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No Holds Barred, MTV interview
with Kurt Loder 2000 |
Kurt Loder: Fame has been good to you, I imagine. On
this record, you're singing, "Every million dollars [I]
make, every relative sues me." Has it been that bad?
Eminem: I don't consider it bad. At this point, I
consider any press good press.
Loder: Is this lawsuit with your mom still going on?
Eminem: Yeah, it's still going on. And it really
pisses me off that I can't talk about it.
Loder: But you're talking about it on the record.
Eminem: Right. But there is difference between
artistic expression and things I say on the record and
things that I say publicly. That, I just recently found out.
It gets under my skin a little bit that I can't say things
and make comments. Because I want to, believe me, I want to.
But I just keep quiet for right now, because I'm paying out
my ass for lawyers as it is.
Loder: Did you and Kim get married?
Eminem: Yeah. Me and Kim are married now. I've got a
daughter. So I've got my little family. I keep my little
circle of family and friends. People that I've, basically,
grown up with. Because I feel like, at this point, anybody
that I meet after this only knows me for Eminem. [They
won't] know Marshall. That's why I keep those friends
around, because I know that those are the people that really
care about me for me.
Loder: When did you and Kim get married?
Eminem: Sh**, last year.
Loder: Was that difficult after doing a record in
which you're, like, dropping her body into the bottom of a
lake?
Eminem: No, it's not. It's not. Because we've got a
really funny relationship. Our relationship is... I don't
know if it's necessarily healthy, but it's a weird
relationship, man. I get real personal at times. And I feel
like, if something is going on in my personal life, that's
my way of venting, is writing it down. I feel like I can use
words as weapons against people. She does something to me
like she has before -- we've had problems in the past --
I'll say it on the record if I'm thinking about it, and I
write it down. That's to show how much I care about her. If
I'm thinking that much to write you down in a song, then you
obviously did something, you know. I care about you that
much.
Loder: It's a kind of love [thing], is what you're
saying.
Eminem: Yeah. It's a sick, twisted kind of thing.
Loder: But there's a track on this record called
"Kim," which is one of the most disturbing things I've ever
heard in my life. I mean, how does she feel about that?
Eminem: When she first heard "'97 Bonnie And Clyde,"
she was kind of like, "You're an a**hole. You're a f***ing
pr**k." When I made the other song, the new song that's on
the album, she, like -- I'll never forget this. We were both
sitting in the car, and she just looked over at me, and I
said, "You don't have anything to say?" She was like,
"You're f***ing crazy. You're crazy, for real, you're
crazy." So I think it disturbed her a little bit. She don't
want to listen to the song. But, you know, that was the way
I felt at the time.
Where I took that from, the reason I was able to do that
song like that, is because that's some of our arguments.
That's how we argue sometimes. It's kind of like an argument
on a record.
Loder: Some people are going to say, "You need
therapy. You have a problem with women." Do you feel that
you do at all?
Eminem: No, I don't. I feel like I don't need
therapy. I feel like my music is my therapy. Because once I
sit down and write, I get everything off my chest. People
might think that I walk around mad all day, and I'm not, you
know what I'm saying? For the most part I'm happy. I get all
my aggression out in the studio. When I leave the studio,
I'm like, "Whew."
Loder: Also you're not a fan of gay people, I gather.
Is that a problem you have in your life?
Eminem: Now, this is what it all started from. I'm a
battle MC, I've been a battle MC for [as long as] I can
remember. That's how I came up. And the most lowest
degrading thing that you can say to a man when you're
battling him is call him a faggot and try to take away his
manhood. Call him a sissy, call him a punk.
"Faggot" to me doesn't necessarily mean gay people. "Faggot"
to me just means... taking away your manhood. You're a
sissy. You're a coward. Just like you might sit around in
your living room and say, "Dude, stop, you're being a fag,
dude." This does not necessarily mean you're being a gay
person. It just means you're being a fag. You're being an
a**hole or whatever. That's the way that the word was always
taught to me. That's how I learned the word. Battling with
somebody, you do anything you can to strip their manhood
away. So, when I started saying "faggot" on record, I
started getting people going, "You have something against
gay people," and I thought it was funny. Because I don't.
Loder: But do you understand how gay people might
feel like you're taking shots at them?
Eminem: Yeah. But I also go on to say, "Relax, guy, I
like gay men." So it's kind of like leaving it up in the
air. Do I really hate gay people, or do I not? It's up to
you to decide.
