umm… Loribeth, what was he talking about?
Loribeth: What do you mean?
Anti-Barbie: Marshall_Mathers said you had some secret.
CrazyRhymes: He got me all curious. What is it?
Loribeth: It’s nothing. The guy is obviously some sicko psycho moron trying to freak us all out.
DamnedDarling: But then what was he talking about?
Loribeth: There is no secret. He’s just some idiot fucking with us.
KansasAngel: But, Loribeth, what are we gonna do about the lawsuit??
Loribeth: There is no lawsuit, Dorothy!! The guy was a fucking fake!!
Detroit_Baby: How do u know???
Loribeth: I just know!! okay, trust me!! Do you really think Eminem spends his time surfing the web, reading fan fictions about himself and threatening the writers to cease and desist (something he can’t legally do anyway!) Please guys don’t go!! For the love of God, keep writing and keep on with your life!
SexyKitty69: Okay, Loribeth, but if I get a subpoena in the mail, I’m blaming you!
Loribeth: Okay.
Anti-Barbie: Look, Loribeth. I’m gonna go, okay. Don't worry, I'm not leaving the website. I'll probably be back tomorrow! I got a Wildlife Conservation lecture to listen to tomorrow. Plus, maybe Tom might call me again!
DamnedDarling: Bess, he left you for his ex-girlfriend! Try to forget about him! You’re so much better off without him. I gotta go too! I’ve already spent way too much time in this chat room. I really need to get back to my AP Biology studying. Bye!
[DamnedDarling has left the chatroom]
[Anti-Barbie has left the chatroom]
KansasAngel: Bye guys! I better go too. My life as a blushing newlywed is waiting!
[KansasAngel has left the chatroom]
DomenicaCapo: It’s late! I need to go too. Bye everyone!! Ciao!!
CrazyRhymes: Bye Dorothy! Bye Domenica!
[DomenicaCapo has left the chatroom]
CrazyRhymes: I’m gonna go. My best girlfriends are calling me! Seems like I got a birthday surprise.
Clementine: Bye, Carrie! Happy birthday again!
[CrazyRhymes has left the chatroom]
Clementine: Well, this little adventure to freaky town has been fun, but I gotta split alright!! See ya!! I’ll be back tomorrow.
[Clementine has left the chatroom]
SexyKitty69: Look, Loribeth, not that I’m afraid of Eminem, but I did get a little nervous. I don’t know whether to believe that he’s Eminem or not.
Loribeth: Trust me. It’s not.
SexyKitty69: You keep saying that like you know. Oh, well. It’s been a long fucking night! I think I’m gonna go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow!
UK_Shadyfan: Bye, Diana! Finish New York Night!!!
SexyKitty69: I will, soon.
UK_Shadyfan: David Beckham forever!!!
[SexyKitty69 has left the chatroom]
UK_Shadyfan: Alright, I need to go. My brother wants to use the computer. I’ll be back tomorrow, Loribeth. Ttyl.
Loribeth: Bye, Mary!!
[UK_Shadyfan has left the chatroom]
Detroit_Baby: You know, Loribeth, I’m very much convinced that this guy was the real Marshall Mathers.
Loribeth: It’s not, okay. Trust me!
Detroit_Baby: I wish I could. But the evidence was pretty convincing. How else would he know Em’s security codes?
Loribeth: Wait… Didn’t you say that you posted the security codes on your Xanga?
Detroit_Baby: Yeah, I did, but I posted it in a hidden section where no one has access to it but me.
Loribeth: Well, don’t you think that whoever that guy was could’ve hacked into the private part of ur Xanga?
Detroit_Baby: Unlikely. It’s really hard to do that. Why would he even waste his time?
Loribeth: To freak us out cuz he’s an asshole!
Detroit_Baby: I guess it’s a possibility. I hope ur right, Loribeth, I really don’t want to go to jail!
Loribeth: We have a right to be running this website!
