Busted
Author's Note: Okay... here we go. I wrote this really fast, so I apologize if it's not up to snuff. Please know I'm not insulting anyone, or making fun of anyone, or saying there aren't good fan sites. I'm just having fun, and I'll probably end up writing another one of these. I had a blast with this one! ~ Jenn
Oops, one more thing. For the parts where they're talking on the message board, I used horizontal lines to separate each person's post...
An Eminem Caught fic
Marshall sat back in his chair and scrubbed his hands over his face. Would this meeting ever end?
“Okay. Last item on my list…” Paul droned.
“You’re teasing me, right?”
His manager gave him a dirty look. “The web site isn’t doing well, Marsh. Not much traffic, and according to the expanded report – it’s not getting many repeat visitors either. Got any ideas?”
“Umm…no. What the fuck do I know about fuckin’ web sites?”
“Well, if you wanna keep interest up – you’re gonna learn. We don’t even have any links for fan sites.”
“Huh?”
“You know, fans that made web sites for you. I did a Yahoo search, and didn’t find anything that wasn’t garbage.”
“You raggin’ on my fans, Paul?”
“No, but it would look good if we could get some listings on the page. Shit, it’s embarrassing. That page has been sitting empty for months.”
Marshall sat up straighter. “Maybe we should hire somebody.”
Paul shook his head. “If the sites aren’t there, it wouldn’t do any good. I spent a few hours looking for stuff and didn’t find shit.”
“Oh, c’mon. There’s gotta be somethin’ out there. You want me to have Proof look? He’s into all that internet crap – says there’s a lotta good porn…”
“Well, I did find one place, but-.”
“What?”
“You’re gonna hate it, man.”
“Why would I hate it? It’s about me, right? You know I respect my fans; I ain’t gonna hate on nobody for likin’ me and my shit enough to put up a web site. Hell, they smarter than me. Last time I tried to use the computer Hailie had to help me.”
“Well… it’s ummm… fanfiction.”
“What the fuck is fanfiction?”
“It’s where your fans write shit about you, only you’re a character in their stories.”
“I don’t get it.”
“They write fictional stories about you.”
Marshall scowled. It sounded fuckin’ weird to him.
“And… some of them are X-rated.”
“Say what?”
“They write you… ya know.”
“Fucking?”
“Yeah.”
“I wanna see this shit!” He demanded.
“I really don’t know that you want…”
Marshall got up and walked around to where Paul was sitting behind his desk. “Get up, dick. I wanna use the computer.”
Paul smirked, “Without Hailie?”
“Move!”
Paul snickered and typed something in on the keyboard. He got up, and gestured toward the screen. “I liked this site the best. There’s some others though.”
Marshall sat down and stared, “Shadyfiction?”
“Uh-huh. I personally recommend Julie’s Story. She’s your wife apparently, but I’d fuck her in a heartbeat if the woman actually existed.”
“You saying you’d fuck my wife?” He growled.
Paul just rolled his eyes. “When you get to the part with the Popsicle – you’ll understand.”
Marshall turned back to the screen and waved Paul off as he left his office for another meeting. He clicked on Julie’s Story after staring in amazement at the list of titles on shadyfiction.com.
He buzzed Paul in the conference room a couple of minutes later.
“Yeah, Marsh? That you?”
“Who else would be looking for your ass?”
Paul grunted in response.
“Can she use that name? Shadyfiction? That’s my name.”
“Sure she can. You don’t hold a fucking patent on it, dickhead.”
“Yeah? Well what about the 8 Mile picture the bitch ripped off for Julie’s Story?”
“I knew I shouldn’t have told you.”
Marshall hung up on him and opened up the first chapter. This is some weird shit, he thought.
By chapter four he was actually routing for himself. “Hell yes, ‘fuck the plan,’ shit!”
Chapter five had his face redder than a tomato, and Paul picked that exact moment to walk back into his office. He took one look at Marshall and cracked up. “Aww, man! You should see the look on your face!”
“Shut up…!”
Paul picked up a file off his desk and was still chuckling on his way back out. “If you feel the need – just don’t do it in my office.”
“Do what?”
“Jack off. Some o’ that stuff is hot.”
Marshall hurled a stapler at him, and he could still hear Paul laughing a minute later. He got up and slammed the door to the office shut.
By the end of chapter 12 he wanted to fuck Julie, he wanted to meet Jenn, and he wanted to know a hell of a lot more about this fanfiction stuff. He went back to the main page and decided to check the message boards out. What the fuck? Bitch is gonna make me register just so I can look?
He typed in the user name Slim Shady and was amazed no one else had taken it.
~*~
Two hours later he’d read a lot of the stuff on the message board. A lot of the fiction was good, but he got the biggest kick out of some of the stuff in the ‘Caught fanfiction’ category. He clicked on one story and was so amused he found himself hitting the reply key.