Loder: It seemed to me that this album is like, in a
way, Richard Pryor and old Redd Foxx records. Screamingly
funny, and yet saying stuff you don't usually laugh at.
Eminem: Right. I say things that people might laugh
at and then go, "I can't believe I just laughed at that. I'm
sicker than he is!" But you were laughing at it. Sometimes I
sit down and I write, and I laugh at myself. If I'm in a
room by myself and I'm just writing, I'll laugh.
Loder: Is there anything you couldn't make a joke
about? Even, like, Columbine references.
Eminem: No. If I feel strong enough about it or I'm
thinking it, I'm going to say it. I don't feel like I should
have to bite my tongue for anybody. I believe an artist
should be an artist and be able to say whatever he wants to
say, whether you think it's good or bad. There's good and
bad out there, but who are you to judge what's good or
what's bad? Even if the person believes in the most wrongest
sh**, they've got a right to voice their opinion.
Loder: Are you worried about encountering
face-to-face Will Smith, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera,
and 'NSYNC?
Eminem: No. I'm actually looking forward to it. I
don't know if anything is going to happen. First of all, I
used to respect Will Smith. [Now] he's dissed the whole
genre of rap. He dissed gangsta rap music. And that is one
of the most influential musics out there. I respect him for
saying his opinion, but not everybody is as happy as Will
Smith. Not everybody sees life as happy and as positive as
he sees it. So if he wants to rap about birds and bees and
flowers, then let him rap about birds and bees and flowers,
but don't dis nobody else, dude. "Nobody should cuss. If I
don't cuss, nobody should cuss." I felt like he was taking a
stab at me and [Dr.] Dre and anybody who uses profanity on
the records to express themselves. If you feel strong enough
about something, then you might put a little "f***" before
you say exactly what you're saying. "This f***ing tree," if
you feel that. It just depends on how you feel about
something. But I do not believe that he doesn't get home
around his family and use no profanity. I don't believe that
nobody cannot swear.
Loder: Tell me about poor, little Christina Aguilera.
I mean, this oral sex reference.
Eminem: I met her before, and I had respect for her
too.
Loder: What happened? Where did it go wrong?
Eminem: Actually it was when she had her little "What
A Girl Wants" special [on MTV] and it aired... people were
telling me about it, like, "Yo, she put you on blast. She
was picking your video apart," and this and that. So I was
like, "No," you know? I was like...
Loder: "Not Christina."
Eminem: I thought she liked me, or whatever. Yeah. So
I'm watching her little special, and I'm watching her with
her little friends, and she's giggling, and she picked one
of my videos for one of her favorite videos or something.
And I was like, "That's cool that she picked my video." And
then after it came off, [she brought up] my marriage. I
wasn't trying to make that as public as I could make it.
That was my personal business. It's like, as far as my
personal business, I tell people what I want them to know.
She heard a rumor that I was married and then said, "Yeah,
he's cute, but isn't he married, though?" And I was like,
"No, you didn't just say that. You little bitch." And then
she said, "Yeah, and, and, you know, doesn't he have a song
about killing his baby's mother? And I always tell my
friends if you're against domestic, you know, I'm so against
domestic violence, and if you're in an abusive
relationship..." I was like, Why does she just pick my video
if she's picking it apart? I would rather have had her say
nothing about me.
So, you know, she heard a rumor. She didn't know if I was
married or not. She just heard a rumor and then put me on
blast in front of a nation of people that might not have
known that, and I might not have cared for them to know
that.But I figured, "Well, f*** it. All right. Okay. I'm
married. Okay. Whatever. That's cool. But you said something
about me, so I'm going to voice some rumors that I heard
about you."
Loder: Yeah. And who knows, really.
Eminem: Exactly. It's not even my business. Me being
married wasn't her business neither.
Loder: How's married life treating you? Is it good?
Is it working out?
Eminem: It's cool. I'm trying to make it work. I'm
doing the best I can, I guess. I just don't want to be like
my father was.
Loder: Which we are often.
Eminem: I don't want to be. I want to be there every
step of the way for my daughter. I want to be there for
Hailie's first day in school, when she starts school. I want
to be there for everything that my father missed out on.
Loder: Does Hailie know who Eminem is? Does she
realize there is this Slim Shady, and all this other stuff?