Detroit_Baby: I meant the trespassing part. He knows that I hacked into Eminem’s security system! Eminem may not have the grounds to prosecute you for the website but he has every right to prosecute me for invasion of privacy.
Loribeth: Don’t worry, Quinn. He’s not gonna do anything.
Detroit_Baby:
Loribeth: Why are you apologizing to me?
Detroit_Baby: I have to apologize to someone. I can’t apologize to Eminem so I’ll apologize to you.
Loribeth: It’s okay. I’m sure everything is gonna turn out alright.
Detroit_Baby: I hope so. I’ll come back tomorrow and we’ll pretend this never happened.
Loribeth: okay. Ttyl.
Detroit_Baby: bye!
[Detroit_Baby has left the chatroom]
Loribeth: God, I really hope they come back and weren’t scared off by that guy, whoever he was…
Loribeth: Kim? Are we alone?
Kim_Impossible: Yep, it’s just you and me…
Loribeth: Good… We really are alone, right?
Kim_Impossible: Yeah, look at the little chat members box, it’s only got our names on it…
Loribeth: Okay. I’m just a little paranoid. After that freaky guy came on and started talking shit.
Kim_Impossible: I know!
Loribeth: soooooo, Kim, how do you like the website? Have you read all of the stories??
Kim_Impossible: Marshall Bruce Mathers III, I think you are the most perverted sick guy in the world.
Loribeth: Why?
Kim_Impossible: That’s so… voyeuristic!!! You made a website featuring fan fictions written about YOU!!
Loribeth: I didn’t write those fan fictions!! They wrote them! I just collect them and read them…. And I also pretend I’m a woman crazy about Eminem and offer some harmless girl advice. It’s a small price to pay.
Kim_Impossible: Goddammit, Marshall…
Loribeth: I mean, you should read what these girls write about me! These crazy sex fantasies… some of em are God-awful, some of em are really good, and some of em are imaginative and bizarre (like Diana’s
Kim_Impossible: I’ll repeat it again, goddammit, Marshall…
Loribeth: It makes me feel better after a long day of working. This is why I wanted to invite you to my website… so that you can see all of the shit I’m doing on the Internet. I don’t just look at porn all day… I also read it… and it’s about me!
Kim_Impossible: I see. It’s a nice website even though your scheme is a little sleazy.
Loribeth: So what’s up with your name, Kim? Have you been watching cartoons with Hailie again?
Kim_Impossible: Oh yeah! Isn’t the name a stroke of genius? I see that show almost every day with Hailie and I couldn’t get the theme song out of my head. Hailie’s obsessed with the Disney Channel!
Loribeth: Oh, I know. I know. And I love your little background story too. [Texan accent] Hi, my name is Kim. I’m 16. And I come from Houston, Texas. I love Eminem and I’m the biggest Eminem fan! He’s so hot and talented and my life’s ambition is to one day suck his cock!
Kim_Impossible: I was eerily convincing, wasn’t I?
Loribeth: No, eww,
Kim_Impossible: and what about that Marshall_Mathers guy? How the fuck did he know the security code to your house… and the weird tattoo in Mariah’s vagina?
Loribeth: You know, I have no fucking clue who that was. But whoever that was I will fucking wring his little neck for threatening me like that! I think he was about to give me away! It was definitely someone I knew who has the access code to my house and someone whom I told about Mariah’s vagina. It’s not Proof cuz he can’t work a computer worth shit. I really have no fucking clue who it is.
Loribeth: huh? That’s funny. I just got a request e-mail for a new member calling himself The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers… It’s probably the same guy trying to come back. And I think now I can confront him freely since we’re alone.
Kim_Impossible: Good. Cuz that guy is either a friend of yours or a creepy stalker!!
Loribeth: …. Wait a minute… I think I may have a vague idea who this Marshall_Mathers might be!!!
[The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers has entered the chatroom]
The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers: I’m back, bitches!!!
The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers: I can’t believe you let me back in Loribeth!!