Now what the fuck am I gonna say? He wondered for a minute, and then typed out a short message.
Hi, I’m Marshall. Just thought I’d let you girls know I *am* watchin’.
He clicked on ‘post’ and saw with satisfaction that he’d done it right. A’ight, I’ma go read the stuff in ‘Rants.’
He didn’t get most of it, other than that they was all pissed no one gave feedback. Lemme go back to Eminem fanfiction. Maybe I’ll leave a couple of notes, He snickered.
But he noticed an exclamation next to Caught fanfiction and realized that someone had posted in there since he left. I wonder if they done answered me already…
The first post was from Jenn herself. His goddess. And it read:
Hi, Marshall. So good of you to join us. I’m the easter bunny, by the way.
~ Jenn
What? She didn’t believe him?
He almost slapped himself on the forehead when he thought about it. Of course she didn’t believe him.
Marshall didn’t have time to think of a reply though - he was too busy reading the other posts:
LOL, Jenn. You tell ‘em! … Shit, I hope we ain’t got a troll in here… ~Pysko Pyro
Yeah, Psyko. Me too. I hate trolls.
-Jenn
Is someone actually claiming to be Marshall?
~Dani
Yeah. Even registered the name….
-Jenn
Well, just in case: Marshall, wanna knock boots sometime?
~crazyevildru
Marshall’s eyes were popping out of his head by the time he got to the last message. These chicks are whack! Fingers poised over the keys, he pecked out a reply:
I really am Marshall. Ask me somethin’ if you don’t believe it!
~Slim Shady
He sat back in his chair with a satisfied smirk, waited a minute, and clicked on the reload thing Hailie showed him.
How big is your dick, smartass?
~Jenn
The smirk vanished and was replaced by a dumbfounded stare. He started typing again.
Want me to get out a ruler, baby?
~Slim Shady
There. Take that, *smartass*. He thought.
“You’re talking to them?”
Marshall nearly jumped out of his skin. “Don’t fuckin’ sneak up on me like ‘at, Paul! Jesus!”
Paul was looking at the screen, “She asked how big your dick is?!” He hooted.
“Get outta here!”
Paul left, but not before giving him a bunch of grief. “Fat bastard.” Marshall muttered.
Jenn made another wisecrack, and he got an idea.
Give me your phone number. I’ll call you.
~Slim Shady
The response?
Get real. I’m not giving my number to some psycho that says he’s Slim Shady.
~Jenn
Would the *real* Slim Shady please stand up?
~Psyko Pyro
ROTFLMFAO!!
~Jenn
What the hell did that mean? They’re talking in code!
I’ll email you *my* number. How’s that?
~Slim
OMG, I really don’t believe your persistence. Fine, if you wanna prove you’re the real deal – a bunch of us are meeting at a bar in DC next weekend. It’s called The Library, and it’s in Georgetown. Saturday at four o’ clock.
~Jenn
He mentally reviewed his calendar.
I can do that. Hope you’re half as good looking as Julie.
~Slim
*What????*
~Jenn
‘Cause if you are, I wanna try that shit wit’ the Popsicle. You game?
~Slim
If you’re really Marshall Mathers I’ll lay you, blow you, and do amazing, incredible things for you.
~Jenn
Yeah? I’ma be looking forward to Saturday then, baby. See you then.
~Slim
Uh huh
~Jenn
Make sure you wearin’ a name tag or somethin’ so I can find you.
~Slim
Jenn, if you get your hands on him for real, I swear to God I’ll … never mind!
~Dru
You’ll what, Dru? Join us??
;-) Jenn
Slut puppy!
~Dru
LOL. I’m sure whoever this is, they’re just talking shit. I mean, what are the chances?
~Jenn
Marshall signed off before he ended up sparring with the damned woman all night. I can’t *wait* to see the look on her face when I walk in!
7-19-03 at 5:00 p.m. / The Library in Washington DC
Dru knocked the rest of her margarita back and shared a laugh with Jenn. “Looks like the man ain’t gonna show.”
Jenn leaned over the table slightly, still snickering. “Yeah. Impersonators kill me.”
A box of Popsicles landed on the table and both women froze, staring at each other. Someone gasped, and they both slowly turned their heads.
“Sorry I’m late.”
Predictably – Jenn fell out of her chair in a dead faint, and Dru started making choking noises.
Marshall left with Christine, who later gloated that she wrote the original Caught fic, and so it was only fair that he’d left The Library with her!
The End.
Author: jenn@shadyfiction.comThese stories are for entertainment purposes only. They are completely fictitious, and the authors mean no harm to EMINEM, his family, friends, or anyone else that may have been depicted as a 'real life' character. No money was made on the fiction here, either directly or indirectly, i.e. paid advertising. In other words - it's just a bunch of shit we wrote for fun. Please don't take it seriously.