Eminem: Yeah. She is four years old now. She's
starting to learn. She's really smart. Like, if we're going
to go to the grocery store or something, she'll say, "Daddy,
you've got to put your hat on, because otherwise you're
going to have to sign autographs." I think she's just now
understanding the whole concept. I don't think she knew what
it meant last year. She could've thought it was a home video
playing on the VCR. But now she likes Britney Spears, she
likes Christina Aguilera, and when she sees those people on
TV and then me on TV right with them, I think she's getting
the concept a little bit.
Loder: Maybe Britney will drop by some day. Well,
you're going to have to explain this sort of thing to
[Hailie] later on down the line, do you think? Or are you
concerned about it?
Eminem: Yeah. Of course, I'm going to have to explain
certain things to her. But at least I'm going to be there to
explain them things and, at least, be there to guide her and
to teach her. She knows right from wrong. She listens to my
music. She hears my music and hears the cuss words and this
and that. I don't think she totally understands what my
music means or anything like that, or that it's even
offensive or wrong or anything. But she hears the cuss
words. She knows not to repeat them. Me and Kim are teaching
her the things that we were never taught, I guess.
Loder: What's it going to be like, putting singles
out from this record? Because so much stuff is going to be
taken out of the tracks, right? You'll have to go back in
the studio and just do surgery on the lyrics to get them on
the radio.
Eminem: If they're going to be played on MTV and
we're going to make a video for any song, it's got to go
through what "My Name Is" and "Guilty Conscience" went
through, with the whole cleanup process. I hate to do it,
because I feel like it's taking away from the whole impact
of what I want to say. But [when] I manage to come up with
the cleanup lyrics, it's kind of like a smart-assed way of
doing it. I make them so ridiculous. I try to still make
them funny, but since I'm going to change it up, I'm going
to clean it up. It's already going to be corny, so I'm just
going to make it completely corny.
Loder: But I thought it was a great thing about the
record: it's not like this other pop music around that you
can't get away from, in elevators and stuff. You're going to
have to seek this out. You're not going to hear it on the
radio full force. You'll have to go buy the album. My
favorite [line] is the one where you say, "If you believe
that I actually write songs about people and then go out and
kill people, I'm going to kill you." That's the best line on
the album, I think.
Eminem: Because that's basically saying, "You're
stupid. You're believing everything that I say."
Loder: Yeah. When people hear "The Real Slim Shady,"
just the track, they're going to think, "Well, this is kind
of a cute, kind of poppy album." And yet, when you listen to
the album, it's really intensely not poppy and cute. Was
that a conscious decision? You know, "I've got to get away
from this 'cute blond guy' thing?"
Eminem: Yeah. It kind of is. Because a lot of times I
get grouped up with the whole "TRL" crowd. The Backstreet
[Boys] and Britney Spears, and I have to separate myself
from that crowd, because I'm not pop. No matter how many
albums I sell, I feel like my music is underground. It's
still underground. I came up through the underground. That's
how I got my respect.
Loder: Do you find yourself being mobbed by beautiful
women these days?
Eminem: I find myself being mobbed by a lot of
teenage girls, which is really surprising to me.
Loder: Why so?
Eminem: Because of all the things that I say about
women.
Loder: [Laughs] True.
Eminem: It's a sick thing with girls. It's like, the
more you dis them, the more they want you. If you act like
you care about them, they don't want you. And if you act
like you don't give a sh** about them -- take my
relationship, for example -- when you act like you don't
give a sh** about them, then they love you. I never
understood that.
Loder: Hmm. That is odd. Now, when people say, "This
guy belongs in therapy," do you think maybe you have
problems that you're working on yourself? You're trying to
be a better person and get rid of whatever demons might be
inside?
Eminem: Yeah, I think I do. I think for a long time,
I went through a lot of personal problems that I don't
really care to get into right now, but that I've dealt with
all of my life. Last year with the whole fame thing, and me
going through my whole drug phase and whatnot, and things
hitting me kind of fast... I'm really trying to slow down.
And I'm trying to... I forgot what the hell I was saying. I
lost my f***ing memory.
Loder: Are you working on any personal problems?
You're trying to be a better person. You're trying to evolve
and not mellow out.
Eminem: Yeah. I'm trying to... not tone it down. Just
trying to relax a little more and take things as they come,
and just relax. I don't know if anybody notices it now, at
present, but last year, almost every interview I did, I was
spitting phlegm. I was so aggravated and so hyper and
everything. I've really learned to calm down, and assess the
situation and realize that this is what I'm doing, and this
is my job. If I let fame get the best of me, I'm going to
self-destruct. And I don't want to self-destruct. |
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