The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers: Oh, shit, wait! Are we alone?
Loribeth: Yeah, we’re alone!! Who the fuck are you??
The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers: You’re gonna hafta guess, Marshall!!
Loribeth: Oh, well, I don’t have to figure it out cuz I think I know who you are. You see currently I’m in the Bahamas relaxing with Hailie and Alaina and I have a certain younger brother who I left as a house-sitter back in Detroit. This younger brother knows my security code by heart and apparently knows a weird fact about Mariah Carey’s anatomy.
The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers: I overheard you telling Proof about it! I never thought it was true! Fuck!
Kim_Impossible: Nathan?
The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers: Are you Kim?
Kim_Impossible: Yeah, I’m Kim, little squirt!! You almost gave me a fucking heart attack when you gave out the security code!!
The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers: Well, apparently, one of Marshall’s little fans already has a hold of them
Loribeth: Yeah, I know. But Quinn won’t do anything! I know her well enough. She’s probably erasing them from her computer as we speak. But I’m still gonna change the code when I go back to Detroit.
The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers: Didn’t I creep you out, Marshall?
Loribeth: Yeah, I gotta say you did. You really had me fucking fooled.
Loribeth: How the fuck did you get ahold of the website?
The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers: I know how to use the History button, Marshall! I’ve always known where you go when you go online so I decided to go online and mess with you a little.
Loribeth: You almost scared my fans away!
The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers: Ah.. They’re just groupies. You can get new ones!
Loribeth: Whatever, man.
The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers:I also wanted to get your attention.
Loribeth: Couldn’t u have used the telephone like normal people?
The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers: It’s always fucking busy!! How many fucking bitches call you?
Loribeth: okay, go on. Whatchu want?
The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers: Money
Loribeth: Money?
The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers: Yeah, I maxed out my credit card and I’m taking this hot chick out for a date… and I need some money to take her out somewhere
Loribeth: You maxed out the credit cards!!
The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers: Some new electric equipment for my room and I pimped out my new car too.
Loribeth: Holy shit, you aint getting any more money!!
The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers: Come on, Marshall! I really need this money! I won’t ask for anymore money ever again!!
Loribeth: That’s what u said last month, Nathan!! Why don’t u just let her pay for the date?
The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers: She’ll fuckin hate me!!
Loribeth: Well, then, maybe, it’ll teach u not to spend all of your money on shit! Wait, scratch that, its not YOUR money, its MY money!!!
The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers:
Loribeth: Go to bed! Isn’t it way past your bedtime?
The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers: I’m 19, fucker! I can go to bed whenever I feel like it! Bitch!
[The_Reincarnation_of_Marshall_Mathers has left the chatroom]
Loribeth: He’s such a fuckin spoiled brat. When I was 19, I didn’t even have 1% of the shit he has. Fuckin amazing.
Kim_Impossible: Yeah, I still remember the days when we had to struggle to get by… Now look at you, Marshall! In your spare time, you make website dedicated to fan fiction about you. You’ve come a long fucking way!
Loribeth: I have, havent I?
Kim_Impossible: Yeah, well, it’s way past my bedtime so I think I’m gonna go, ok?
Loribeth: alright
Kim_Impossible: BTW, how’s Hailie and Alaina?
Loribeth: They’re great. Sleeping like babies after some fun time at the beach. We’re really enjoying our vacation.
Kim_Impossible: okay. Great. Good night.
Loribeth: Good night.
[Kim_Impossible has left the chatroom]
Loribeth: hmm… I’m alone… I guess I better go too.
[Loribeth has left the chatroom]
END
Back to fan fiction indexAuthor: bellababyblu@hotmail.com
These stories are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious, and the authors mean no harm to EMINEM, his family, friends, or anyone else that may have been depicted as a 'real life' character. No money was made on the fiction here, either directly or indirectly, i.e. paid advertising. In other words - it's just a bunch of shit we wrote for fun. Please don't take it seriously.